August 31, 2009

Things I've learned while being KU - 1st Tri Addition

Well I'm officially 10 weeks pregnant today. While 10 weeks isn't that long compared to 40, I've already learned my fair share of lessons! So here goes - 1st Trimester Addition of What Mr & Mrs Glow Bud have learned while being KTFU!

  • 10 weeks - Double digits baby! I don't know why one more digit has more meaning but it does and it feels AWESOME!
  • Don't try to set up a hand me down crib with no instructions by yourself. My grandmother gave us this gorgeous crib and I know it's REALLY early to be setting it up but my BFF is coming to visit for four days with her newborn next week and I thought it would be nice for her. It took me an hour searching for the instructions online and 3 hours to put it together to the best of my ability - the finished product is missing a semi-important (ok crucial) part. Hopefully I can find it online?!
  • Do not drive 400 miles across the state without a bag full of snacks... enough said.
  • Always know where the bathrooms are located - whether it's puking or peeing, sometimes you just need to go NOW! Just in case The Bathroom Diaries can help!
  • Telling your dad that you are pregnant is probably the first time in your life that you have declared to him that you are no longer a virgin... I'm 28 years old and this was still uncomfortable and I think Mr. GB got a little side eye action from pops.
  • Wear earplugs when you tell your mom and mother in law.
  • Mr. GB fast learned to not take it personal when I'd rather be asleep than sleeping with him - The last 10 weeks must have been the longest drought of almost 9 years together! I'm tired and just not in the mood?! Hopefully this will pick up soon!
  • After you announce your pregnancy to your girlfriends you will never again have a conversation that doesn't include questions about the baby and the one's who've already had a baby will recount every detail of their pregnancy.
  • My Saturday nights have changed but I still have a hangover on Sunday morning.
So far that's the best of the worst! At the least it's been an entertaining 10 weeks - I'm still having a pretty easy 1st trimester so I'm just trying to be patient until my next appointment at 11 1/2 weeks... oh... that's another thing I've learned - this game is all about waiting.

I'm perplexed AND scared to test!

For some reason, I'm really worried about testing this cycle. I just can't bear to see another BFN! Yet I have numerous people telling me that they think I'm pregnant based on my chart.
I also feel like I very well could be pregnant but then again I'm not tired or run down. Maybe it's just too early for thos symptoms yet.
Well, I guess I will just have to wait and see what my temperature does tomorrow. If it goes up, then I may test. I was trying so hard to hold out until Saturday but we will see if I make it or not.
Ugh, I really hate the flip flopping that I'm doing right now.

I'd like to get off the ride please...

This weekend was quite the roller coaster. On Friday, I thought I'd bring up the conversation... the possibility, of maybe waiting for one more year, when the baby would be due after Mr. Brainy Bud graduates and I'm not having to take a furlough day every month. He COMPLETELY shifted into low gear and gave me the most disappointed face I think I've ever seen! Worse than a puppy dog looking sad after doing something bad. It was like ripping a new hole in my heart! Of course, I have the greatest husband ever because he said he'd wait forever if that is what it took, but he is ready now.

So Saturday came and went with much contemplation in my own heart and then came SUNDAY. Good ol' Sunday church that always makes me want to run out of the choir loft, down stairs and crawl into a ball and cry like a baby. Again, God decided to let me know that this is HIS plan and not mine and I need to quit worrying about everything else.

So today, before my $1.00 coupon run out, we took a trip to the store and purchased these.

Image Source

It was kindof exhilarating knowing that we are T minus 20 days before TTC. Scary too! Until next time...

Faith, Love, and Baby Flutters
Mrs. Brainy Bud

When will my body be back to normal?

So I know it has not been a month since the m/c but it seems as if its been for EVER!
At my follow up appointment the doctor said that I should resume to my normal cycle immediately with the next 28 days after the miscarriage but it can take up to 6 or 7 weeks for my period to return, especially since I had a "natural" m/c. Oh and lets not forget the part that he said that I am still fertile since ovulation can occur 14 days after a m/c. Great, its bad enough that we just loss our baby, my body is going through tons of changes and now I can get pregnant when I'm trying not too. That's just awesome (being very sarcastic).
This pass week my hormones were all out of place... I have been an emotional wreak and have broken out in pimples as if I just entered puberty in High School. Its crazy how our bodies change with in a matter of a few days. The reason behind the hormonal in balance is because our bodies are charging up with all of its hormonal might to carry a baby and then, suddenly it no longer needs to continue with that effort when the m/c occurs.
Here is a great chart that I found that shows the blood flow when you are going through a m/c:
This is such a great demonstration and to the T from my personal experience. The bleeding was extremely heavy on Wednesday and by Thursday afternoon I was just spotting.

