November 20, 2009

Well that sucked.

My wonderful AF is here. She blows and sucks. My boobs hurt like hell and I'm cramping. Niiice. Well looks like its on to cycle # 6 and I had a huge let breakdown last night. It sucks. Its ONLY cycle 6 for goodness sake. I guess why I get so worried is because I always hear of the "Oh I got KU on my first cycle, oh it was an accident, oh yeah we weren't even trying". You know what? You suck. Seriously though I am happy for them. I'm happy that they never had to go through this crap.

Honestly in my head I thought TTC would be all fun and games. I never understood how hard it could and can be. Its depressing but at the same time.. I can't give up. It just sucks. It blows because this is the one thing I can't seem to fix.

You know in high school if you want good grades, you study, you get good grades. You want to be a better athlete , you work out, you become a better athlete. You want a baby, you have sex during your fertile time, you have.. wait no that doesn't work for me. It sucks.

Yesterday I hated my body. I just wished it worked right. I wish I didn't spot. I wish I had a longer LP .. Granted I know its okay but I want a good one. I just want more than 10 days and no red. Thats all. Is that too much to ask for? Obviously.

Today, I love my body. I can't sit and be sorry for myself. I'm going to fix this. Today I'm calling my doctor and asking to be put on something. I know my body better than anybody else and I know this isn't normal. Spotting 3-4 days before my period isn't normal and my LPS are getting shorter instead of longer.

Now on to the good news. 5 more freaking days until I am on a cruise sipping.. lets see wine, vodka water, beer, margaritas.. really anything. Could I do that pregnant.. UM NO! So hell yeah! This is a dream come true for Mr. OB and me. And I can't believe we are so close to being on a vacation of a lifetime.

Wouldn't it be awesome if I could tell everyone he knocked me up in international water? HA! Or even on the balcony of a cruise ship after a scandalous night of drinking? HAHA! Wouldn't that be nice.

Maybe this will be the place of conception.


Jen J. said...

GL Mrs. OB!! I know it will happen soon!


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