October 3, 2009

Intro - Obsessive Bud

Hi everyone! I’m Obsessive Bud! Who am I? Well first it took me about 12 hours to figure out my name. I could be so many. I’m a worrier, I’m pessimistic at time (if you ask Mr. Obsessive Bud I’m pessimistic more than I am optimistic.. more about that later), I’m hopeful, I’m crabby, I’m a goober, and most of all I am grateful. Unfortunately when you add all of these together… I’m obsessive. I obsess over the smallest things and if you continue my journey I am sure you will notice! First it’s my short LP, next thing you know it’s the spotting in my LP, then it’s my temperatures, next my CM. I obsess. That’s what I’m good at!

I am a beginner in this TTC journey and would love to tell you a little about myself. I have been a rollercoaster of events and it makes an awesome story! I am a 20-something living in the Houston Area with my 20 – something DH - Mr. Obsessive Bud (OB). We are more in love today than we were yesterday! We have been through A LOT and by A LOT I mean A LOT. In the short 2 years we have been married, we have been through more than a normal couple would go through. I tell myself every day if we can go through this… we can get through ANYTHING.

So you want to know what this rollercoaster was? Oh just wait.
First let me tell you a little about Mr. OB. Mr. OB is so optimistic, sometimes a little too much. He always tells me to calm down, don’t worry, everything is going to be okay. He is my rock, my strength and my best friend. He is my everything.

On Mr. OB’s 20-something birthday he decided to take the day off and enjoy his birthday. We were just sitting at home and he decided to go out for a jog. When he returns he tells me he can’t type and my laptop is acting funny. Weird? My computer? NO WAY! See Mr. OB always complains about my computer. It was old, big, bulky, and heavy. He didn’t think twice about MY computer being the problem of why he couldn’t type.

Fast forward to the next day Monday, Mr. OB chats with me online and starts complaining about not being able to write with his right hand. I tell him to make an appointment with a neurologist and what do you know, HE DOESN’T! That’s fine. I start obsessing (what I’m good at) and start googling his symptoms and realize he has Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Well, this is my diagnosis; I’m not a doctor or anything. Nothing that bad, nothing too much to worry about right? WRONG!

Tuesday night Mr. OB showed me how he couldn’t even pick up his pen while trying to write. I tell him, scratch that, I DEMAND him to get an appointment with a neurologist ASAP. He says he will.

Wednesday morning Mr. OB calls me on the way into work and says, “I’m going to the Emergency Room, I’m slurring my words and my hand doesn’t work at all.” Great. I tell him to stop what he is doing and I will pick him up. I meet him at a shopping center parking lot and he gets in my car and we drive to the Emergency Room. We still think it’s nothing that serious. Well, I try to convince him it’s just a really BAD migraine and everything will be fine. RIGHT? WRONG!

June 11, 2009 is when my world changed forever. Mr. OB was sent for a CT scan and when Dr. D came back with the results he said some of the words that changed my life…

“Mrs. Obsessive Bud, Mr. OB’s brain is bleeding.” YES that’s right, my husband, my rock, my twenty something husband who has NEVER had surgery in his life, who JUST ran a 10K two weeks ago, has a brain bleed. I stand there looking at him, holding onto his hand so tight lost and confused. HOW? How could this happen to us? We are so young. He is so young. What do you mean brain bleed? Is it still bleeding? Make it stop. What can we do?

A million and one thoughts were going through my head and I look at Mr. OB and he starts to tear up. Surprisingly I’m not yet. I ask some very odd questions according to Mr. OB. I ask the doctor, “What caused this? And what is the worst case scenario? Is it brain cancer? Is he going to die?”

NO! It can’t be! We don’t have children yet. He can’t die. How I went from brain bleed to dying I don’t know. It must be the pessimism in me.

Well Dr. D left us alone and I asked Mr. OB how he was. He was fine. He had anti anxiety medicine. He was fine. I’m not fine. He asked me how I was. I said fine, even though we all know I wasn’t. We were going to be okay. It was just a bump in the road, nothing too serious. I mean it’s JUST a brain bleed. Little did he know the minute I walked out to call my friends and family I lost it. Completely lost it. I cried, I cried more, I threw up, and I gained my composure and walked back into the ER room. (Thank goodness for wonderful friends and family. Without them, well I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been the rock I was.)