Well 14 more days until it makes a month and I'm hoping that AF shows up, I will continue to chart and hope that she does not take up to 7 weeks to show up.
How odd... All throughout our lives we are not so thrilled when AF shows up but now for the first time in my life I'm hoping she shows up, Soon! I think I will be jumping for joy when I see her.

Where are you AF?

I'm 16DPO (my longest LP) and there is still no sign of you and I would really like you to arrive so that you can be out the door by the time I go to the lake this weekend. Is that too much too ask?

After getting a BFN on Friday morning, I'm terrified to test again because I know I would get the same result since my temperatures have gone down three mornings in a row. All signs pointed to her arriving on Friday, I even had a little spotting, but three days later, nothing. So continues the waiting game.

August 30, 2009

Still on cloud 9

and praying & hoping I never come down! I just still can't believe we finally got our BFP! I'm already having some symptoms but that is really no big shock for me. I can't really take BCP's because the Progesterone makes me nauseous, moody and a million things in between. So it's no surprise that I already have some serious mood swings. I'm pretty good all day, great energy, good mood... until about 6:30 every night! Then I need some food & a nap and will bite someones head off if they get in the way! I have already started looking at baby furniture online, which Mr. Faith Bud thinks is CRAZY. Ha Ha. I am already pretty sure we will be having a boy. With little Faith Bud I had the same feeling from early on that she would be a girl and it worked then.... Maybe I'm on to something. Also according to the Chinese chart little Faith Bud was meant to be a girl & baby Faith Bud should be a boy.... I don't think I really believe that stuff but it's funny to look at! We make our first appointment tomorrow and they should be doing an ultrasound at that appointment, which should be at about 6 weeks. I can't wait!!! Here is a picture of the bib I got to tell DH... except I couldn't keep the secret & ended up telling him before he got home!

I'm Bummed...

Mr. Worry Bud & I have been out of town this weekend at his friend's wedding. Well yesterday (4 DPO) while sitting at the church I started getting very slight cramping & lower back pain - a little stronger than O cramping, but weaker than my normal (on BCPs) cramping. After the ceremony, I ran to the bathroom & much to my dismay I saw very light red spotting when I wiped. I tried to tell myself, "maybe it's just REALLY early implantation spotting," but nope - it got heavier by the time we were home so it's definitely AF. This means this cycle I had a 3 day LP - down from 7 last cycle. I am soooo sad about this I don't even know what to do. I'm trying to be patient as that was only my 2nd cycle off the pill - and it's probably just my body re-adjusting, but I am a constant worrier (as you know) & can't help but think there may be something more wrong. Mr. WB tried calming me down (I actually started tearing up yesterday outside the reception) & said it'll be fine, that I JUST got off the pill, so I hope he's right.

So, I guess it's on to cycle #3 unfortunately. This cycle I am adding in vitamin B6 as it is said to help lengthen LPs. I am hoping & praying that it works!! Please keep me in your T&P! If I get to cycle 4 & don't see any change in my LP (or a BFP!), I will be calling my Dr. to see if there is something more they can give me to help out.

August 29, 2009

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are

I'm having a little bit of a hard time today. I feel like that Tracy Lawrence song, Find Out Who Your Friends Are has been the theme song in my head for about the last 3 weeks. For the first time I've really realized that our life has changed and will continue to change for a long time.

Before I get ahead of myself you are probably thinking "Um... DUH! You're having a baby!!"

Well, so far I've prepared
myself for making room for baby. I've never been a "health nut", but I'm starting to love finding new things that are healthy. To be honest, I used to drink... a lot, probably more than is healthy. I've quit, it was easy and I really feel fabulous about it. I've always worked out pretty regularly and while I've not been to the gym since my BFP due to the immense lack of energy, I plan on getting back on the treadmill when my energy comes back (please come back soon!). This list goes on...

What I wasn't prepared for is for our friends to start treating us differently.

Maybe it's in my head, or maybe it's the hormones that's making me think things that aren't really happening but either way, it makes me sad.

So, in my first post I talked about the girl, lets call her J, with the 18 month old. J's situation really kicked my baby bug feelings into gear and for the last year she's been my best friend. We literally talked or hung out every day but since my BFP, now 5 weeks ago tomorrow, I've seen her twice.

Granted she's working more, school is starting soon for her, and her boyfriend is back from working out of town but still... where did my bff go??? Is it really because we can't go to
our favorite restaurant and grab the best drinks EVER anymore? Are you just really busy like you say you have been? Or is it because you seem to have adopted our other friends girlfriend as your new drinking buddy and bff? Yes... I'm admittedly jealous that I've missed multiple invites to go out with these two because they say they didn't want me to be uncomfortable. Ok people I'm pregnant... this doesn't mean I've turned into a hermit!

This isn't the only friend we've experienced this from but for the sake of me rambling on, it's the one that's effecting me most.

