CD16

Well, nothing too much to report on. FF shows that I O'd on CD12 - Monday the 9th. (Today is Friday the 3th) At the time, I had gotten a postive OPK on that Sunday the 8th. On that Monday morning, I got a negative OPK and a Peak reading on my CBEFM. I really do think I O'd that day b/c I got a pain in my left ovary that only lasted for about 10 secs. We BD'd at about 10pm on Monday night. I really really hope we didnt do it too late- considering eggs "could" only last 12 hours. Please pray that we timed it perfectly.

-Buckeye Bud

I Love You Snooki. I Hate You Snooki. I Love You Snooki.

Sorry I havn't posted in a while. I've just been really down lately. There are so many lucky women announcing their pregnancies that it just makes me feel so hopeless. I'm pretty sure I counted 13 women on my FB in the past three months makes their announcements. EVEN FRIGGIN SNOOKI IS KNOCKED UP (for the record, I effing love her)! It's bittersweet. I can't imagine living a life where this wasn't on my mind 24/7.

Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy that these women can experience this joy. But I sometimes imagine what my life would be like if I knew for sure this was never going to happen for me. And to be honest, it really does mess with your will to live. I'm a woman and it's my job to make and raise babies and the thought that this may never happen kills my spirit. But I won't give up....the hope is all I have to hold onto. On paper, it seems I have so many things worked out. My 4 pregnancy losses have been explained (so they say). But then in the back of my mind those aren't concrete answers so I'm left thinking.....what if these reasons weren't what caused them like they think.

My PCOS being discovered gave me hope for a minute. But then it faded because I study my Fertility Friend Chart probably 10X a day. It was my understanding that with PCOS a lot of women don't ovulate. Which is why I thought I wasn't getting KU. But According to my OPK's and several of my charts I do show that I ovulated (temp spike). That then leads me to think that maybe my hormones are saying I ovulated but the egg was never actually released. Then I start thinking, "well maybe it's Mr. BB!" Or maybe it's my CM. Maybe the consistency is off! AHhh what a mess I have going on inside my own mind. I need out.....but a break is not even an option in my world.

So that's where I'm at emotionally. Physically, I'm doing so so. I am currently on my 4th week of Glumetza (Metformin). I am at 1500mg each day and I'm not sure when I will be able to add in another 500mg. Week 1 was fine with 500mg. Then on week 2 I started at 1000mg. That's when I started to get insanely nauseous and my appetite dimished. I got brave 10 days later and started the 1500mg. I still feel nauseous but not as badly as before. I've noticed that about an hour after I eat (no matter what I eat) I feel SO hungry again. WTF?! I thought this was supposed to help me lose weight?! Nothing at all sounds good to eat but then I'm starved at the same time. This is bullshit if ya ask me. I'm hoping it's just a temporary side effect and will go away once I hit 2000mg's a day. We'll see.

Here are some of my other updates:

CD 3-7 I took my fertility med Femara (alternate to Clomid) each day for these 5 days.
CD 8-9 ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor stated Low Fertility.
CD 10- ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor stated High Fertility. Increase in CM. Did the BD.
CD 11- ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor stated High Fertility. Increased CM. Positive OPK.

I feel well equipped.....so beat it AF.....I don't wanna see your ugly mug anymore for a while! However, if that bish does decide to come this month, I have plans to get some PreSeed Sperm Friendly Lubricant. I get SO burnt out on the BD by day2 that my poor vajay get's tired! (LOL...sorry TMI). Maybe then Mr.BB's little swimmers will be more apt to hang around for a longer period of time up there. THEN, in 2 months, if that doesn't work, Mr. BB has to throw in the towel, swallow his pride, and go get tested himself. In the meantime, I will continue to take my synthetic folic acid, 81mg of Asprin, Glumetza, and my NeevoDHA prenatal.

So that's where I'm at and that's our plan Stan. I'll keep everyone updated on this CBEFM and if it matches up with my FF chart.