By this time my friends had come to see us and were keeping me a little calm. Everyone has asked me what was going through my head and all I can say is this.
I was upset. I was pissed. I was hurt because I knew if Mr. OB left this world I wouldn’t have had any children with him. We didn’t have a family. I was so sad and hurt. So I took Mr. OB’s hand, looked at him with a big smile on my face and tears in my eyes and said, “If you make it through this alive, I promise you I will no longer wait to have children. We are starting a family the MINUTE you are released from your doctor”. See, I always wanted to wait to have children. He was ready. I wasn’t there yet. I don’t know why I wanted to wait. There weren’t really any reasons. I just wanted to wait.

And that is where our journey of TTC started. With a small promise I made with my DH in a hospital bed in the middle of an Emergency Room.
So I am sure right now you want to know what caused the brain bleed and how Mr. OB is.

Cause: A golf ball size mass.

Where did this mass come from? Well he was born with it. I always knew my husband was a little odd, I just didn’t know he was born that way!

The night before his surgery, AKA our 2 year anniversary, Mr. OB could not walk, talk, or use his arms. He was paralyzed on the entire right side. I looked at him in amazement. This entire time he never thought he was going to die, he was so strong which made me stronger for him. He was and is truly amazing. Simply, amazing.

Mr. OB had brain surgery on our 2 year + 1 day anniversary, 14 days after his initial diagnosis of a brain hemorrhage. In those 14 days he went from walking and talking to having seizures and paralysis.

His wonderful amazing neurosurgeon removed the mass from his brain in 6 hours. (I will say I have a slight crush on him. Would you expect any less? He gave me back my husband!)

Two hours after surgery I saw my husband for the first time in recovery and I fell in love with him all over again. I was so proud of him. His first surgery was brain surgery and he had made it. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and said, “You did it. How are you feeling?” He looks at me and says, “Okay but my throat hurts”. So amazed and happy I said, “I’m so happy and grateful right now”. Then it hit me. HOLY CRAP! He is talking! He isn’t slurring! I ask him to move his legs and in amazement he moves them. No problem! My eyes are filled with tears and we hug and cry! This was and will always be one of the best moments of my life. Photo warning for below: Picture was taken right after surgery.

Mr. OB and Mrs. OB hours after brain surgery!
Can you tell I haven’t slept in days ;)

If you are wondering how he is now, well let me just tell you, as I am writing this Mr. OB is working out and jogging. Can you say Over-Achiever?

So this is my story and how the journey started for us. We are currently on Cycle 4 of our adventure. I have been off of BC for 2 + years and using protection here and there when we remembered. We had one 'accident' which led to a CP.

A lot of times I wonder why it hasn’t happened yet. (Disclaimer: I know it hasn’t been that long but when I want something, I want it NOW!). I lied, I wonder that ALL THE TIME. I feel like we have been through so much. Can’t we get a break? And then I sit back for a minute and I am grateful.

I am so ridiculously grateful that my husband is still here and we can still work on starting a family. We can still try every month. Yes, there are bumps in the road, huge bumps and small bumps, but we will get over them.

I have a wonderful new OB/GYN who is taking my LP issues seriously and we have scheduled an HSG for this week. I’m excited and very hopeful!

I can’t wait to share more of my journey with you all. From hearing about the steroid Mr. OB was given and how we found out it causes male infertility, to our loss when we discovered we were pregnant and to not being pregnant in 2 short weeks. It’s all a journey and makes us stronger.

Get ready for stories of me overanalyzing my temps, obsessing over CM, or all the fun phantom symptoms I get in my 2ww. I’m sure some of you can relate!

Mr. OB and Mrs. OB one month after brain surgery!


Daffodil Bud said...

What an absolutely amazing story. I am sitting hear going from crying for you to laughter.
Best of luck in getting that BFP!

Daffodil Bud said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Wow girl! What a great story, I can't wait to hear more of your journey! Good luck in getting that BFP!!

bethierose said...

wow... i'm totally tearing up at your journey! i cannot wait to hear more of it, and be there when you get your BFP!

Hayleyjo said...

You have a really inspiring story. I'm praying for your BFP!

Hopeful Bud said...

You two are an inspiration! I am praying for you to get your BFP soon.

Sugar Bud said...

What a moving journey you have had thus far! You two are such a strong pair. Good luck and tons of baby dust.

Obsessive Bud said...

Thanks ladies for all the good luck wishes. We are hoping our BFP comes soon!

Flora Bud said...

Welcome!!! Your journey has me in tears, sometimes we really do not know what we want until we are close to losing it and everything comes crashing in.

Pls keep us updated on Mr. Ob.


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