The thoughts of what I'm going to miss out on over the next 7 months are trying to take over the thoughts of what I'm going to gain in the next 7 months. These are thoughts I need to squash! Because really in the end I'll have gained something much more special... on to the next theme song!

My mother is going to drive me crazy

Ladies (and any gentlemen who may read this), my mom is already starting to drive me up a wall. When I told her our big news this week I asked that she keep it quiet. She has told me that other than her co-workers she has only told one other person. She has told one of my aunts who doesn't keep in contact with the rest of the family. That is ok with me but I guess said aunt is into knitting and wants to know when we find out (if we find out) what the baby is so she can do something other than green and yellow. I said to mom oh just tell her to knit something rainbow, thinking that would be cool and then if we don't find out and have subsequent kids it would be useful for all.

Well I should have known, oh so now we know what you'll do the nursery in she says. Ummmm Mom I haven't started planning that far ahead as I am only 6 weeks on Sunday I really want to make sure things are going well before I start planning that much.

Mom works a half day on Monday and I thought cool I'll be in town why don't we get together and go out to dinner as we haven't spent much time together this summer with my crazy work schedules. So she has suggested I go to places like Target, Walmart, Toys R Us and start making a list of what we need and want nursery and baby wise, while I wait for her to be done with the doctors appointment she has right after work.

I love my mom I really really do but now I know that she is definitely where I get the plan plan plan gene from.
So now in addition to the anxiousness over my 1st OB appointment I have to wonder what my mother has planned for our baby already.

August 28, 2009


Well, tomorrow I am going to BabyPalooza ( in Birmingham with one of my girlfriends (she is 36, almost 37, weeks pregnant) and I am slightly dreading it. I know that it will be a lot of fun and that it isn't just for women that are expecting or that already have children, but it is going to be hard see all those babies and pregnant women and then go home and know that we have to continue to pull and pray for just a little while longer. Oh well, I will have my turn soon enough and this will just give me some great ideas for when I do get pregnant.
Anyone else have "baby envy" or "belly envy"? Of course you do, who doesn't?

With that being said, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Well I made it to Friday . . .

before I POAS. But now I wish I had waited even longer because of what I saw on the stick, a BFN. So sad! For over a week I have been having sensitive nipples and lower back pain. Symptoms that I never have, before or after O, or even before or during AF. So I got my hopes up. I got even more excited when my alarm went off at 5:30am to take my temperature and it had not gone down (13 DPO). I was so excited to see 98.4 degrees that I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to POAS. You know the outcome. So with tears in my eyes I climbed back in bed and curled up next to Mr. Hopeful Bud. He said "what's wrong?" I said "We're not pregnant." He just hugged me closer and said "We will get our baby soon, and I'll call and make an appointment for next week."

So what is next for The Hopeful Buds? Well, I reconfigured my ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor, so hopefully that will work for us this cycle, whenever it starts. Mr. Hopeful is going to call a urologist for a Sperm Analysis. As soon as AF arrives, I will call my doctor to get an HSG scheduled at the radiologist. I also think I may start looking for a new doctor. Fun times ahead for the Hopeful Buds.

On the bright side, this means that I get to partake in some alcoholic beverages at the lake over Labor Day weekend. :)

Seriously Scared

Image Source

Well, in about 20 something days, we will go from TTA to TTC. I swear, the past two days I have about made myself so sick thinking about it. I have bitten my nails, nervously read almost every baby book I could get my hands on, woken up in the middle night, cried at the drop of the hat.... knowing that we are THISCLOSE to starting our family. I am basically scared, seriously!

Not for the whole "raising a child" part, but the whole pregnancy/L&D and all the other things that will happen to my body part. I know that it is normal to be scared, but I wish that this feeling would just go away.

Faith, Love, and Baby Flutters
Mrs. Brainy Bud

AF arrived- finally!

Which would explain the horrible PMS headaches I've been having for the last couple days. I kind decide if I'm sad that it was our cycle or if I'm just relieved to have AF show up so that we can try again.
Mr. Daisy Bud told me last night that he thinks we are really ready for little Daisy Bud #2, but he still worries about having enough money to add another baby to our family. He thinks everything will be solved if I can get find a job. Unfortunately if we had two in daycare we would make nothing. Hopefully Mr. Daisy Bud's job will continue to stay stable so that we do not have to stop TTC.

August 27, 2009


Holy cow!!! I just can't believe it! I took a HPT earlier & it came up wtih a faint positive. I went to get a digital & wasn't expecting it to be positive yet. But I was wrong! I got the YES+ after the 3 minutes!!! Mr. Faith Bud & I are so thrilled & so glad that God has blessed us! I go in for my first HCG tomorrow and then again on Monday. I'm still in shock! I am going to buy a CBE Digital Test just so I have the test that says "PREGNANT" for the baby book. [:)]

Let the over-analyzing (of everything) begin!

