Bloomin' Babies

CD26

2012-01-30T17:36:00.005-07:00

Hey ladies, nothing new to report with me. I'm currently in my 2 week wait. Day 6 to be exact. We only did the BD the day before ovulation occurred. Don't ask me why......We actually haven't even done the baby dance too much this month anyways. Just one of those months I suppose. Expectations are still 50/50 for the cycle. As always....
Here's my chart.

I finally got my CBE Fertility Monitor in the mail. I'm excited to start using it. But the directions seem really complicated.....sigh.

In the meantime, my mind is staying occupied with our laundry room renovation. New paint, new cabinets, and new ceramic tile. Woot Woot! I just hope we get done ASAP.....everything that was in that room is now in my kitchen (including deep freezer and washer & dryer.)

I went to my family doctor last week for my yearly physical. I had her test my free testosterone and a few other things. I hear that can be related to acne. Which by the way has been absolutely terrible the past 3-4 months. I have no idea why.....it just keeps getting worse and worse. I have even resorted to using Oxy 10, which is 10% Benzoyl Peroxide. It doesn't even phase it. Just dries my skin out super super bad. I never even had this problem in H.S., so WTH?!! I should hear back from her within a couple of days.

Anywho, hope everyone is doing as well as expected. I know personally, I'm so tired of being without baby. Let me re-phrase that, I'm sad. To the core, completely, totally, absolutely, ridiculously sad. Will things ever change :(

Baby Name Survey

2012-01-27T19:51:00.007-07:00

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20 Week Ultrasound Picture

2012-01-27T12:17:00.008-07:00

Dotted crosshairs?

2012-01-27T08:50:00.001-07:00

Today is CD15, and I have already seen dotted crosshairs twice this cycle, due to my temps.

Actually, since I enter my temp first and then enter CMEFM result after, it goes from being solid crosshairs to dotted crosshairs. In case you don't know, dotted crosshairs mean that FF has conflicting data for the cycle, and is not sure about whether you are Oing or not. Personally, I do not think that O had happened yet - even though BD was timed perfectly, and that would've been awesome. :) it's also kind of weird, considering my visit to Our Lady of Milk on Tuesday, and my experience there.

Thankfully, I am using both a BBT and a CBEFM to track my Fertility, because I have a feeling that in my last cycle, we missed O because of a false crosshair. Thanks to my PCOS, the OPK wasn't able to accurately detect my O because of a constantly high LH level. CBEFM measures both LH and Estrogen, so it might be better. As you can see, I haven't had any "high" days yet... Which seems about right, since I usually O pretty late due to my long cycles.

Since we've been dealing with some pretty major home renovations and such, we decided to wait at least one more cycle (this cycle) before calling upon the IF Clinic. I figured that with everything getting pushed around and all the stuff we still have to do, it would be hard to juggle all the appointments and such. If this cycle is not successful, though, we will go see them towards the middle/end of February.

Either way... I feel like 2012 will be the year! I can just feel it :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

21 Weeks

2012-01-25T21:04:00.002-07:00

Not too much is new this week. I didn't have any bad pregnancy symptoms and feel great. I can feel the baby moving a lot at night usually. I gained another pound this week which puts me at 11 lbs over my pre pregnancy weight. I worked really hard to eat more this week since not eating enough for a couple of days the last week left me sick for the rest of that week.

Mr. Lucky Bud bought me a Doppler Fetal Monitor online today, so I should have it in a few days. It will be comforting to be able to hear our baby when ever we want to instead of waiting for my appointments with my midwife.

Our donors canceled our meeting last weekend due to snow, and we have rescheduled for Feb. 11th.

21 Weeks

11 weeks...

2012-01-25T19:01:00.002-07:00

Ok so not much to report. I've listened to Skittle's heart beat a few more times since my last past. Happily it's been staying 168-172. It just makes my heart sing everytime I hear it and makes me all the more anxious to meet this little person.

