Well that sucked.

My wonderful AF is here. She blows and sucks. My boobs hurt like hell and I'm cramping. Niiice. Well looks like its on to cycle # 6 and I had a huge let breakdown last night. It sucks. Its ONLY cycle 6 for goodness sake. I guess why I get so worried is because I always hear of the "Oh I got KU on my first cycle, oh it was an accident, oh yeah we weren't even trying". You know what? You suck. Seriously though I am happy for them. I'm happy that they never had to go through this crap.

Honestly in my head I thought TTC would be all fun and games. I never understood how hard it could and can be. Its depressing but at the same time.. I can't give up. It just sucks. It blows because this is the one thing I can't seem to fix.

You know in high school if you want good grades, you study, you get good grades. You want to be a better athlete , you work out, you become a better athlete. You want a baby, you have sex during your fertile time, you have.. wait no that doesn't work for me. It sucks.

Yesterday I hated my body. I just wished it worked right. I wish I didn't spot. I wish I had a longer LP .. Granted I know its okay but I want a good one. I just want more than 10 days and no red. Thats all. Is that too much to ask for? Obviously.

Today, I love my body. I can't sit and be sorry for myself. I'm going to fix this. Today I'm calling my doctor and asking to be put on something. I know my body better than anybody else and I know this isn't normal. Spotting 3-4 days before my period isn't normal and my LPS are getting shorter instead of longer.

Now on to the good news. 5 more freaking days until I am on a cruise sipping.. lets see wine, vodka water, beer, margaritas.. really anything. Could I do that pregnant.. UM NO! So hell yeah! This is a dream come true for Mr. OB and me. And I can't believe we are so close to being on a vacation of a lifetime.

Wouldn't it be awesome if I could tell everyone he knocked me up in international water? HA! Or even on the balcony of a cruise ship after a scandalous night of drinking? HAHA! Wouldn't that be nice.

Maybe this will be the place of conception.

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