Well, here we go yet again! That all too familiar territory of the 2WW. And once again, I’m sitting here analyzing everything little twinge and pain. What is wrong with me???? And where, oh where, did my self control go??

So, join me in the analysis, won’t you? I am 5 DPO and my temps are looking good! Here’s my chart: My Chart. My symptoms so far are: Sore breasts, my skin is breaking out (I feel like a teenager again), and by far the weirdest symptom - my lips and fingertips have a metallic taste when I lick them.

Now - Let me back up a minute and really analyze these symptoms. The sore breasts, well that comes and goes from cycle to cycle BUT typically it’s not this early. My skin breaking out – well that comes with the territory too. Now, the metallic taste to my lips and fingers, now THAT is just bizarre. Picture this if you will, I scrub my hands with soap and water. Once dry, I lick my finger and it doesn’t matter which one – sure enough it tastes like metal and it’s not pleasant at all! This has taken place since CD 3 and some say this could be a good sign. I’m sure there is a logical explanation – maybe too much iron or something along those lines.

So, for now, I’ll sit here and ponder and wonder. No matter what, I won’t test until Sept. 5th! Try as you all might, it won’t happen before then, Sorry!

Wishing everyone luck,

Sunshine Bud

Did you know .....

That nearly EVERYTHING could be considered a pregnancy symptom. During the 2ww I tend to obsess over every tiny thing. And since there is no such thing as TMI when talking about TTC here is my current issue. The past few days I have had a weird tingling and tightening feeling in my stomach. Well last night, I got extremely sick to my stomach. I spent like 2 hours on the stinkin toilet! What the heck??? I didn't eat anything funny I wasn't feeling sick. Just tired. So what do I do??? Of course I google it! And apparently diarrhea is a early sign of pregnancy, some nonsense about your body detoxing itself & preparing for baby. So for the first time in my life I'm praying that my crappy, pun intended, night is because my uterus is finally cooperating!!

A wake up call

"Hi, Mrs. Dandelion Bud. It's Nicki from Dr. RE's office. I just wanted to tell you we got all of Mr. Dandelion Bud's blood work back. The genetics are all normal."

On one hand, that wake up call this morning was good news. No hidden genetic issue to worry about as Mr. DB gets older... no genetic issue to pass on to unsuspecting children...

No explanation for our Male Factor Infertility... that's the other hand.

There's nothing we can try to fix. There's no concrete explanation.
We're left with conjecture. "Has there been any trauma to the testicles?" Not directly. Mr. DB had a bilateral hernia repair as a child. "Oh, the hernia repair". Only one side was affected, but the surgeon recommended repairing both sides "just in case".

Our RE says science is finding that these hernia repairs are commonly the cause of male infertility, lacking any other diagnosable explanation. One little slip of the scalpel... one surgeon with less than 100% focus... one surgeon not considering his 4 year old patients' future fertility.

And then there is none.

So, now what? Now it's IVF with ICSI.

What will happen is after I go back on months of birth control pills to rest my ovaries and sync to the RE's schedule, I'll get shots. Every day. Painful shots that will stimulate my ovaries to produce bagillions of eggs. Or 12. Whichever. Mr. DB will "provide a sample". They'll pick the best of his and the best of mine, and they'll inject the best sperm into my eggs.

And then we'll wait. And

Short of one careless doctor 30 years ago, we have no explanation for what we're going through.
All I know is, while our diagnosis is "MALE" factor infertility, the physical pain is mine. The emotional pain - that belongs squarely to both of us.

FUIF. Really.

Blighted Ovulm...

is the cause of 50% of first trimester miscarriages in which the baby either never develops or stops growing in the first trimester and then reduces to tiny pieces. A woman’s body recognizes abnormal chromosomes in a fetus and naturally does not try to continue the pregnancy because the fetus will not develop into a normal, healthy baby. This can be caused by abnormal cell division, or poor quality sperm or egg. Unfortunately, in most cases a blighted ovum cannot be prevented, however it is very rare for a women to experience a BO twice in her lifetime.

This is how the placenta and Embryo should begin to look like:
A perfect sac at 5 wks 4 days:

A sac at 6w 3days, but the embryo is developing at a slower pace:

Same embryo at 8 weeks:

and here is how a Blighted Ovum sac looks like... empty:

I would have never suspected that there was anything wrong with my pregnancy since I had all the pregnancy symptoms from increase in appetite, peeing like a race horse, dead tired by 4 in the afternoon and how can I forget the cravings for food that I never eat... cucumbers!! At times I am kind of relieved that this occurred early in the pregnancy where we never heard the heartbeat or saw the embryo, because I do not know how I would accepted the fact that my unborn baby was not developing and there is nothing that we can do to help it being further along in the pregnancy.

