Replacing One Obsession With Another...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Not much new to report over here ... still just waiting and hoping.

Things have gotten better with Mr. Nerdy Bud. He's trying to be more attentive, and we've BD'ed more this month than ever before ::blush::

He even bought me a KitchenAid Artisan stand mixer as an I'm-sorry-I've-been-a-pig-headed-jerk-lately present! :) I've wanted one for quite a while, so it was a welcome surprise!



Isn't she lovely?

I'm not really much of a cook, but I've been trying new recipes and polishing up on my skills lately. Especially since I found The Pioneer Woman's site. She has a lot of good recipes and tips for those of us who are a little less experienced. :)

In fact, it's almost like I've replaced one obsession for another. Instead of reading all about baby names and nursery decorating tips, etc., now I'm searching the blogosphere for fun recipes to try. This weekend, I made Sugar Cookie Pops and Chocolate Covered Marshmallow Cookies. Yum! Trying not to gain 50 pounds though...

Do you guys have any fun recipes you'd like to share?

Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day, full of love and baby dust!

Big Fat Negative

Well, another cycle down, another disappointment.

I'm going to apologize in advance for the depressing tone of this post. If you want to be happy and blissful, please stop reading now.

I promise I'm not this depressed/resentful/jealous/psychotic all the time. Really, I'm not.

Things have just been hard lately. And they're only going to get harder.

You see, I know the reason that I'm not pregnant: We only had sex THREE times this last month. And we only had sex those three times because I insisted on it.

My husband told me last night that he doesn't want me. That he doesn't want to have sex.

It's not a physical issue. I won't get into details, but the three times we did have sex, there was no problem.

And I'm just so confused.

We talked about having a baby, he said he wanted to. That he wanted to have a family with me. But now, it's like he's sabotaging that plan, like he's trying his very best to not make it happen.

Now, I know that I married a nerd. And I mean a socially-awkward-walks-around-with-his-fly-down-all-the-time-and-doesn't-realize-it nerd.

So, after we decided to give this a go, I told him exactly what I needed from him: "Babe, I need you to take initiative and try to have sex with me on a regular basis. It doesn't have to be every day or even every other day. I just need to feel like you really want to do this. I want to feel like you want me."

Man, it totally sounds like I'm just whining. But I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. How can a man not want his wife? How can he say he loves her, but not want to hold her? How can he sleep in the same bed with her night after night and not want to touch her?

It feels like he's not ready to have a baby and I don't want this to be something that I make him do. I feel so lost. He's telling me one thing: "I love you and I want to have a family with you," and doing another. Do I trust his actions or his words?

I want to go see a therapist. I just don't think I can handle this stuff on my own. I've never done that before, so that will be a new experience.

Sorry to be such a downer again. Hope everyone is doing well and feeling those baby flutters!

Is It Just Me...

Or when you're trying to get pregnant, does it seem like everyone around you is suddenly getting knocked up?

Image Source

Like everyone else can, but not you?

Ugh.

One of my clients told me today that she's pregnant and she may quit her job next fall so she can stay home with the baby. She's 14 weeks along.

And one of our couple friends from college just told everyone that they're expecting Baby Number 1 -- and the wife has already quit her job to stay home. She posts on Facebook all day about how she wishes she looked *more* pregnant. Seriously? Who wishes they could look *more* pregnant?

And there are numerous other friends and acquaintances who either are expecting or have just given birth.

Would it be crazy to de-friend all of the pregnant people I know on Facebook?

I'm a bitter, impatient woman.

--End of Rant-- :)

Anniversary Surprise!

It's been a while since I posted. Sorry for that. Life has been so crazy these last few weeks.

Last time I posted, I was just about to leave for our one-year anniversary dinner. That night, Mr. Nerdy Bud surprised me with a sweet gift:

A little baby bottle charm from James Avery!

Since we haven't told anyone we're TTC, I can't exactly add it to my charm bracelet. So, I decided to go to the store and get a chain so that I could wear it as a necklace, when it's just us.

I love the little scale on the side -- so cute!

When I was at the store purchasing the chain, the woman asked me if I had a new baby. I told her, "No, but we just started trying." She then made a comment that I hadn't considered, but it made me smile: "That's so sweet of your husband. It means that he wants to have a baby, too."

That's been one of the hardest things for me: believing that Mr. Nerdy Bud really wants to have a baby. He's so analytical about things, and he has a hard time showing emotion. Sometimes, I don't get the love and support from him that I need. But now, I can look at this little charm and know that he truly does want what I want.

As far as an update, we're still in limbo. Just hoping and praying that AF doesn't show up this month.

Disappointed

Well, AF reared her ugly head yesterday. No baby this cycle. Welcome to the New Year.

