September 28, 2009

Charting Gives Me a Headache!

Despite the fact that we are currently TTA, I decide to ditch bcp back in the end of June, and have been charting since then. I am about halfway through my 4th cycle charting and I have definitely developed a love/hate relationship with my chart. The first 2 months, I LOVED my chart! It was clear that I had text-book cycles, I definitely O'ed, and the whole AF scenario was pretty much perfect. Then, cycle #3 showed up and suddenly everything became a whole lot less certain. My chart was all over the place, I apparently didn't O, I was having phantom pregnancy symptoms, and AF showed up early and lasted about 8 days from start to finish which is a good 3-4 days longer than normal! I chalked it up to a fluke and got on with charting cycle #4, and for some reason I am feeling totally unsettled about this cycle as well. Everything is wonky. No CM at all. NOTHING. Temps all over the place, and absolutely no signs of O yet, even though based on cycles 1 & 2, O should be happening tomorrow or the next day. And suddenly I am afraid.

Part of me wishes I wasn't charting because in all honestly, ignorance is bliss, right?? Maybe something weird is happening and cycle #4 will be another anovulatory cycle and then what do I do? We aren't actively TTC, but at that point would I suspect that something wasn't right?? Or is charting literally making me crazy to the point where I am irrationally afraid of not O'ing before an anovulatory cycle has even occurred? Maybe it is actually a great thing to know this all now, so that when we DO TTC, I can have a better idea of how often I ovulate? And maybe I WILL O in two days and then all of this worry was for nothing. Three words: MESSED UP HEAD.



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