My heart goes out to those woman who have suffered a miscarriage in their 11th, 18th even in their 20th week. You ladies are so strong and I wish nothing but the best for you.

We are praying to start trying again next month and hoping to have a sticky baby.

7 weeks

Just a quick post to say today is the official 7 week mark. I am so happy the little Expat Bud is sticking like he/she should be :-)

Morning sickness is getting the best of me though... I am posting from work right now and then heading home to rest and hopefully feel better as I haven't kept anything down today.

I apologize for the rather lame and boring post but I just don't have the energy to be cool and exciting like the other buds! I do have some fun stuff to share, and hopefully I'll be up to posting it soon.

August 26, 2009

Wishful thinking??

So twice this week I have had some crazy intense migraines. They SUCK big time but I'm praying it's a good sign. The last time I had migraines this often was during my pregnancy with little Faith Bud! My body does crazy things with hormones so I'm wishin' & hopin' & prayin' that this is our month! My chart isn't looking all that promising but I can't help but get my hopes up. Just a few more days until a test will be accurate! Keep all your fingers, toes & everything else crossed!

To test or not to test? That is the question.

I can't decide if I should test again. The last time I tested was last Friday. I am on cycle day #49. I'm trying to hold out a few more days because of my lack of knowing for sure my ovulation date. (Or in fact, if I have even ovulated at all yet.)
I think I'm going to start using my CBEFM again next cycle if I don't get my BFP this month. This not knowing where I am in my cycle is driving me crazy.

So the journey has begun

Mr Daffodil Bud and I found out August 15th that we are expecting our first little bud. Based on my LMP we are due about April 25th 2010. I don't go to see my OB until August 31st (next Monday).

So the next few days are a waiting game. The only things that are even making me "feel" pregnant are that I have sore boobs, pee what seems like every 5 minutes and if I could would nap 5-6 times a day. Oh and this week I am getting queasy all the time, no actual sickness yet but it is sure to be coming.

So I am (im)patiently waiting for my doctors appointment to confirm things so that I can at least start spilling the beans about our little bud to the family. I told my mother this week because I have a hair and nail appointment on Friday and with as queasy as I have been if I need to tell the stylist to stop I want to be able to tell her why so its not like I am viewed as icky and contagious. My mom and I go to the same stylist and our stylist banks with the credit union my mom works at. If mom had found out from someone other than me or Mr. Daffodil Bud, she would have been devastated.

One of the things that makes me so very nervous about telling too many people early is the fact that my mom had me and then multiple miscarriages after me. I am afraid that this could happen to me. I try not to dwell on this fear and would actually welcome some other pregnancy symptoms just to feel as if things are going well.

Here's hoping my next 9 months are as healthy and happy as they can be.

August 25, 2009

9 Weeks Down... 31 To Go!

Baby Glow Bud is 9 weeks!!!

Despite the fact that it's a little generic, I think that's comparison's of Baby GB to fruit and vegetables is pretty interesting and at least I can really picture how big he or she is.

It's a lot easier to explain to Mr. Glow Bud this way too! He's a little clueless as to these things and asked me the other day if I can feel any movement yet. I had to set him straight that no, I
cannot feel something the size of an olive move around in my belly - even if it does have arms and legs now! Here's what Baby GB is up to this week:

Baby's now the size of a green olive!
Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like...well...a baby!

Our next appointment is set for Sept 9th, the wait is killing me to hear that little heartbeat again!!! Mr. GB I don't think will be able to go with me but we're crossing our fingers that everything is still ok in there and that we don't have anything to worry about!

So far (knock on wood) I've had no morning sickness, no spotting, only a little cramping during the 1st few weeks but it's subsided, no food aversions - other than the smell of Mr. GB's cocktail one night almost made me hurl but I guess this is good as it could be a craving that I can't fulfill? Right? I haven't really gotten too many cravings yet either, every so often the thought of something pops into my head and I want to have it REALLY bad. Last weekend it was lime popsicles... mmmMMM, lime popsicles!

What I HAVE experienced is that I'm a lot more hungry than normal, I usually never ate breakfast before and now I have to. I can drink a whole glass of milk and not feel like my stomach is in a knot 20 minutes later (pre-Baby GB milk was off limits!). I literally cannot go more than an hour without going pee if I've had anything to drink. And last but not least, I want to sleep... ALL-THE-TIME!

Anyway, hopefully you will enjoy the journey of Baby GB - I am so far!

