Introducing Golden Bud

bark SQEAK!

That's how we say hello here in the Golden Bud household. I am a mom to the world's most handsome Golden Retriever and wife to Mr. Golden Bud. Mr. GB and I are both in our reproductive "golden years" so to speak--he's 42 and I'm 39. We have been TTC since returning from our honeymoon in December 2007.

In the beginning, Mr. GB was way more enthusiastic about babymaking than I was. I'm an only child, I come from a small family, and most of my friends are my age and either single, done having kids, or don't seem to want them. Mr. GB on the other hand has 3 siblings, 7 nieces, and all kinds of fertile college buddies. Of course I wouldn't have married him if I had no intention of having kids, but let's just say that I wasn't exactly psyched to go off the pill. Turns out I never needed to be on it in the first place, but I digress.

After our honeymoon, we tried the old-fashioned way for a few months, and then I bought a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM) to get the show on the road. Turns out I was ovulating around Day 10. At first I thought oh, we’d been doing it a few days too early all along. But then after a few more months of BFNs I checked with Dr. Google (fyi, I see Dr. Bing now) and he gave me an eye-opening diagnosis--decreased ovarian reserve.

So off to the fertility doctor we go. No biggie--my best friend (who is a few years older than I am) was also seeing the same doctor. Mr. GB and I each had a $15k lifetime benefit for fertility treatments, so all our initial testing was covered. Mr. GB had his semen analysis, and I had the standard workup: Day 3 FSH and antral follicle count via ultrasound, pooled progesterone blood tests, and an HSG.

The infertility verdict? Turns out my tubes were busted (one blocked, one kinked), my AFC was 6, and my FSH was 9.2. Not horrible, but not great. Mr. GB's sperm was fine, but with the tubal situation and my age (37), the doctor recommended we go straight to IVF. Again, no biggie--I was prepared for this.

What I wasn’t prepared for was blowing through almost half of my insurance coverage on our first IVF cycle. In addition to having crappy tubes, I'm also a poor responder. We spent over $6k on meds only to have the cycle canceled due to no response. At that point I was considering donor eggs, but our doctor offered us 2 cycles as part of a research study for poor responders. We'd have to pay for the IVF monitoring and procedures, but our meds (the expensive ones) were free.

7 months, $1k in acupuncture fees, and 14 boxes of Gonal-F later, I'd managed to grow 4 follicles, make 4 embryos, and have 2 embies survive to Day 3. I'm talking two IVFs, two different protocols (MDL and antagonist) and virtually the same response--a single perfect 8-cell embryo transferred on Day 3. BFN both times. I'd also used up my lifetime insurance coverage. Within a year. So much for lifetime coverage.

Now is a good time for me to mention that I’m an eternal optimist, very even-tempered, and generally unemotional. This is probably the perfect psyche for dealing with infertility. I don’t think I cried at all up to this point in our journey—I instead preferred to stay positive and work with the cards I was dealt. Mr. GB is the emotional one in the family, but he’s also very tuned to me—if I’m happy, he’s usually happy, too. For this reason he had no doubts about moving to donor eggs. I was excited, and so was he.

The next part of our story, the story of our first donor cycle, is very sad. And I’ve already written so much that I think I’ll save that story for another post. And then after that I’ll get you caught up with the story of our second donor. Yes, that’s a lot of baggage! Fortunately our journey has really only just begun.

Til then, yours truly
Golden Bud

DOA?

No, just DOR. Official diagnosis in my charts of Diminished Ovarian Reserve.

My FSH came back at 10.2. My RE had hoped that the level was high from my last test due to the cysts on my ovaries. But apparently, that wasn't the case. I've got grandma eggs. After everything we've been through to "fix" me, I'm still stuck with the same predicament. Expensive treatment.

I just sat in our ladies room at work (don't worry, there are couches and comfy chairs in there so I wasn't on a toilet or anything!) and cried for the longest time. I just can't take much more of these hits. "You're broken." "You're fixed!" "Ooops sorry, you're still broken."

So we meet with the RE on the 24th to plan the next cycle. He wants to see my next 7dpo bloodwork to check my ovulation before deciding what I will go on.

The nurse said it will definitely be injections because of my age. No IUI though because we don't have sperm issues. We're looking at around $2,000 a cycle.

I'm really starting to feel defeated.

And so I watch another month wasted while I wait to see the doctor.

Diminshed Ovarian Reserve

Yikes. That's what we are possibly facing. It sounds so ominous.

My FSH came back at 10.2 which the nurse said indicates possible diminished ovarian reserve.

I didn't even cry this time when I got the news. I think I'm just numb to bad news now.

So.... we meet with the RE again in 2 weeks. Two days after my ultrasound to see if my cysts are gone. By then, he'll have all my other bloodwork back, including my AMH to see where we go from here.

The nurse was fairly certain a Clomid/IUI cycle was out. She's not certain about an injectable/IUI cycle but feels strongly that he's going to steer us towards IVF.

We can only afford ONE shot at IVF so we'll really need to sit down and discuss what are best chances are... with my shoddy eggs or with donor eggs.

Little Sunflower Bud was pretty clued in to how upset I was feeling and asked if she could cuddle with me. I jumped all over that because she rarely wants to cuddle now! Of course she then patted my tummy and told me it was getting bigger. Oh how I wish, baby girl.

RE isn't throwing in the towel. Yet.

The bottom line is I'm not responding like he thought i would. There's one reason for that. Despite my stellar blood work, we now know that I have diminished ovarian reserve, at the ripe old age of 34.

I've been crying since we left Dr Z's office.

Today's update:
My estrogen went up yesterday. Thankfully. From 52 to 80. Still nowhere near where he wants it to be. However, there are positive signs. My lining is increased to 9mm and it's trilaminar now (the three layers). That is estrogen driven. So, hopefully, my estrogen today is WELL on it's way to where it needs to be.

On my left ovary, i have 4 measuring follicles: 13x12, 13x12, 14x11, and 10x11.
On the right ovary, i have 5 measuring follicles: 11x11, 8x8, 11x8, 10x8, and 10x6.

The others have stopped growing. I am on stims day 9. He said he's not likely to increase my meds at this point, because more might have adverse effects. I'm currently on Gonal-F 300 units (divided) and Menopur 2 vials. Last night I felt some cramping, and i'm definitely bloated. I am SO hoping that my estrogen is up this morning. I'm anxiously waiting for that phone call. (Since i'm crazy and asked him to call even if they aren't changing my doses... i need to know my E2).

He said the estrogen needs to be 500 to trigger and he would like to see at least 2 follicles measuring 18mm.

Perfect bloodwork. Diminshed Ovarian Reserve.

Dr Z said that he isn't worried, and there's still a good chance. Mr. DB agrees 100% with Dr Z.

The hormonally induced blubbering mess that is me is just trying to get through this day. Come on ovaries. You're only 34 years old. I've never asked anything of you in my life. PLEASE. Start responding to the meds.

Please pray for us.