April 2, 2012

Nearly 2 Years TTC & I'm Sick of Being So Sad

Sorry for the delay in writing recently, I just haven't been feeling it. Nothing to report on.....ever. Same song and dance with me feeling sorry for myself. It get's so old. I just want to be happy again. I'm tired of thinking about TTC. I would love to go to the doc and get back on my anti-dep's but if I'm TTC that's a no-no. Sigh....

My CBEFM didn't really help me out and my FF is confused as hell. I got a "Peak" reading on the CD 12 and 13. My understanding was that I was supposed to do the BD on those days and the days prior to the Peak reading. I still dint know if this is right, but according to FF I didn't OV until CD15 (and that's after dismissing 2 readings b/c i took them at 10am rather than 6am) Needless to say, it didn't work.

I've also noticed, that my body isn't waiting the full 15 days for AF to arrive (if I'm OV'ing when I think I did). It's always 12-13 day leutal phase. I have tons of the Progesterone beads my RE gave me, but I really dread those things. Has anyone ever tried the Progesterone cream they sell at CVS or Walgreens. That seems much simpler. I know that if your leutal phase doesn't last long enough it's considered a defect. Which really wouldn't surprise me......I'm jacked up in so many other ways as it is. Does anyone have this??

I am still on 1500mg's on my Glumetza (Metformin). I took 2 before bed time last night and I haven't been sick this morning. So, as long as I eat a meal tonight for dinner I will take a total of 4 today. On a better note, I feel as if this stuff is finally starting to work on my hormones. My face is clearing up wonderfully and I can I only have 1 pimple!!!! This is so effing exciting since there hasn't been a day in the past 11 months where I have had less than 10! Unfortunately, my face has been left with SO many scars. I wear a pound of makeup to cover, but knowing my skin is destroyed makes me sad. Anyone have any suggestions on treatments for this that wont add any extra oil to my face??

Anyways, today is my CD 5 so I will begin my CBEFM again 2morrow. I'm skipping the Femara this month just b/c. Please pray for me that I am given a gift this month.

-Buckeye Bud


Me said...

I'm really hoping things turn around for you soon.

As a side note, a 12-13 day LP is perfectly fine. I was concerned about mine before conceiving D (it was (9-10 days) and the doctors said as long as it was 9 days or longer that it wasn't considered a Luteal Phase Defect. They were right.
~Cactus Bud

Diva Bud said...


As far as your CBEFM is concerned... have you considered the fact that it is right and your FF is wrong? That happened with me... check out my chart. We have now confirmed that my "O" occured on 2/4, which was a Saturday. I had a larger temp drop and better readings, but FF still put my O date as 2/2. Look into that...

Also, for your skin... you should consider looking into microdermabrasion. If you don't want to go into the professional grade, you can try this set from Mary Kay that is a 2 step cream. You can use it a couple of times a week, or so. Personally I haven't used it, but I know a lot of people who have and who swear by it! Just a thought...


Buckeye Bud said...

Thanks for the info CB!! I think I'm just paranoid!! Hopefully soon it will work out for me :)

Diva, I thought about dismissing FF but then I realized that I did the BD on 1 of my peak days. I figured that would of been enough but I guess not. So this month we will BD on BOTH peak days.
And thanks for the tip on the Mary Kay product, I will DEF look into that. I need all the help I can get!

Sarcastic Bud said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know - I have been there.

It is a constant state of frustration especially when people around you are getting pregnant.

But just don't give up the hope sister. Your take home baby awaits you - it can and will happen. I was convinced I couldn't have babies and then all of a sudden I'm at 31 weeks.

I have shared most of my journey on this blog, but if you wanted to chat to me personally about it, please email me.

I'm thinking of you :)

Buckeye Bud said...

SB- Thanks so much for your kind words and support. I had some downtime @ work yesterday so I read thru all of your postings. WOW, we have SUCH similar stories. And btw- you CRACK me up. Anywho, you have given me hope that maybe I will someday have my take home baby. I'd love to chat with you sometime, but cant seem to find your email link :( Could you send it over to me?

Explorer Bud said...

I can totally relate, it is an exhausting and emotional journey that is for sure. Being so so sad leaves the rest of our happy lives tainted with sadness. It is soo hard to feel like you are constantly having to be happy for everyone else and participate in their joy of a new baby or pregnancy!! Sometimes I want to just say, "really, you are pregnant again? Hmmm.. great lets not mention it again okay!" Instead we get to put a smile and congratulate them.

I hope it works out for you and me and all those other people that struggle with infertility until it does it just sucks!!!

Bossy Bud said...

Thinking of you and praying for you, Buckeye. I don't have any experience with with CBEFM or FF, but I have A LOT of experience with feeling sad. Know that you are not alone. All of the ladies on this blog (including myself) care about you and wish you the very best.
Chin up, sweets! Your day will come, and I truly mean that!


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