March 23, 2011

Is It Ovulation?

So I am going to switch back to gluten-free cause I just felt so much better on that. I lost about another 5 pounds since aunt flo left. So on that note I've felt this twinging of pain and it makes me wonder if I'm ovulating? That would be awesome if that is what the pain was :) but of course with that comes the creeping fears of miscarriage.

What is more frustrating is I thought I was beyond that... thought I was okay and ready for this. Don't get me wrong I am, but those fears are creeping back in about will I make it past those 6 weeks and if I do will my anxiety fears calm down? Will I not feel peace until I hold the bundle of joy in my arms. UGH!

All these thoughts have been getting me down the last few days... which I don't want. So I had a long talk with God and I just have to put it in his hands. I have to put complete trust that he will take care of me and the miracle my heart so desires... and know it will be okay if I get pregnant this cycle.

I can't help [despite the fears of miscarriage & thinking I wanted to wait two more cycles] hope that I will get pregnant this cycle. And as the days near the end of this cycle I am hoping I get a BFP. I don't think that hope really ever leaves when TTC... even though I say next time I won't get my hopes up or set them to high, but I do anyways... every time without fail.

So as I wait out these last weeks I will wait and see if my next cycle starts or just maybe [hoping] I get a BFP.



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