Crosshairs! And 5DPO :)

Here we have it... An official set of crosshairs!


I am currently 5DPO :) FF seems to have my crosshairs on my 1st peak day, even though I thought they would pinpoint ovulation on CD23 (based on my temp drop and rise).

Now, we wait. I have a digital, or two, and I am waiting until at least Valentine's Day (12DPO) before I POAS. Hopefully it'll be some good news.

As of today, I feel like crap. I tossed and turned a lot last night, and woke up a bit dizzy :( I don't want to be calling in sick to work, so I bit the bullet and came in. Thankfully, Tuesdays are not too bad, and hopefully it'll go by relatively fast.

One thing is for sure... I can't wait to POAS! I hope I get my BFP :) hopefully I can fall in that group of 17, who got their BFP the 1st month using the CBEFM.



(Photo credit; Baby Center Community Poll)




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Foreshadowing

In my opinion, it can't be any more obvious or predictable. I definitely must have Oed this weekend! See for yourself:


Yesterday, my temp plummeted, and today it rose up higher than it's been all cycle. I foresee a biphasic pattern in my near future... Which is in about two days.

I just hope that we timed the BD sessions well. We didn't BD Friday night (our 2nd day of "peak" readings) cause Mr. DBud was tired. It should be ok, though, cause we BDed the last "high" day before seeing the first "peak", and again yesterday when the monitor returned to "high" (today it also went down to "low" as suspected). I also had a bit of cramping on the peak days, and am wondering if it was possibly mittelschmertz. I hope so :)

I am excited to see what happens with this cycle, especially since I FINALLY got my results from my US a couple of days ago (yeah, the US I had in December before Christmas). I found out that the US came back "normal", so I'm good in that department. I replied to the e-mail asking for them to send me my results for the blood test as well, so I can have them, but she said she couldn't, so she would have a copy for me at the office. When I go pick up the results, it'll probably be the last time I set foot in that office. Two months for an US result is unacceptable! On top of all the other things I've mentioned before. If I do get KU this cycle **fingers crossed** I will be checking out the practice my friend visits. If I don't, we'll be seeking a little extra help with figuring out what's wrong.

If everything continues to go smoothly, I am planning on testing on Valentine's Day. It will mark a year since we said goodbye after our first BFP, and it would be great to say hello to another. All positive vibes and baby dust are welcome and appreciated. :)




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Just as I suspected...

Ladies (and Gentlemen) we have reached the "PEAK"!!!!!




I KNEW it! CD21 (20 on the CBEFM) and finally seeing peak fertility.

Also, the dotted crosshairs are gone... Leaving me a totally crazy chart, which doesn't really bother me. It is what it is!




Now, we just have to continue BDing until the monitor goes back to showing a "low" reading, which is what is recommended.

I'm getting excited. I HOPE this is IT!!! :)




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Conflicting Data

Take a look at my current chart...


CD20 and still seeing dotted crosshairs, predicting O on CD10 due to temps. Meanwhile my CBEFM states otherwise. I have a feeling I may be getting a "peak" reading tomorrow, based on all other signs, and how far into the cycle I am.

My "normal" cycles were 35 days, which means that CD21 leaves 14 days until AF shows or until we see a BFP. I am trying to stay positive yet realistic. It would actually be great to get a sticky BFP around Valentine's, since last year I spent it in the ER miscarrying our first.

Any thoughts on this cycle's chart?



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CD26

Hey ladies, nothing new to report with me. I'm currently in my 2 week wait. Day 6 to be exact. We only did the BD the day before ovulation occurred. Don't ask me why......We actually haven't even done the baby dance too much this month anyways. Just one of those months I suppose. Expectations are still 50/50 for the cycle. As always....
Here's my chart.

I finally got my CBE Fertility Monitor in the mail. I'm excited to start using it. But the directions seem really complicated.....sigh.