The constipation has improved greatly. I've begun taking my magnesium, stool softeners and prenatal vitamin in the morning with breakfast so taking them on a daily basis has helped. I'm not eating the prunes like I should because I think they get nastier every time I have to eat them. Yuck!

I stepped on the scale this morning and I up a total of 5 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight. A shame compared to Lucky's 20lbs at 20 weeks. =o/ Oh well. I'm not going crazy with my eating but am eating more frequently. Still mostly carbs, which I'm sure is where the weight gain has come from but I don't do well with heavy foods so I stick to things like Cheeze-Its, Goldfish, crackers, etc.

A lot of my girls say that I'm showing already and although my scrub pants are getting uncomfortable I can't really tell an obvious difference. My belly looks bigger and "rounder" so to speak but just not like the other bumps I've seen. I plan on getting a couple pairs of bigger scrubs in the very near future though and maybe some tops. My jeans are fine (I've been using a hairbow to keep them fastened; the belly band doesn't work well for me).

The nausea has calmed down quite a bit even since my last post. The headaches still get me down sometimes though. And my energy level has lagged dramatically. I mean cleaning the house? Puh-leaze! Thank goodness for a kind and supportive husband who has been a HUGE helped with laundry, dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, etc. Thanks Mr. CB! =o) I've also discovered that my new bedtime according to my body is around 8:30-9pm. Too bad I can't listen to it. Mr. CB works 3rd shift and I wake him up and get him ready for work. Plus that's an extra 15-20 minutes a day that I can spend with him (we only get to see each other for about an hour everyday due to work schedules).

Okie dokie, looking at the computer is bothering my head so I'm going to sign off for now.

A Religious Experience

2012-01-24T23:04:00.001-07:00

I want to start this post by saying that this post reflects my personal beliefs, and I am in no way attempting to force my religious beliefs on anyone. I totally and completely respect other religions and the choice to practice what we believe. :)

With that said, today, I had an experience. Mr. DBud and I were in St. Augustine, Florida celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. It's an awesomely quaint city, jam-packed with History and charm, so we figured it would be nice to visit, and spend a couple of days taking in the sites, and doing a little relaxing. We had been to the city before, but it had been a while, so we decided to head that way and see a few different things we hadn't seen before (such as the San Sebastian Winery where they offer a FREE wine tasting - very nice). All in all, the trip was great :)

In a previous post (don't remember exactly which - it's been a while), I mentioned a location in St. Augustine known as the Sacred Shine of Nuestra Señora de la Leche (Our Lady of Milk) dedicated to Mothers, women wishing to become mothers, and women seeking a smooth labor. I had been to this site before, and always thought it was peaceful and beautiful - but, obviously, I wasn't interested in any of the things it stood for (not at that point in my life). Well, being that we haven't had a lot of "luck" in that department, I was pretty adamant about visiting the shrine, and praying to the Virgin. I have always been a spiritual/religious person, growing up in the Catholic faith, and I believe in everything it stands for, so I figured it was important for us to visit the Chapel.

Photo credit: Me :) Taken with the iPhone Hipstamatic App

Mr. DBud and I quietly walked in, and had a seat on one of the benches in the tiny chapel, but not before picking up a free rosary (sometimes, they are donated and are left out for visitors). I whipped out my iPhone and pulled up the following Prayer, which I meditated with...

Photo credit, and more info: http://www.missionandshrine.org/la_leche.htm

Then, we just sat quietly, and I just prayed... I prayed that God would grant me the blessing of being a Mother, and that I could know what it's like to have a child of my own. I vowed to bring the child to the location, and raise the child to walk in his footsteps, as I did. As I prayed, the bells on the grounds started to play... And I felt all this emotion grow inside me. I couldn't help it... I started to cry. Mr. DBud had his arm around me, and he kissed my forehead. When he noticed I was weeping, he hugged me tighter, and just sat with me. After a few minutes, I whispered, "Let's go" and we exited the Chapel. When we got out, I carefully wiped my tears as I wept some more. I had all this emotion stirring inside me, and I honestly could not control it. We walked a little in silence, until I calmed down a bit, and we started talking about all the little squirrels that roamed the grounds. We didn't have to utter a word about what happened... He knew how I felt. After walking a bit, we visited the gift shop where I purchased a Prayer card with a prayer for those wishing to become mothers, as well as a rosary bracelet which I put on in the car.

