Another Cycle Down

Well, AF came last week. I took this new cycle pretty hard. I've been pretty strong through the whole TTC process, but I really hoped it would be my cycle. It would have been perfect- a baby due almost on my birthday, my due date would have been mid-semester so I could have still taken some classes, and October is a slower time at work so I wouldn't have had to stress about having time off.

The first two days of my cycle, all I could do was cry. One whole year of unsuccessfully TTC. I even had to cancel dinner with my PG friend because I knew I couldn't hold it together long enough to not become a crying fool in public.

Thankfully, I am feeling better now. I'm don't really believe in "fate" per se, but I'm just going to take it one cycle at a time, and when it's meant to happen it will. That does not mean I am not going to be proactive with my health, I am just trying not to upset myself about it.

The next step will be getting a semen analysis for Mr. Sassy Bud. My gut feeling is that there is nothing wrong on his end. He has never smoked, drank, done any type of drugs and he has a pretty healthy diet. I know there are other factors, but I'm feeling/hoping it is not his problem. We are still going to have the test done though, just to cover all of the bases.

I only wish I had known about charting earlier in our journey. I have no idea if I even ovulated before last month. Looking at my 84 day cycle, it seems quite possible that all of our trying previously was just a waste. Oh well, at least we had fun trying!

I also signed up for a Short-Term Disability plan last night. It has a 14-day elimination period (the time you have to be disabled before you can collect benefits) and a 10-month waiting period before I can become disabled. Basically, if I were to get PG this month, I will miss the waiting period by a few days. I know a lot of people do this to "tempt fate," but I just wasn't too concerned about having one before, and now I feel like I really need to have something to fall back on, in case something were to happen to Mr. Sassy Bud's job. So, if this isn't our cycle, I will be ok with that. It gives me some time for my waiting period to be valid.

This weekend I am hosting a baby shower for my close friend. I hope that I can make it through without getting emotional. She is moving out of the country in a few weeks, and she deserves to have a wonderful shower and to be happy. I don't want to ruin that. So, I'll be putting on my happy face, at least until it's over and I'm in the safety of my car. Then, I can't make any promises.