In the meantime, my mind is staying occupied with our laundry room renovation. New paint, new cabinets, and new ceramic tile. Woot Woot! I just hope we get done ASAP.....everything that was in that room is now in my kitchen (including deep freezer and washer & dryer.)

I went to my family doctor last week for my yearly physical. I had her test my free testosterone and a few other things. I hear that can be related to acne. Which by the way has been absolutely terrible the past 3-4 months. I have no idea why.....it just keeps getting worse and worse. I have even resorted to using Oxy 10, which is 10% Benzoyl Peroxide. It doesn't even phase it. Just dries my skin out super super bad. I never even had this problem in H.S., so WTH?!! I should hear back from her within a couple of days.

Anywho, hope everyone is doing as well as expected. I know personally, I'm so tired of being without baby. Let me re-phrase that, I'm sad. To the core, completely, totally, absolutely, ridiculously sad. Will things ever change :(

I love my CBEFM!

Today is CD7, and officially, I love my CBEFM (Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor).

It works by identifying your peak fertility days, as well as days where you have a "high" likelihood of being fertile. So it's like an advanced OPK, but measuring both LH and estrogen. The first cycle, you get to start peeing on test sticks at CD6, and continuing for either 10 or 20 days. (You pee on things in groupings of 10, apparently). Starting with the second cycle, your stick-peeing start date changes based on your previous cycle(s). Now, given the number of HPT's I used in September, you all know how much I love to pee on plastic sticks that could possibly show me lines. It's actually pretty ridiculous that such a cheap, small piece of plastic brings me such emotional ups and downs.

That said, I happily started peeing on test sticks yesterday. I was expecting a "low" reading yesterday since it was only CD6, and was happily surprised to see a "high" reading. Same today! I have heard that during your first cycle, it gives a month of "high" readings for many women as it learns your cycle. But still--I'll take "high" over "not even close," "don't even bother," or even just "low" any day. And maybe I'll get lucky and it will give me a "peak" or two. Just in case, Mr. Magnolia Bud and I have been DTD every other day, and will continue until CM shows I'm getting close to O--then we're going to attempt every day. Honestly, that might be a challenge--the only time we've ever done that is on our honeymoon.

If only a trip to Costa Rica was in the cards next week... ;)

Lots of love and baby dust to each of you!
-Magnolia Bud

Excitement about TTC "supplies"

Let me preface this by saying that because we have been waiting for what seems like EVER to TTC after getting bitten by the baby bug, I am very serious about my efforts to TTC once it's time. Although I'm a very impatient person. So all of this may relate to that too.

I got the most exciting packages yesterday! One containing 25 HPT's and two books, and one that had my CBEFM and 60 test strips inside!

I'll start with the CBEFM. This was a purchase from an online "friend" who got pregnant before she started using it. Lucky for her, lucky for me! I'm super excited to start peeing on sticks next cycle! After reading the manual, it looks like you program it on CD1, and then it tells you when to start testing--the first cycle will start testing on CD6. Can't wait!

I've actually never taken a home pregnancy test in my life. I'm SO EXCITED to even own them, let alone be almost to the month where I get to use them. I ordered the cheap strips that you dip into a cup (seriously--they were cheap, under $6 for 25 at Amazon). Once I read the instructions, I had the urge to use one. I can't imagine how difficult each 2WW will be! After I finished obsessing, I hid them under the bathroom sink so I wouldn't think about them until next month.

I also received "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and "The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy." Now, some of you may think I'm jumping the gun a little. But I'm a) a big fan of preparedness, and b) a big fan of super saver shipping from Amazon (which I got, thanks to the books :) ).

I sat down with each and read the pre-conception chapters, along with the chapters about the first month and nutrition. Overall, I'm putting more stock into the Mayo book as I go along. I think they both contained great advice, but What to Expect was definitely geared toward the woman who has not been charting, and who may not have done her homework in figuring out how one's body works. What to Expect was the easier read of the two, and did have some good nutrition pointers and tips (although different guidelines than the Mayo book, and anything that recommends switching your nachos and cheese sauce for anything else with cheese sauce gets the side-eye from me to start).