Mr. Nerdy Bud was so great yesterday -- reassuring me that we'd keep trying and that everything will be alright. I know it's only the first cycle, but we tried *so hard.* I haven't been on BC for a year. I don't know what could've happened, and that's what's driving me crazy.

How do you girls do this? Just keep trying month after month, staying positive?

I think the hardest thing was being with my siblings all last week, seeing them with their babies and wondering what it would be like to be a mom, too. I took some portraits of each little family with their babies, and while it was fun, it made me a little sad, too.

Here are some of my favorites:

On a brighter note, today is my one-year anniversary being married to Mr. Nerdy Bud. I can't help but think how great it would be if we were celebrating a little something extra. But I guess it's not meant to be.

We're going to dinner tonight at a fancy Italian restaurant and we got small trinkets to exchange for gifts. Christmas was really good to me this year (a Canon Digital Rebel XS), so I don't expect much.

I hope you all have a wonderful day, and thanks for listening!

The Talk

It's snowing outside! And that's quite a feat, as I live in the Lone Star State!

This White Christmas miracle has put me in a very positive and hopeful mood as I reflect on the changes in my life since we decided to start TTC. This is quite a change from the last few days, as I've been moody and negative. I'm sure Mr. Nerdy Bud is very happy right now!

I know there's no physical difference, but I feel different. Sometimes, I feel like I'm walking around with a sign on my forehead that says, "Active baby-maker." I know it's all in my head, and that nothing has happened yet. But I can't help but get my hopes up. And I'm so scared that it's going to do me in.

Earlier this week, I went to visit my mom, who lives about an hour from my house. We see each other often, and I couldn't wait to tell her about my news. You know, that we were trying. I'm still up in the air as to whether that was a good idea.

Not that she wouldn't be supportive, but that she'd be overbearing. Upon telling her that Mr. Nerdy Bud and I were trying she squealed in glee and proceeded to quiz me about how often we do it. Shudder. That is not something I want to talk to my mom about.

Another problem: My mom knows me all too well. I can't fool her. She immediately sensed that I was stressed about this whole process. I have such a hard time with things I can't control. And this is *majorly* out of my hands. She told me I need to relax and have fun with this -- easy for her to say -- and that my stress could cause my body to have a negative reaction and make it harder to conceive. She's no doctor, but I value her wisdom.

So that's where I'm at: trying not to freak out and stay a little less stressed. Enjoying the cold weather and the snow and hoping that this time next year, we'll have a little one to share the season with.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and that more miracles are forthcoming!

Nerdy Bud, the Complete Newbie

Hi, my name is Nerdy Bud and I’m, well, I’m a nerd. I’m the newbie over here at Bloomin’ Babies, in more ways than one. Let me explain:

This is my first cycle TTC. Yes, I’m brand new. I’ve ordered TCOYF but it hasn’t come in yet (that pesky holiday shipping schedule, you know). I haven’t even started charting. (I know I need to!) All we’ve started is the fun part…you know… the fun part… :)

Let me tell you a little about myself and how we got to this point...

I met my wonderful husband, Mr. Nerdy Bud, almost three years ago. He was still in college (he’s older than me, but just took longer to graduate!) and I was working for the local newspaper. Our first date was to the movies. Do you know what that nerd took me to see? 300. Yes, the campy graphic novel-inspired movie about half-naked Spartan men. Talk about romantic. :)

Since then, I’ve seen about a million campy, nerdy movies. But I still love my nerd! I even play along with his nerdy tendencies at times:

This is us, Mr. and Mrs. Nerdy Bud. Yes, we’re wearing Transformers masks.

We’ve been married for just under a year. We had no plans to start TTC right away and decided it would be best to settle in for a bit and get our heads on straight.

But, the baby bug bit me earlier this summer. Both of my siblings have young children (my niece, River, is one and my nephew, Hyrum, was born in September) and I want our children to grow up with their cousins.

This is River, my niece. Don’t you want one of those? I do!

Plus, we’re at that age where everyone we know is starting to get married and have babies. I wanted to be that couple, too!

Mr. Nerdy Bud was very reluctant to start TTC. Sometimes, he’s like a big kid and he told me once that it was hard to see himself responsible for another human being. But, after talking it through (and a little persuading on my part…) he agreed to start trying.

So, here we are! I’m trying my best not to scare him with all of the talk of fertility and ovulating and just have fun with it. I know that’s what he needs.

But what do I need? I need to be able to talk to other girls about my fears, my worries and what’s going on with my body. That’s where you come in. I’m going to need advice, support and sometimes, a shoulder to cry on. I’ll be here for you, too.

So thanks for listening to my story. I’m so excited to begin this journey and I can’t wait to see where we end up!