I went and bought 2 boxes of PTs, CB digital and FR, and decided to POAS (a FR to start). Result? BFN. Disappointed? Yes. Surprised? No. I had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy... And really, we didn't actively try this month, so I am not completely upset... we only BDed once around my supposed "O" date, and I haven't used any OPKs or anything either. It is what it is. I guess we'll wait and see when AF decides to show up (hopefully soon if she's meant to) and I will just need to start trying harder.
Honestly, I don't want to become obsessed with the whole TTC idea... I wish it required no thought or worry on my behalf... But it does. I would've been 17 weeks, give or take, this week, and it just sucks that I keep thinking about it. And what's worse, when having dinner with my cousins the other evening, I come to find out that my cousin's sister in law is pregnant and due 2 days before I was... Not to mention she's having a girl. I wanted to run into the front yard, dig a hole, and burry myself.
I don't want to become all bitter and mental, and I still think I'm far from that, but I guess we'll see what happens after we actively try!! Here's hoping...
To my fellow expectant Buds... I am very happy to read about all your successes... You all keep reminding me what this is all about :)
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I wish I would have blogged while TTC. I think it would have helped me get some of the mental feelings out. My son died when he was a little over a month old. When I finally decided I would try to have a baby again because I was so lost without being a mother it was a long, hard and mentally straining journey. I had to watch my friend's baby grow who was born a few days after my son. My BFF got pregnant with a boy while I was TTC again. I felt like everyone was rubbing in the fact that my son was gone and I wasn't a mother. I don't have any fertility issues so I can't relate with you there and I am sorry you have to deal with that. I can't even imagine. I got pregnant again the month we tried the least. Now I am a crazy woman who has to deal with the loss of a child with crazy hormones. I hope you get your baby soon. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your post! I am practically in tears... No one should have to go through what you went through :( But I am sure there is a plan for you, and all of us. We all need to stay strong. Thanks again!!!
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