The Mayo book (the parts I've read, at least) has been easy enough to read (more meaty than WTE), and I think it presents an educated, well-rounded overview of what to expect. It also includes a handy nutritional chart that I hope will be helpful once we do get that +HPT.

Lots of Love and baby dust...

Magnolia Bud

Direct proportion TTC Equation

Many of you who are TTC may be familiar with this equation (or I just may be too much of a control freak): the more time spent TTC is directly proportional to the amount of money used for all things TTC. When I started thinking about TTC, I happily borrowed TCOYF from the library and bought the cheapest BBT I could find at Target. After a few months of charting, DH and I decided to really start TTC and I decided to throw some OPKs into the mix. Of course I find the cheapest ones on the internet and buy just as many I would need for a couple of months, I wouldn't want to have to throw away if I happened to get pregnant. After a couple of months and having very little luck figuring out positives on these, I decided that I could afford to step up a little bit. I went out and bought CVS brand OPKs which were almost double the price of the internet cheapies. I had slightly better chance with these for 1 out of the 3 months I used them. Having heard such great things about CBEFM, I sought a reasonable one out on EBAY (ending up being $80) and won it. While it was a lot more expensive, I figured it would last me through a couple pregnancies. A month using it and I received no peak (which I thought would happen) and about 18 high days. Since we had been trying for 6 months, I called my doctor and she wanted me to have blood work (which I will talk about later) and told me to stop using the CBEFM and go back to regular opks but record only the ones I am 110% sure were positive. Because of this, I ended up buying the CBE digital OPKs. Only a few months ago I was laughing to myself about how in the world would any woman pay that crazy price for peesticks. Hello I guess I am crazy. I have been using them the last 4 morning and am currently waiting for a positive. I am interested to see what I am spending if I am still TTC in 6 more months.

In terms of blood work, my cd 3 bw looked "perfect for a woman my age." I guess that is a good thing. I am interested in seeing what the cd20 progesterone test says. I had a crazy short period this and I am wondering if this has anything to do with not getting pregnant. My doc just wrote it down on my chart and will take that it into consideration when she gets my next results.

I am still a little in awe that I used a mathematical equation to explain my TTC journey. As an English teacher and a life long English geek, I avoid math in anyway shape or form; something must be terrible wrong. I need to go and read some Austen or Tolstoy......or maybe I can just read Twilight or Harry Potter again :).

And the beat goes on...

I am slowly trudging my way through the beginning of cycle 6, and as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, I wasn't really expecting this. Let me take you back to last Wednesday and Thursday. I was 11dpo on Wednesday and had no cramping, but I did have sore boobs, which in the last two months have popped up as a pms sign. I also had two new symptoms: a backache in my lower back and itchy boobs (I know I don't get it either). I was sure these were signs of something good. However the lovely HPT quickly told me I was wrong with a BFN. Obviously my body is just coming up with new ways each month to torture me. Then comes Thursday, 12 DPO. I had yet to make it through 12 DPO without spotting and sometimes spotting heavily. I kept waiting for it to show, but it never did. I had to chaperone a trip to PawSox to watch our school band play, and I was very excited that by 10:30 when we were getting ready to leave, nothing had shown up. I even made a comment to one of my closest friends who was with me. That had to be my mistake. I was so confident that this was the cycle, even though I kept trying to tell myself that it couldn't be. I woke up Friday morning, expecting a good day. I had a personal day from work and was going to a 5th year college reunion pub crawl with some of my closest friends. My mood quickly plummeted when I looked at my BBT; my temp had dropped an entire degree. Not one to give up hope, I tested. BFN! Not even 1 hour later AF showed up. I called DH to let him know and he spent most of his break talking to me. I was just feeling broke and I still do feel as though something is wrong.

