August 5, 2010


Today is CD1. Let me give you a little back story on my cycle history. We started TTC in June of last year. I knew nothing, and I MEAN NOTHING about charting, following your cycle, and monitoring CM etc. I was seriously very naive about all of this stuff. I was one of those girls, that had the pregnancy fear on a couple of occasions in college, even though I was on BC, and I had no idea about ovulating and when it occurs etc etc. So, when I found out that your chances of conceiving every month is very low, I was shocked. I still moved forward with TTC, thinking that it would take me a month or two to get pregnant. WRONG. July, August, and September went by with no luck. I finally found my sense and looked more into this. I started participating on TTC boards, and was introduced to charting, and to the wonderful book. Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I read it and had a whole new outlook on things. I charted my cycle for October-January, and still did not have luck. I started paying more attention to my CM, but by April I was getting frustrated. I saw my primary care doctor for my annual pap and physical, and she suggested I see an OBGYN. So, off I went at the beginning of June. He wanted me to start using OPK's, which I had not done up to that point. He said if I did not have luck by August, then we would move forward with lab work, an HSG ultrasound, and a semen analysis for Mr. June Bud.

Mr. JB and I really took the whole trying OPK's seriously, and gave it another valiant effort. Well, I really thought that I would have luck this month. Not to be too frank, but Mr. JB and I had sex everyday the week leading up to O, and then also the few days following. I was sure we had timed it right this month. Soooooooo, on Sunday afternoon, I got the bright idea to take a pregnancy test. I was only 10 DPO, but I figured...what the heck??? We were going over to a friends house that evening, and I planned on drinking a few beers, and I wanted to make sure I was not indeed pregnant before I did so. Sooooooo, I took the test at about 4 pm, and got this...
Yes, a very.VERY faint HPT. It is really hard to see it in this pic, but it was there. I was very excited, but also a little hestitant. I could NOT sleep that night, and lil June Bud also couldn't sleep, so I was up most of the night. At 3 am, I decided to POAS again. NEGATIVE. Followed up with a digital at 9 am...NEGATIVE. I did not know what to think...was it too early still? Was I really not pregnant?? Time would tell...

Well, today, right on schedule AF arrived. I am a mixture of emotions. I cried, I ranted, and now I am trying to put my big girl panties on and move forward. I did call my doctor and schedule my HSG. I will go in for it on Sept. 2 (at the start of my next cycle). So, Mr. JB and I have one more chance for a valiant try. I will order more OPK's, chart RELIGIOUSLY this month, and monitor my CM. I just feel very deflated tonight. I really wanted to be pregnant before returning to work in a week. It is hard to pick yourself back up and keep going after AF shows. I am tired of doing it time and time again. It has only been a year!!! I can't imagine doing this for years and the girls who have I TRULY admire.

I have been pretty good about keeping my spririts up each failed cycle, but even today as I walked through the mall (I treated myself to a small shopping spree...yes, period bloat and all:-), I found myself tearing up when I saw other babies. Then of course, I went into Kirkland's (a home decoration store) and I saw tons of cute little girly things I would put in a girls nursery if we were to have a little June Bud baby girl.

I know Mr. June Bud, lil June Bud and I will have another addition to our family eventually. Whether I get pregnant naturally, we go the IUI or IF route, or we adopt again, we WILL have another little joy in our lives. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will happen, and wonderful things come to those who wait.

But, in the meantime...I am kicking my feet up tonight and enjoying a frosty Margarita.


Blueberry Bud said...

Welcome June Bud! I am so sorry...what a letdown:( I hope you get some answers from doing the testing and that you will get your BFP in the near future!


Bloomin' Babies Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved Bloomin' Babies Designed by Kate M. Gilbert