Infertility Checklist

Crazy, sobbing caused by watching commercials: CHECK
Talking to your follicles to make them grow (hey, it works for plants): CHECK
Looking at IF sites during work: CHECK
Scheduling weekend plans around medication times: CHECK
Have IF related argument with husband: CHECK
Having make-up sex via a catheter and technician: CHECK
Being very excited about fertile CM: CHECK

Even though I have technically been dealing with infertility for a few months, it is really starting to hit me that this is not how normal people have children. How nice would it be to go out and drink a bit too much and BAM you're pregnant! Or how about have a few nights of romantically planned passion? I can't even imagine what it would be like to not constantly think about IF, follicle size, CM. What did I think about prior to TTTC?

Mr. Plannerbud and I are coming to the end of our IUI journey. We has first of back to back IUIs this morning for cycle three. My doctor finally appeased me and upped my clomid to 100 mg. It did help. I ended up with two giant follicles, 20.9 mm and 30 mm. Hopefully size does matter! The numbers for the IUI weren't quite as good. 16 million, 63% motility, progression of 3, 5.04 total mobile. Everything is average or above average except for the count. Since Mr. PB's SA numbers are usually higher, the technician thinks stress and pressure have a lot to do with it. Our RE on the other hand says he isn't concerned. One good thing is that I had a plethora of fertile CM. The technician had to clean my cervix off three or four times before she could see enough to put the catheter in. Hopefully this is a good sign. We have one more shot tomorrow.

GTKMC

GTKMC = Getting To Know My Cervix

Me and my cervix, we're like old friends. Actually, we're BFFs. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd have such a close and personal relationship with my cervix. Ha. Heck, two years ago I wasn't really sure where my cervix was. But every day we get to know each other a little better. Ahh, TTC will make you do crazy things. And TTC will make you do things that you will never admit to your non-TTC friends. I can see the look of repulsion on their faces now! The look of "You do whhhaaatttt? But whhhyyyy?".

What I find so amazing about my body, is that everything it does is for a purpose. As a teenager, I remember discovering EWCM in my undies and being totally grossed out. I remember thinking "WTF is wrong with me?" Now the sight of EWCM gives my heart a little flutter! I have a mini celebration for myself in the bathroom, sometimes complete with fist pumps and all. Jersey Shore style. LOL. EWCM gives me the heads up that it's time to get busy with Mr. PB&J. However, when I am nearing day 21 of my cycle and there is no sight of fertile CM (like now), I find myself asking those same question I did as a teenager, "WTF is wrong with me?". Oh, the irony.

This cycle I have really stepped up my game in regards to checking my cervical position and cervical fluid. Charting is a great tool, but the biggest downfall to charting is ovulation can only be confirmed AFTER the fact. In months prior, our intercourse pattern hasn't been great around O time. Let me tell you, it's super defeating to wake up to a high temp when we didn't have sex the night before. I know OPKs are another great tool but frankly, I find them confusing. But that's another post for another time. I really need to stop being cheap and spring for some OPKs that interpret the results for me. Sometimes I become delusional and think everything is positive. Internet cheapies suck.

Anyway, checking my cervix seems to pick up where charting falls short. The clues my cervix gives me are invaluable. I am still learning how to distinguish the difference between the different types of CM. Sometimes I can't tell the difference between watery and creamy or sticky and egg white. And then when semen is thrown in the mix, forget it. I am totally confused. So I don't always record my findings if I am unsure, only if they're obvious. But I have become a pro at checking my cervical position. I do excel in that department! Whether it be high, low, soft, firm, open or closed, I got it figured out.

I am hoping that this month, my good friend (aka my cervix) will pull through and give me the much needed heads up of impending ovulation. I really could use a friend like that right now.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading :)

PB&J Bud

We have CM... I think :-/

So I have seen bits of this Egg-White CM this week... It was a bit slimier than normal, and looked kind of shiny on the paper when I wiped... but no spiking temps as of yet. Could it be? I wanted to try and BD with Mr. DBud last night, but we were so tired, it wasn't going to happen. Maybe tonight? This stuff can be quite tricky...

WTFlip Fertility Signs?!

UGH!!! I don't get any of this... I subscribed to Fertility Friend, have been reading all the charting lessons on Charting your Way to Conception, that's all great (and for those of you who are learning how to chart, and all that, I highly recommend them!). While the lessons are very clear, and easy to understand, my fertility symptoms are NOT! ::insert "PSYCHO" music now:: As someone diagnosed with PCOS, and MESSED UP cycles, I have no idea what I am feeling or going through. I had some thicker than normal CM early last week/weekend, I guess even kind of egg-white, then it got white and creamy... then dry as the dessert over the weekend, with sore boobs. I haven't entered anything in my chart yet, because I am waiting on AF so I can start a nice, fresh, chart. This way, I may be able to actually see what the HECK is going on here... ::crosses fingers::

I am waiting for my new health insurance card to come in, and as soon as it does, I am setting up an appointment with the Endocrinologist... I need to know what the FLIP is going on with my body. This is so frustrating! And the worse part about it is, I have had PCOS since I was 15 years old... No one (Doctors) ever told me to do anything else about it, except take birth control pills so that I get my period regular... now I realize that there is stuff that needs to be done! NEWS FLASH TO ME! Ugh, my moods have been so funky lately... Maybe AF will be making an appearance soon? Will keep you posted...

its official...

we are pregnant!