Anyways, I went to the pub crawl with my friends, and we drank like champs. At least I didn't have to try cover the reason why I couldn't drink on a pub crawl. At some point in time during the night I was talking to another friend who is quietly TTC. I found out that one their first month trying she had gotten pregnant, but had an early miscarriage. As much as my heart went out to her, I continued to feel bad for myself. I don't know why. I don't want a miscarriage. I want a safe and healthy baby, but I couldn't help but feel a little more down after hearing this news.

For the remainder of the weekend I tried to stay away from all things baby. MTV had a 16 and Pregnant marathon on and since trash tv is my addiction, I simply rewatched season 2 of True Blood (coming back June 13th!). I had totally forgotten about the baby shower scheduled at work on Monday for a co-worker. I was blind sided with this news when I came in at 7:30. Not only did I forget (suppressed maybe?), but I didn't have gift. Luckily a friend let me go in with her. Let me tell you try to smile and seem upbeat a work baby shower when only 1 person knows you are TTC and failing is torture. Luckily the mother-to-be was quick and I could excuse myself to get some more work finished. I know more showers are coming up since our school has a baby due in September and December; at least I will probably have the summer to prepare.

So where do I go from here? I decided this cycle to begin using CBEFM and I am hoping I get better results with this then with OPKS, since I never got a real strong positive. I went back to the gym last night with my SIL to try to loose the eight pounds I put on after my wedding. DH and I talked and decided if I am not pregnant by October we will talk to my doctor. Technically we have only been actively trying since January, but I have been off BCP since October '09 and we didn't really try to avoid all that hard. Being the goal oriented person I am, I have set a new goal to be pregnant by the time I start school again in the fall. Hopefully it won't just fly past me tauntingly like my current goal (to be pregnant by the time I get out of school). I hate that this is the one thing in my life I can't control. I guess that is just the way it is.

Just when you think things are normal

After 7 cycles of charting, I was pretty confident in saying that my cycles lasted between 28 and 29 days, my LP was getting to be around 12 days and I ovulated between cd 16 and cd 18. Then this cycle happened. (My crazy chart).

Now at cd 22, I do not see a clear ovulation. It could be because I was sick earlier in the cycle or that I slept with my AC blasting from about cd 15 to cd 18 or I simply did not ovulate. Looking at just my OPK and my CM, I would say that my body was fully preparing it self until cd16, but my temps surely do not show a jump around then. I am so confused and just ready for AF to arrive and to prepare for cycle 6.

This month I actually purchased a used clearblue easy fertility monitor for cheap and I am really looking forward to getting started with this. Hopefully this gives me some clearer results than I ever got with regular OPKs. I always felt like I was trying to solve some cryptic message when I was looking at those things. Is it darker than the control? Even if it is only one slip of darkness does it count? Nothing about this TTC business has been easy, except of the sex part. That is something we have no trouble doing. :)

Well I guess I just need to wait out the next week or so and see what happens. Maybe by some miracle I actually O'd this month and I will get surprise a next week. I don't think so, but a girl can hope right?

Updated: After looking at my chart for awhile (yes I tend to obsess over things like this), I decided to disregard one of my sick temps and see if that made a difference. Voila! CH's at cd14 which puts me 8 dpo. I will be able to test just in time to know whether or not I can comfortably drink on my college reunion pub crawl.

Day 5 of Clomid - Last Dose

All is well and no issues or massive side effects. Sure the hot flashes are a little more intense but that's all.

Now I just get to hurry up and wait! I did get my first "High" reading on my CBEFM.

Until next time,
Sunshine Bud

Great day

So this post is a little lame but I was pleased to get my "egg" on my CBEFM and a smiley face on my digital OPK!

I"m thankful that I have a fertility monitor. This little gadget really does help me from NOT losing my mind on a monthly basis.

Yes, some may think I'm nuts by using a CBEFM, digital OPK's AND temping. But this is what is best for me, so I will continue to do what I've been doing.

Until next time,
Sunshine Bud