Now, I guess we'll see. I have continued temping and using my CBEFM, even while on vacation, and haven't had anything major show up... But so far, so good, I guess. Just lots of ups and downs. I just hope I can see an O this month... For now, this is what my current chart looks like:

One thing is for sure... I am very lucky to have Mr. DBud... He's my Wonderwall.

Continuing to stay positive :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Up and down...

2012-01-23T05:52:00.002-07:00

Well, I'm currently on CD11 (10 as far as my CBEFM is concerned), and my temps are rising and dropping like crazy! I know it's too early in the cycle and that later on when we look at the big picture things will make more sense... But it's just weird, you know?

Anyway, here's a screen shot of my chart as it currently stands:

In the past, O has happened around CD 18, so we have a few days to go. I am curious to see what the CBEFM says... This is my first time using it, but hopefully it'll be able to help me :) Maybe this will be the month. Ironically, last year around this exact week was when I got KU, so it would be weird if it happened again in the same exact month (last time, it happened our Anniversary weekend, which is now, so it may happen a week later this time). We'll see what happens!!! Staying positive :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

CD18......Really?!

2012-01-22T18:42:00.004-07:00

Well my oh my, guess whose little egg should be dropping in the next 24-48 hours? Mine! Mine! Good grief! This cycle has just been ridiculous! All kinds of thoughts/fears have been running through my head.

I usually ovulate between CD12-CD14. Here I am CD18 and I FINALLY get a positive OPK. I have been testing 3X a day since CD9. Good thing I buy my OPK's off Ebay super cheap. Like I've said the past few posts, I'm thinking the leaking sewer gases I was exposed to could of been the reason for out-of-the-ordinary cycle. That or work stress has finally caught up with me.
I've read online that ovulating too late in your cycle can cause a reduced chance of conceiving because your eggs might not be in sync with the lining of your uterus or the eggs could be old, or yada yada yada. Either way, I won't have too high of expectations by the time the end of this cycle rolls around. It's just not been a good month.

Anyways, I'm SOOOOO excited to share that Mr.Buckeye Bud bought be a ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor. For those who dont know what it does..............
It measures your estrogen (which rises prior to ovulation) and it measures your LH. Because I'm such a tight wod with money, I did a lot of research to find it at the cheapest place. Which was Wal-Mart's website. $180 got us the monitor and a pack of 30 strips.

Does anyone have one? And if so, how do you like it thus far? Has anyone conceived using this technology?

Back on track!

2012-01-22T12:19:00.005-07:00

Aunt Flo arrived this morning!

I started experiencing some cramping yesterday. I didn't want to get too excited since my body is notorious for playing tricks. However when the cramping continued, I knew AF was about to make her grand appearance. I was SO excited when I saw a small amount of red on the toilet paper late yesterday afternoon. I was never able to miscarry on my own, and it was beginning to look like I would need Provera to help me get my first period after the d & c. It is such a relief knowing my body is getting back to normal.

And to think- I was prepared to have bloodwork done tomorrow in order to have my RE prescribe me Provera so that we could move on toward the FET. It just proves that I need to be more patient. Everything is in His hands. I'm going to stop doubting that everything will work out. He is in control.

Mr. Bossy and I are one step closer. I can feel it in my bones!!