It's O Time

Today was the first day of school. I am an assistant principal at a high school, and the first day of school is not a fun day. I was up at 5 AM, at work at 6:30 AM, and didn’t leave until 8 PM. It was at least 95 degrees today and I spent about 3 hours and 15 minutes of my day outside directing traffic, herding students to class or watching them eat lunch. The rest of the time I was running from classroom to classroom, picking up attendance cards, delivering bus passes and generally looking like a chicken with my head cut off. I was sweaty, exhausted, grumpy and hungry. But as soon as I got home, I jumped on Mr. Chef Bud, dragged him to the bedroom and mustered up enough energy to TTC Little CB. It is THAT time of the month…not AF, but the big O. I had a positive OPK last night and this morning, and am expecting to ovulate tonight or tomorrow. And after six months of TTC I’m now at the point that NOTHING is going to stand in my way of BDing during my fertile window.

Before it would have been a miracle for Mr. CB to get me to have sex any time during the first week of school, let alone the first day! Yes there are nights that one or both of us don’t want to, and sometimes Mr. CB isn’t feeling it, if you know what I mean (such as last night, we had to shake it up a bit and move to the living room…he said he wanted a change of venue!) but we both want to be pregnant so badly and are willing to do what we need to in order to make it happen. And I know that we could have sex every other day and be fine, but I like knowing that we did everything in our power to conceive Little CB. And when you look at my chart at the end of this week, there should be at least 6 days in a row of intercourse…which just might be a record for us. If it doesn’t happen this cycle, it sure won’t be for lack of trying!!!

Wishing And Thinking and Hoping And Praying

....that AF will show soon. It's been almost a 50 day cycle. The last time this happened, I called my doctor at day 63 to get an appointment to get the Provera shot, but AF showed that weekend before my appointment. In the meantime I am staying busy and trying not to stress over it. I have started painting again to keep busy. It makes me happy to paint and gets my mind off the stress of ttc and AF and everything else that comes with being a woman.


Let me first give you a little bit of history.

I'm 25, I had my first migraine when I was 8 at Children's Theater in B'ham, AL. Because of where it happened, my parents and my pediatrician thought that I had the migraine because of the bus ride. I continued to have migraines about once every six months or so when I was a child. Then, when I was a teenager, I got them ALL THE TIME!!! It was horrible and my parents thought that it was because I wore perfume, or because I was tired, or because the seasons had changed. After I went off to college, I got on BCP to prevent pregnancy and nothing more. I started to notice that my migraines were much better and that they rarely came around unless I was under tremendous stress. Once I graduated from college I stayed on BCP until the relationship that I was in ended and I could no longer afford them. I noticed that my migraines came back and would make an appearance about once a month. Mr. Bud and I started dating and I quickly got on NuvaRing thinking that this would help to prevent pregnancy and everything would be great. NOT SO MUCH - I had to get off of the "ring" because it "caused me to have a second puberty" with all the hormonal issues it brought on. And this is when we realized the cause of the migraines.

Would you believe that the migraines are from the amount of estrogen my body is producing? Well, baby, it is!!!! I never really thought about it when he said this because he put me on another type of BCP and everything was fine. Maybe a migraine once every three months or so and usually right before AF showed up.

Well, this morning I temped and my temperature went up .02 degrees and wouldn't you know it, I got a migraine. I hate that it happened but, it explains so much. After 3 Tylenol, sleep and 3 hours of missed work, it is now just a dull pain on the right side of my head.
And to think, my family thought it was outside factors bringing them on. Nope, as the gynecologist said - I just produce a large amount of estrogen every month, more so then normal and this causes my migraines. Now the question is, what do I do about this without the aid of BCP?

Hope this helps someone!!

Beantown was a great distraction to the 2WW

So this morning I took my temperature at 5:30am for the first time in five days. That's the longest break I have taken since starting to chart. I decided before leaving for Boston that I was just going to relax, I had ovulated the weekend before, so I was in the 2WW and didn't want to stress any more then necessary. So I didn't even take my BBT with me. Boston was a great distraction, it is a wonderful city and we had the most incredible time. But this fun city provided a bit more temptation then I could turn down. Usually during the 2WW I am very good at not drinking alcohol, but not this last week. On Thursday when we arrived in Boston, Mr. Hopeful Bud and myself started down the red brick path of the Freedom Trail. After two stops, Mr. Hopeful Bud decided that he was thirsty and wanted to go to Cheers, so we did. We even sat at Fraiser's spot at the bar. It started to pour as soon as we got into the bar, so a couple drinks later, we left once the rain cleared up. Later that evening there was wine with dinner. The next day we enjoyed Blue Vodka Lemonades for dinner. It just seems like all we did was drink and eat while in Boston. Please don't judge me, I am usually a poster child of moderation and drank in moderation this week as well. I hate the feeling of being drunk, so I avoid that feeling very well. I guess I just feel a bit guilty for the multiple indulgences on our trip even though I know that IF I was pregnant, the baby and I would not be sharing blood yet at this point. So the baby would not be affected. Good to know, but I still feel a little guilty.