I am excited but yet EXTREMELY scared. Since I POAS Every time I use the restroom I am petrified of seeing blood on the toilet paper.

We were on a break this cycle (you could read on it here) but I was still using OPK's so that I had an idea where I was in my cycle. After ovulation this cycle, I had some cramps on and off which I normally do not have and creamy cm, then 8 dpo I started to smell any food from like a mile away! especially yogurts.

On Wednesday night I caved and tested on the cheap amazon tests and it had a very faint line. Yes, I know a line is a line but I was still in doubt. Then speaking to a good friend she convinced me to test with a digital on Thursday and that's when I saw this....

Tomorrow I have my first beta BW and then again on Tuesday. the second set. I'm hoping to have some great news before our destination wedding that we have this weekend. I already told my DH even if the beta's come back great we are not telling anyone of our family on this vacation. With our last bfp we had some great numbers and we still m/c. I have been using progesterone supp since 3dpo and am hoping this is it for us.

Any little prayer would be great :)

Best way to eat your words

Well, AF showed her lovely face again; she was a fantastic Mother's Day present. Though I had a temp drop and some spotting on Saturday, I still held out some hope, but no such luck. I had a real hard time holding it together this time; it didn't help that me not being a mother was continually brought to my attention. My mother was incredibly tentative before handing me a mimosa (I ended up sucking down 3) and my ILs all brought up something about me and babies. One said she was expecting an announcement from us today, another wished me a Happy Mother's Day with a wink, and FIL announced that he wanted to see me as a mother next year. Thankfully DH listened from last time and was a great help. When I broke down after leaving my parents, he just held me for about ten minutes.

I guess now we are onto cycle #5. I just remember a conversation I had with a coworker when she announced her pregnancy in January. She said that it took them five cycles. I responded (naively at the time), "5 months isn't bad at all." No it is like forever in TTC time. I feel as though we have been trying longer than we haven't. I can barely remember the relief I used to feel when AF would show up. Now she just sends me wanted to run to bed. I guess it doesn't help that this is really the one thing I can't control and it drives me absolutely crazy. I had hoped to have a little baby PB by the time I walked across that stage to get my Master's. Now I am just praying to have one by our anniversary. At least I will be able to drink at my graduation party, and it is getting less likely that I will have a noticeable baby bump at my friend's July wedding. I guess you have got to count the small things.

We are keeping up with the charting and opks. I am still concerned that my cm tends to dry up around O day. I am drinking green tea a lot, but if it continues this cycle I may call my doctor, who already thinks I am crazy. Maybe the fifth time is a charm and I will have an end of school BFP. One can hope.

Waiting to O -- CM confusion

Nothing too big to report; I am currently waiting to O, which is probably 7 days away. At times, I think waiting to O is worse than the 2ww. Everything is out of your control. If your body decides to surprise you and O early, you can easily miss what you are so desperately waiting for. The lack of control is what I hate. No matter how well I eat or drink my green tea, I cannot make my body O when it is convenient for Mr. PB and myself. Well it looks like we may be busy this weekend and early next week, just in time for my masters' thesis defense, great!

As I am waiting to O, I am looking closely at my CM and am realizing just how much my body loves to play with me. A few days ago, my CM was clearly sticky except for one little strand of stretchy white mucus. Come on, what is that supposed to mean? One little sliver of my body is fertile? Yesterday is very wet with a small bit of tacky mucus thrown in. Is this some kind of funny joke? How confused can I make Planner Bud? After 6 cycles of charting, you would think I would be able to pick the various types out with no thought. Not so.

Oh well, since I got what I believe was wet CM last night, Mr PB and I decided to BD every other night until we get a positive OPK. Mr. PB has the whole week planned and seems very much on board this month. So maybe the fourth time will be the charm. I will keep you posted!

What the heck is this?

Today I woke up and found some EWCM. I never used to get this stuff ever.

The downsides to NOT charting. You have no idea if you really O'd. And that sucks. I decided to STOP charting my temps because I obsess. I would get to the point where I would wake up way too early so anxious to temp. My LP temps would be all jacked up and I would be more confused than ever. I talked to my doctor, my awesome doctor, and he told me just to stop temping for a while and see if that helps some. He could tell from my charts I was ovulating and just said to calm down. Stress causes high levels in cortisone which can cause issues with your eggs accoding to him. To be honest it really has helped a little. I'm more relaxed and I'm trying to take the, "No Care" Approach. Its ALOT harder than it sounds.