Bossy Bud

Hormones Are Great

2012-01-20T08:06:00.005-07:00

Credit

I can't say enough about how great I am feeling the past two days. The first day after getting the pellets in I felt super weird, my equilibrium felt off and was a bit nauseous. Thursday morning, I woke up before my alarm at 6:00 am and was ready to go for the day. I didn't have the usual tiredness starting around 2 in the afternoon and wasn't starving during that time either. Last night I was actually alert and not fighting falling asleep by 10 pm while hanging out with some friends, usually I am nodding off while people are talking to me!! With going to bed around midnight I was still awake and energized getting up at 6:00 am again. I packed Mr. Explorer Bud and I's suitcase for our little weekend trip down to visit his Grandpa, got ready for the day, actually remembered to bring stuff to work and was off to work on time. Maybe it is the placebo effect but I am loving it either way.

20 Weeks

2012-01-19T21:15:00.003-07:00

Yesterday we had our 20 week ultrasound. Mr Lucky Bud came with me and we dropped off the kids at his sisters house. I was pretty anxious, nervous and excited to be able to have the ultrasound. It was a bummer that the technician would not turn the screen until all of her measurements were done. I had to wait for about a half hour of Mr Lucky Bud saying, "oh, that is so awesome!" before I got to see what was going on too. She was moving around like crazy. I could even see her mouth opening and closing, and it looked like she was swallowing. The technical said that it looks like our baby is 11 ounces. We should get the results of the ultrasound tomorrow, so hopefully there will be nothing to report.

I can't believe I am halfway through my pregnancy all ready! Before 20 weeks, the baby is measured from head to rump, but after 20 weeks it is head to heel..so at 20 weeks it is 10 inches long, head to heel. I was holding up a ruler to show Mr. Lucky Bud today, and I can't believe how big she is!

I had been doing great week 19 symptom wise, but was also very careful that week about eating enough and getting lots of protein. I got kind of caught up with some projects early on in the week and did not take as much care and did not get enough protein, and I went back to feeling awful. I have been working hard to focus again on my diet, but it is still taking some time to feel good again. I am showing a little more than I was a couple weeks ago, and have gained more weight, so I am a total of 10 lbs over what I normally am and that is great!

I can feel the baby moving all the time now. Especially because during the ultrasound I was able to see when she was moving and to associate it to how it felt, so now I can tell the difference a lot better between kicks and my stomach growling, or air bubbles. She moves so much now, but it is not uncomfortable because there is plenty of space in their. If she keeps up all the action though, it is going to be hard to sleep at night as she gets bigger and there is less space!

Over all, this is a very fun and exciting time. I am feeling pretty good, I am not big and uncomfortable yet, I have had the great reassurance of getting to see my baby on the ultrasound, we know that it is a girl, we are meeting the donors this weekend, so things are great right now!

...still hoping to have an ultrasound pic up soon. I need to have it scanned at Mr Lucky Buds work.

20 Weeks

BTW, Just an interesting fact: My mom did not realize that she was pregnant with her 6th and final child until she was 20 weeks and could feel that baby moving. That is crazy! She is lucky though. It must have been a fast pregnancy!

CD14

2012-01-18T19:52:00.003-07:00

Well, here I am on CD14 and I have yet to get a positive OPK. All cycles prior to this over the past year I would have gotten a positive by now. My suspicions are that the leaking sewer gas we discovered in our house might have something to do with it. You can see on CD7 how elevated my temperature was. That was the day I felt the worst effects. Severe headache, dizziness, and fatigue.

My temps finally went back down after it was fixed and I am feeling so much better. I really hope I Ovulate soon. I did have a bit of Creamy CM on CD12 which usually comes before I O. But I have no evidence it happened or that it will happen in the next 48 hours :(

My bad...

2012-01-18T19:27:00.004-07:00

Buds I am SO sorry I haven't posted in a while! I really have no excuse...