Since we are back home, I will start behaving myself. No more drinking until AF shows up. I will get back to being my good 2WW self. I'm currently at 10DPO, so I'm hoping that I can wait until AF is late before I POAS. Only time will tell. Wish me luck!

Our Miscarriage...

I will never forget the first day that I saw blood in the toilet when I was 6 weeks pregnant.

It was suppose to be a great day for Mr. Bud and me... It was a beautiful Sunday Morning and we were getting ready to go out to buy a few things for a barbeque that we were planning on hosting to surprise the family with the big news.

I woke up and followed my daily routine and as soon as I finished using the restroom I saw some spotting and of course like every pregnant women out there I freaked out. So I told Mr. Bud and we decided to relaxed for the rest of the afternoon. Towards the evening time the spotting started to get worst and bright red blood started flowing every time I would use the restroom. At this point, I’m freaking out, pulling out all my pregnancy books, searching the web and calling the doctors office to find some answers.

The doctor on call called me back right away and explained what was going on and there was a 50/50 chance of anything at this point. He explained that there are women out there that bleed all throughout their pregnancies and go to having a healthy baby and then it can be signs of an early miscarriage. He advised me that if I filled up a maxi pad within 2-3 hours then I should go to the ER, luckily the bleeding was not that heavy so I decided to wait it out at home and go to the doctor’s office first thing in the morning.

The following morning I was up as soon as I saw sunlight cracking through the blinds and was ready to go to the doctor’s office. I wanted answers… Was my baby fine, alive, miscarriage, What was going on??? As Mr. Bud and I sat in the waiting room we waited and waited and waited and saw so many happy pregnant couples and he just kept telling me... ‘Don’t worry we will be fine, we still have a 50/50 chance’. FINALLY the nurse called us in 4 hours later and asked for me to POAS to tell us that we are pregnant. All I could keep thinking is, ok the baby is still in there, and we still have a chance, until we went in for the sonogram.

The doctor asked me a few questions, How many weeks? First pregnancy? Planned? I answered everything as fast as a speeding bullet so that she can get the sonogram machine moving to see what was going on in there. Then she asked me again… ‘How many weeks are you?’ I reply waiting for some terrible news just by her facial expressions; I’m a little over 6 weeks actually 6 weeks 5 days to be exact. She then explained that is not possible, the sac was measuring at 4 weeks and there was no heartbeat. She began on explaining all these medical terminologies and all I could think about was this baby that I had been nurturing, protecting, planning the future for was dying on us. All I could as her was why this was happening, is there any chance that this baby will catch up? She then told me we just had a chemical Pregnancy and continued to tell me there was no way that I was 6 weeks pregnant.

I was so frustrated that I continued to explain to this doctor that we were charting so I know exactly when I ovulated and I have normal cycles, but everything I was explaining to her was going in one ear and out the other. All I kept hearing was you must have conceived another day, not the day you think. After the trans-vaginal sonogram she sent me to do blood work so they can test my beta (HCG) levels to determine if the baby was either growing or getting ready for the miscarriage.

A woman’s Beta (HCG) levels should be increasing daily in your first trimester. This is the only way to determine if there are any problems in any pregnancy. The doctor will request you to do blood work at least a day apart and then compare the results. Here is a graph of what it should look like:

On Wednesday I went back to the doctor’s office because the pain was too much and the bleeding began to get heavier. At this point I already knew we were going to m/c. I already had it in my mind and was ready to hear that. My first beta test came back at 565 and the second one at 195, which means there is no hope from here. They explained to us our options of either having a D&C or a natural miscarriage. Due to the fact that I was very early in the pregnancy and we wanted to start trying again right away I decided to have the natural miscarriage. They explained everything to us and the doctor continued to tell me that it was a chemical pregnancy.

That night was the worst night ever, I already knew what was happening to my baby and there was nothing that I could do or have done to prevent this from happening. Now was the waiting game.

Every time I would use the restroom I would look to see if anything was there, a sac a blood cot anything but all I would see is a toilet full of blood. No full maxi pads, just a toilet full of blood. By Thursday afternoon the cramps had gone away and the Bright red bleeding was dark brown spotting. I knew it was over.

I began to research Chemical Pregnancy (CP) and realized this is not what happened to us. Unfortunately CP is very common. 50 to 60% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage very early in pregnancy. Most occur without the woman even knowing that she was pregnant. We had a sac formed without the embryo, so this means it was not a CP but a Blighted Ovum.

This morning was my follow up appointment and everything went just fine, everything was clear in the sonogram and I should be receiving my beta results by tomorrow afternoon to double check that they are under 50.

My Period should arrive within the next 4 weeks and we will begin TTC after that.

The heartache of infertility

AF showed up last night at 11:50pm.

