October 20, 2009


Hey everyone. I'm back - I needed to take a step back from everything & evaluate my options after my breakdown post last week. I wanted to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to everyone for all the thoughts & prayers sent my way. It's just so disheartening that all of this is happening to me...to us. I know that many women have bigger problems on their hands TTC & I feel selfish, but I can't help but feel horribly for myself and my Mr. Worry Bud. Of course he is amazing & tells me that everything will be okay, I just need to be patient. :o) But, I guess it's the fact that I never ever thought I would encounter any road blocks in my TTC journey (who does?), so it was hard for me to accept that something not right is going on & it was all weighing heavy on my heart.

I am so fortunate to have a coworker who can relate to my situation - she is encountering some difficulty TTC, so she and I talk a lot about everything we both have going on. She gave me a referral to her RE to start getting tested & *hopefully* find out what's going on. She (like many other women on my favorite message board) said that she thinks I should just go straight to an RE since they specialize in fertility & they can most likely provide the best help. IDK why, but I have this fear that the Dr. & I will sit down to talk and he will be like you have been trying how long? Uhhh, why are you wasting my time? Then bust out laughing at me for being a crazy baby-obsessed woman (Or something along those lines)!

I know, I have absolutely NO reason to even think like that, but for some reason...I do. So after thinking long & hard about everything going on, I decided to take that step & call the RE. I am hoping this new Dr. will help me to figure out what's going on & get me pregnant ASAP! I can't wait to bring a little miracle into this world...and make my husband the happiest man in the world (again!). My appointment is coming up here quickly on November 3rd & I am both excited & scared at the same time. But, Mr. WB will be there with me & I know know he will help me to remain somewhat calm.

In other news, I was talking to my older sister yesterday (she's older by like 2.5 years) & she said she & her husband are about to start trying for baby #2. I hate feeling like this, but I am SUPER jealous...I wanted to be the next to get pregnant & I still may be, but still...hmph! I mean, don't get me wrong - I love my sister & I love my nephew & it'll be great to have another little niece or nephew, but I wanted to be the next one - you know what I mean? My nephew was an accident - in fact, she wasn't even married to her now husband at the time, so she said as soon as she gets off BCPs she will probably get KU again. Which means, we may be pregnant at the same time if all goes well with my RE! In a way that would be cool, but I also wanted to be the PG one! It would be my 1st though, so I have some satisfaction in that fact, lol. I'm literally LOL'ing as I type this b/c I sound sooo ridiculous saying all of this. Really, I'll be happy for my sister, just a little sad if she is pregnant AGAIN before we even get pregnant for the first time!

That's all I got for now - I am on CD6...still spotting from AF's appearance last week. I took a break from temping during her visit to see if I was less stressed not doing it & it honestly makes no difference. I don't think it's charting that stresses me out - it's the fact that my LPs have consistently been alarmingly short for the past 4 months & nothing I do is helping that is stressing me out. I also added in vitex this cycle, but I hear it sometimes takes several cycles for it to kick in so we shall see how that goes.


Flora Bud said...

Oh WB, I can totally relate on how you are feeling. You have been tryingand want a baby so hard that you would not want to hear your sis say she is pregnant after getting of BCP after a month. You want to enjoy every minute of your first child and be the only one pregnant to enjoy it with your family, You would not want to share this experience with any one.
I am praying for your doc apt and that this RE gets the ball rolling. No Doc will laugh in your face, especially that you are going to see an re that specializes in infertility and you have every reason to be worried.

Love Bud said...

I don't think you're being ridiculous at all. I know that "I feel like time is passing me by" feeling all too well. I feel like everytime a friend gets pregnant time speeds up around me.
Good luck with the RE!! Is your insurance covering you for IF treatments even though you haven't been TTC for 12 months yet?
If so, that's awesome!

Worry Bud said...

My insurance doesn't stipulate a time frame for when they will cover IF testing/treatment. I know that it covers NO portion of any ART procedures & 85% of testing/treatment. So I am hoping whatever is going on with me can be corrected fairly easily. The RE I am going to has a financial counselor speak with you on your 1st visit, so i am curious to see if I was reading everything correctly. Thanks ladies!

Snow Bud said...

I'm so glad you called the RE! I understand the jealousy, especially because it's your sister. I really hope everything goes well for you at your appointment and that you get some answers.

Love Bud said...

Bleh @ your insurance. OOP sucks. I SO hope the appoinment goes well for you :) I immediately felt 128395729038029834234 times better after I first met with my RE


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