Here's what's been going on lately:

I'm still nauseated most evenings/nights. It has improved greatly in the past few weeks but it still hits me pretty hard sometimes (right now I have a pretty horrendous headache). The only thing worse than the nausea thus far is the constipation. It's always been an issue for me (sorry for the TMI) but with the progesterone it has worsened considerably. I've been drinking apple juice, prune juice, eating prunes daily and taking stool softeners and magnesium EVERYDAY and I'm lucky to "go" every 4-7days. As you all know, there really isn't anything that can be done for this so I'm just trying to eat right and drink lots of water. I got my fetal doppler a couple days ago! Of course, I wasn't expecting to hear anything since I'm so early but I took it to my mom's house last night and she found it! 175 and going strong! ~And at just under 10weeks at that! It was fantastic and I plan to try to find it every single day so that I can hear it. =o) I moved up my next ultrasound because my brother leaves for bootcamp at the end of this month > it's now Jan 30th. So I will definitely be posting a pic of that. Umm...I'm still not showing, which is okay. I'm not skinny by any means but I have lost a considerable amount of weight in the past few years or so (65lbs) so I know the loose skin will keep me from showing like my skinny friends. But I don't care. Give me a healthy baby and I'm happy.

Alright Buds, I'm off for now but I promise to do better at my posting! Much love...

Pellets Are In

2012-01-18T16:22:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I went to the Dr. to get the bio-identical hormone pellets put in my side. I had my mom come with since Mr. Explorer Bud was in class, so that way I would have someone to remind me what the Dr. said. I really enjoy the nurses there, they are all so nice and say the right things instead of stupid things. I met with the Dr. first and he went over what he was going to do, how to care for the incision while it is healing, the symptoms that I will see relief from and answer any questions. Then off we went to an exam room to have him cut open my side. Originally he was going to put the pellets in my hip area but then asked if I would rather have it in my butt and I chose the butt because it is fatter and probably would be less annoying. He numbed me right up and then made about a 2 inch incision and put the two pellets of Testosterone and Estrogen into the incision and closed it up. He also gave me a shot of amino-acids that have shown to help your liver process the fat in your body to aide in weight loss. I have to come in weekly to do the shots so I figure I will give it a month and see if it helps at all. Then he gave me an adjustment that was just what I was needing. Seriously he is a one stop shop there. My bum is a bit sore from putting in the pellets but it will be healed soon and I am hoping to feel like a new woman soon.
This morning I noticed I was able to wake up better and have been more alert throughout the day which has been nice. I did feel a little like my equilibrium was off this morning and a little nausea this afternoon before I ate lunch. I am hoping the energy level continues to rise and feeling sick goes away!!

When it rains....

2012-01-18T14:25:00.003-07:00

It pours! [Ironically, it's raining in Central Florida this very moment.]

Still no period. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

Good news- I'll have to take a blood test to rule out a pregnancy in order for my RE to prescribe me Provera. I can have my blood drawn locally and do not have to drive an hour just to give blood! It's looking like I'll be doing this on Monday.

Bad news- I'll have to take Provera for 10 days. It then can take up to 7-10 days after my last pill for my period to arrive. I still have to get one more period after that for my RE to allow to do a FET. So much for starting in February. Bummer.

To help make matters worse. Mr. Bossy is being laid off at the end of the month. His company told him over a year ago that they were phasing out his department. There was a chance he could interview for a different position in a different department. He's since gone on three interviews and hasn't received a job offer. His last day will be the last day of this month.

We have a Plan B. He originally started as a temp with this company. After a few months, he was offered a permanent position. The company is currently going through some budget cuts and would prefer to not have to pay benefits on so many employees. Instead, they'd like to hire more temps. Mr. Bossy is hoping to return to the company as a temp and then squeeze back through the company's doors.

We're scared beyond belief. If he has to be unemployed for a month or two, we'll survive financially (it will be tight, though). I'm torn about doing our FET. Since AF hasn't arrived yet, it's looking like we won't be able to begin until March at the earliest. The FET is already paid for since we went through the Attain Program, but I'm still concerned.