I cried.

DH apologized for his swimmers not working.

I cried harder.

I apologized for not being able to get pregnant.

He held me.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to get through this.

I'm still crying.

The joke of Male Factor Infertility is that it doesn't just affect him.

The joke is on us.

Daffodil Bud: Starting the Journey

The bags are packed and the car is gassed up and here we are waiting to leave the driveway.The journey we are waiting to begin is our personal TTC journey.

My husband (Mr. Daffodil Bud) and I have been married for almost a year, together as a couple for 8. We are a mid 30's couple,I am 34 and he is 32. Eventually time will run out and we are closer than other couples we know to having to make that decision of if we have trouble what lengths do we go to , to have kids.

We were supposed to get out of the driveway this summer but unfortunate events have put us behind our "schedule". I went off birth control at the end of February and at the end of April my husband got laid off from his job. He just went back to work at the end of July.

Right now we aren't actively TTC but we have moved past TTA. So we are really at the point of what happens will happen. In a few months if we haven't gotten that big fat positive pregnancy test we will start actively trying to make sure we are giving ourselves that best shot at it but for now we are content just going with the flow.

Hopefully this journey will be a smooth one but we are being realistic and know that there are likely to be detours and bumps in the road.


About 2 weeks after originally writing this intro post we got our "lets see what happens" BFP.

So now we are beginning that journey down the road where 2 (plus a cat and a dog) becomes 3.

Excitement and fear of the unknown are sure to lie ahead but we are on the way.

August 24, 2009

Dating Our Pregnancy

I’ve got a lot of catching up to do! I wrote my first post shortly after my BFP and some time (and 3 doctor’s appointments) have past so hopefully this will catch some things up!

So, after the 5 home
pregnancy tests, I was pretty sure that I was positively pregnant. What I wasn't sure of is when it happened.

So I head to my first doctor’s appointment to pee in a cup... they can't get me in with my regular doctor so I see the next best thing, a nurse practitioner. This irritates me but it is what it is
and I figure she can give me the answers I need.
PIAC = Pee in a Cup

She confirms from my "sample" that it's positive however I'll have to come back to meet with my regular doctor and have an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. UGH... ok.

Another week later, I drag Mr. Glow Bud to what I think is going to be our ultrasound. Turns out it's a consultation with DR. C, my regular doctor, to make sure we're on the same page:
  • Are you taking Pre-Natal Vitamins? Yup
  • Don't change the cat litter box. She does her business outside
  • Make sure to stop drinking alcohol. Its ok I pounded my last vodka tonic right after I saw the 1st set of pink lines (totally kidding!!)
  • Limit your intake of deli lunch meats. Lunch meat? Ok...???
  • Are ever around 2nd hand smoke? Mr. Glow Bud gets a lecture and says he'll quit before the baby comes.
  • Don't jump on trampolines. Check
This list went on as I watch Mr. Glow Bud slump further in his chair. She then says she'll schedule us for the ultrasound... wait what? That's today? Dr. C tells us they don't do them in the office and that we’ll have to go to their downtown office for that. Ugh... pregnancy really is all about waiting isn't it?

They got me in 3 days later and I was told to make sure I have a full bladder before I go in. So, three days later at 6:45am I down my recommended 20 oz of water and 30 minutes later I get to drink 10 oz more. We get to the office to check in and by that time I think I might wet myself.
This was me in the waiting room!

I literally ask Mr. Glow Bud if he thought I'd be ok if I just "went a little"... he said probably not. So, the nurse finally calls us in: "So you are here to date your pregnancy?" Hmmm... Yes, I knew it was going to be a long 9 months but I get to feel like I'm in a full blow relationship with it too?

Anyway I get to strip down and lay on the table. She first tries to do the ultrasound with the goo on the outside of my belly (I don't know the terms yet!?). Anyway she doesn't see much, and doesn't SAY much for that matter. So I get kind of nervous that it's all a figment of my imagination and that she won't find anything. She says that I can go pee now but she's going to have to do it vaginally. I get relief in the fact that I finally get to pee but... vaginally? Joy.
You want this where?

So anyway up it goes... but the second the screen blips on we both see the heartbeat. AHHH relief, I'm not imagining it, it's real! She measures and points and explains what she's seeing... to me it looks like a little gummy bear, or a blob depending on which way she tweaks the deal down below. Then she turns on the sound and it almost sounds like a little train tugging away... ba boom ba boom ba boom... 160 beats a minute if I can remember right. She tells us this is good.

Meet Baby Glow Bud!

Not the greatest of pictures but it’s our little gummy bear! She dates it at 7 weeks 3 days** and we can’t be more excited!

**Disclaimer: This blog was a recap of our appointment that was about 2 weeks ago. Baby Glow Bud is now 9 weeks!!!**


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