So pretty much I woke up this morning found some EWCM. I'm about 90% sure I ovulated and I'm 6 DPO. I'm trying to think, this is a good thing. Maybe my body is trying to get ready to implant Mr. OB's swimmers. Its something different my body hasn't done before. Ugh. If only I had charted. HA! Its a lose-lose situation here.

I really am trying to stay optimistic for this cycle. I'm trying to think maybe this will be our lucky cycle. I'm also trying NOT to find some crazy phantom 2 WW symptoms. The dreaded wait is almost over. Right? Sometime just tell me yes!

This cycle can bite the dust....

Mr. Bud came home from a business trip feeling under the weather and ended up with having a fever all Sunday and Monday. He was so sick, boogers were flying everywhere the poor thing. All I could do is spray Lysol on everything!

This cycle my chart was following the exact pattern from my last BFP cycle so I knew I was going to O either on Sunday night or Monday. Plus I have been drinking Green Tea which I noticed an increase of cm around my O date.

Here is my chart overlay, The green line represents the BFP month and the Purple line represents this month. Its following the exact same pattern...

We BD On Friday, but I do not think his little guys survived all the way until Sunday/Monday.

I have been waiting for this day for a while and planning it out and already hoping that the 2ww would hurry up and pass so that I can poas and hope to see 'Pregnant', but since Mr. Bud was out sick we would have to wait for the next cycle.

Truthfully I was really sad and down all Monday that we were not going to try but I had snap out of it really quick and realize that Mr. Bud is not my Sperm bank/Sex Machine/Baby making tool. Right now I had to put this on hold and take care of him, don't get me wrong the thought of tying him down and jumping on him did cross my head but this is a special moment for both of us.

Sometimes we get baby making in our heads and do nothing but think of this and want this and if something gets in the way destroy it and I was doing this all Sunday night and Monday. I even realized that I was giving him an attitude on Monday, which was so wrong of me... Its not his fault that he got sick.

Now when I think of Mr. Bud all I can think about is him being my...

Off to the next month!

The guessing game...

has just began. I know that I should O any day now but my cycle has been all out of whack since the m/c. If I o on the 16Th day like my other normal cycles that means I will o on Monday, which is a great thing since Mr. Bud and I are usually home all Sunday and have plenty of time to make a baby :)

Since I'm not to confident on knowing what day I o I purchased some OPK 's from Amazon to help me pin point the day. However last night I have heard some mixed reviews from other girls saying they never saw a + OPK. Great.

I also started drinking green tea as of Wednesday and I did notice a lot of cm the first day but nothing else since.

I really hope my body gives me some hints when I ovulate some cm, a + OPK.. ANYTHING!!!

Have a wonderful weekend!

AF has decided to visit on Labor Day weekend

but that is absolutely fine with me!!! I have never been so happy to see her butt.

So now I am in full throttle mode with chartting and checking my CM. Since FF did not pinpoint my O date last month I bought opk's for this month to make sure we do not miss the day. Meanwhile I have 9/20-9/22 Highlighted in all of our calenders to make sure I do not forget (as if I'm going to forget this LOL).

What really stinks is Mr. Bud is going out of town 9/15-9/18 and I really hope that I do not ovulate on any of those days :( . I was calculating if I continue to ovulate as I have in the pass on the 16Th day after my AF we should be fine, Right? However this month my period was a lot shorter than my other periods so I'm hoping this does not shorten my ovulation date from 16 days after af to 14-15 days.

Here is my chart on FF and its showing Monday 9/21...

Ugh... I guess I will be POAS a lot this month until I see a little happy face which means its action time!! :)

I will leave you with a great calender picture, isn't he a hottie??
Only in diapers and all, to cute!!

Credit

Warning! Warning! TMI Below!

Ugh, this TTA thing might just get the best of me.

I am currently on day 13 of my cycle and still very unsure of charting, so Mr. Sugar Bud and I are using the withdrawal method during this time of my cycle. We did this the ENTIRE time we were dating and engaged and it wasn't too bad, but now I am spoiled. I know that we could be using condoms, but Mr. SB doesn't perform as well with a "rain coat" on.
So here is the TMI part of this post - last night was the first night that we used the method mentioned above. We were having a really great time and then it just stopped when he climaxed, UGH!!! Oh well, I guess if have to TTA for just two cycles, I will just have to grin and bare it.

Also, I don't really understand the whole "cervical mucus" stuff. I know what it's for, I know how to check it, but I DO NOT know how to read it. I am always so unsure of what category it is considered. I have always had a large amount of this stuff and now that I know what it actually is, I can't figure out if I am reading it correctly. And well, you can't exactly show it to someone to see if you are reading it correctly.

Man, who knew this whole "baby-making" process was such hard work?

Have a look at my chart on the right side of the screen and see what you think. Remember, we are trying to avoid making a baby.

Happy Monday!

Sugar Bud