Do we still go through with the FET even if Mr. Bossy doesn't have a permanent position? We're not getting any younger and quite frankly, I'm tired of waiting around. Mr. Bossy wanst to proceed, and my heart is saying the same. My stupid head is the one I'm arguing with.

Bossy Bud

It's a......

2012-01-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

GIRL!!! I will try to post an ultrasound picture soon!

Working with a clean slate

2012-01-17T06:50:00.001-07:00

With the arrival of AF came a lot of positive things... Mainly, the chance at a new cycle. I have started temping today, and my CBEFM is already on day 4. I should be asked to POAS on Thursday, day 6, and of course, we'll go from there. Here's what my current chart looks like:

No big deal, but maybe (hopefully) it will be :)

I finally got my results from OB. All clear, aside from high LH levels. Time to call an RE and get this baby making show on the road... I've had enough with this stupid PCOS.

Positive vibes to all :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Hormone Blood Work In

2012-01-13T16:18:00.003-07:00

I finally got a call back about my hormone levels and it looks like I am way low on my total Testosterone (26 ng/dl), Free Testosterone (0.2 pg/mL) and Estradiol (24.7 pg/mL). Being so low in the Testosterone can explain many of my symptoms of being tired, spacey, low sex drive, dry skin, weight gain, etc, etc, etc!! My other hormones seem to be in good order. FSH (5.8 MIU/mL), Prolactin (10.5 ng/mL), TSH (2.01 uIU/mL), T4 (1.09 ng/dL), Triiodothyronine Free (4.0 pg/mL). My Sex Hormone Binding Globulin was high (165.6 nmol/L).

So I will go in and get the pellet inserted in my side Tuesday at 9:45 in the morning!! I am excited to start feeling better. I hope this works in getting me balanced and preparing my body to have a successful IVF in the summer.

Starting fresh

2012-01-13T11:32:00.001-07:00

AF finally decided to arrive!! Actually... She just did. I had a feeling she would, when last night I got a tinge of brownish spotting. Now, I can start using my CBEFM and see what happens with this cycle. I have a feeling (seeing how my chart turned out) that we totally missed the O this month. Like, totally. We actually haven't even BD in like 3 weeks or more. We have been busy, tired, sick, etc. but we may have had another shot this month if we would've kept at it. Oh well :-/

It's great that AF showed up now, since Mr. DBud and I are getting ready to celebrate our anniversary, and we'll probably want to get busy during out mini-romantic getaway ;)

I REALLY hope the CBEFM can more accurately pinpoint the O... Honestly, I should've known better. Especially since my temps went up even higher when I started temping again. Maybe the CBEFM will do better than the OPKs. I guess we shall see!!! :)

Feeling optimistic again. 2012 is the year... I can feel it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Funny But Not Really

2012-01-12T16:37:00.004-07:00

So earlier in the week I posted that I hadn't been feeling to well this week. My temp has been elevated, I've had severe dizziness, terrible headaches, extreme fatigue, and have felt down right lethargic. It has NOT been fun.

For the past couple of months every time I would go to the bathroom I would smell a TERRIBLE smell. I thought it was 1 of 2 things.
1) I close the lid every time I flush so no nasty poo particles don't fly in the air to find my toothbrush. So I thought maybe that is what was causing a strange odor in the toilet bowl. Maybe the funk was just attaching to the lid or whatever and building up causing the disgusting stench.

OR

2) My vajayjay was creating some disturbing odor that needed to be addressed by a trained medical professional.....ASAP. I mean it was FUNKY. Like some nasty girl with rotten cooty funky. I know......sounds digusting. But I promise I shower every single day. I was really starting to get paranoid!

Well, come to find out................our toilet is leaking sewer gasses! Praise the lord my cooty don't stink! Mr. Buckeye Bud and I have been in the process of flipping an old farm house for the past 5 years. We relocated the bathroom but he never completely did everything he needed to do with it. So the toilet hasn't been sealed properly for FIVE YEARS!

Can you believe that? He is fixing it as we speak so I pray these symptoms go away ASAP. Just thought I would share this because I find it incredibly disgusting and dangerous! Oh, also entertaining in the fact that I actually thought that was my body producing that funk!

19 Weeks

2012-01-11T20:14:00.001-07:00

It is incredible how fast time is starting to fly by. In the beginning time seemed to move so slow as there were so many small landmarks I was waiting for such as my first beta, second beta, 6 week ultrasound, 9 week ultrasound, and getting off my terrible progesterone shots. I was also nauseated and puking most days and in pain from my shots.

Now I am feeling much better and am not so stressed and concerned as I was in the beginning so the time is starting to fly by. I felt so great this last week, and did not have any pregnancy symptoms at all.

This week our baby should be around 8.5 ounces and 6 inches from head to rump and it's brain is developing specialized areas for smell taste, hearing, vision and touch.

I have my 20 week ultrasound one week from today!

Old, New, Same

2012-01-11T18:52:00.003-07:00

Well, still hanging in there. This pregnancy is going well...as far as I can tell. I am 9 weeks today. Here's some of what I've been experiencing thus far.

My appetite has increased but hasn't gone haywire. I have noticed that I'm hungry every 2-3 hours, which is something I haven't experienced before. My mood swings don't seem to be as "severe" as they have been in my past pregnancies. The fatigue isn't as bad either. So far I've gained 2lbs (the first pregnancy I gained 10; the second, none before the MC). A LOT of nausea. I've been using these things called Sea-Bands to help; surprising they've been doing a fantastic job! Also, a lot of reflux...I've had to go to sleep sitting up for about a week now. And, my boobs are killing me! That's new for me too. Yeesh.

Still taking the progesterone suppositories. Not excited about those things but naturally I will continue to take them. At my 8 week appointment (sometime last week, I can't remember what day) the NP told me that I can stop them around 12-13 weeks. That, I'm excited about. Hehe.

My next ultrasound is scheduled for Feb 10th. I'll be about 13weeks and some change. I didn't want to wait that long, but that's during the window when some first trimester screenings can be done. So to keep me sane, I've bought a fetal doppler (I found what looks like a pretty decent doppler for about $120. A small price to pay for some peace of mind). Who knows if I'll be able to detect the heartbeat but I'm excited about trying. I really hope I can, though. That would save me a lot of worry in the next 5 five weeks.

Same Old Thing.....

2012-01-11T12:47:00.006-07:00

Well nothing new to report on. Aunt Flo came and went. I am currently on CD7. My temp has been going up the past few days though. But I think I am getting sick and my house has been crazy hot the past couple of days. All day today I've had a headache and have been super dizzy. I dont wanna get sick! grrrrr. My chart could look like I O'd on CD4 orCD5 but that just can't be right because AF was still in town. So I'm just dismissing that bologna.

I'm gonna start my OPK's when I get home from work tonight. My plan is to do the BD once I get a positive OPK and do it for atleast 4 days after that. I would think I would be covered with that. And if I don't get KU this month I'm sending Mr.Buckeye Bud for some "analysis."

Okay, that's all I have for now. Hope everyone is doing well! Peace and hair grease!

To Lose a Few

2012-01-11T09:27:00.003-07:00

Monday Mr. Explorer Bud and I have officially started eating Paleo again which has been nice so far. It is always rough to have to start making everything from scratch but I am already feeling a bit better. After bingeing on sugar over the holidays my body is ready to not eat sugar for a while. My face is starting to clear up as well which is nice to see!! Mr. Explorer Bud really wants to lose the extra pounds he has put on since we have been married but has trouble sticking to eating plans so I committed to packing him lunches so he can be successful and do this with me. Next week we will start going to the gym, blah!!

:-/

2012-01-10T06:08:00.002-07:00

I wish I could just know what is going on with this cycle of mine. It is currently CD68, with no sign of AF, not even in the distance. My temps have stayed relatively high the last week, and my boobs have been killing me! They are slightly better today, but they've been so bad I haven't even wanted Mr. DBud to touch them (and he is always trying to cop a feel). The whole breast has had this tender feeling, while my nipple hurts a bit more. Strange :-/ here's what my current chart looks like (I'm going to have to link it to my profile on the sidebar to make this easier).

I also had a wicked appetite yesterday. I had black beans and rice with steak and some avocado for dinner (what can I say... I'm Cuban) and a bite size piece of Cheesecake my student's mom made for me. That was at almost 8pm. At midnight, I was starving! I went to bed without eating anything, cause it was too late and I was already laying down... But still.No results from the Dr. yet. Going to call today and see if I can get some answers. They said that no matter what the results turned out to be, they would contact me about them. The Dr. also said if it was something out of the ordinary, she would call me and set up an appointment. But the communication from there office the past three weeks has been... Zilch. Let's see what happens. Will update when I have "answers".

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

18 Weeks

2012-01-08T19:17:00.004-07:00

This last week flew by! Mr Lucky Bud took off Thursday to Monday New Years weekend, so it was great to be all together for a long weekend. I normally post on Thursdays, but was waiting to post until I had a photo, and I finally took one today.

I finally have not only gained back the lbs that I lost with always being sick in my first trimester, but also gained 3 lbs. Yeah! I worry about getting enough nutritian and also gaining weight for the baby so I am happy to see a change in my weight. I am starting to show little by little, but not that much.

Our embryo donors contacted our social worker to see if we could meet in two weeks! This is great news for us as we know very little about them and was hoping that they would be open to a semi open situation. I am a little nervous but excited at the same time. I set up my ultrasound for Wednesday, January 18th and am looking forward to that.

Mr Lucky Bud finished doing all of the work to install a washer and dryer on the upstairs floor of our townhouse, and they arrived yesterday! I did my first load upstairs today. This is going to make life so much easier! Yeah!

Our baby is now about 5.5 inches crown to rump, and 7 ounces. I am still VERY hungry lately. That is basically all there is to report this week.

18 weeks, 4 days

Little Lucky Bud colored Lucky Tummy Baby

Here's the plan, Stan!

2012-01-08T14:31:00.003-07:00

Mr. Bossy took off this past Wednesday, and we returned to our RE.

First off, I have to say that we have the BEST RE in the world. She is so kind and really takes an interest in Mr. Bossy & me. She sat down with us and explained that we would be transferring two embryos for our FET. The embryologist will decide on the two that we'll transfer. At first, I was annoyed by this. I like to have a say in major decisions, and I was a little ticked that we wouldn't get to decide. My RE explained that the embryologist knows best and will be able to make the best decision as to which two will hopefully (fingers crossed) attach.

She also explained how much easier a FET will be on my body. She's having me take estrogen and progesterone. That's it. She had previously mentioned that I would take 4 nights of the progesterone in oil shots, then switch me to the suppositories. I had a mental note to ask if I could just stay with the shots. I'd prefer them since they are over with so quickly, and I've heard the suppositories are really messy. Imagine my surprise when (before I could even mention it) she asked if I would like to take the PIO shots only. Without hesitation, I agreed! She actually prefers her patients to continue with the shots but also knows how painful they are, so she doesn't require it. She was pleased that I would prefer to keep taking them.

Mr. Bossy really surprised me when he spoke up and asked if there is anything he needs to do to help us. My RE told him that he'd already done everything and to just relax. Regardless, I thought it was really sweet of him to see what he could do to help our chances.

Now for the frustrating part- Aunt Flo still hasn't arrived. When I mentioned it to our RE, she acted like it was normal. The plan is for Aunt Flow to arrive. Then, we'll get started on the next cycle. I'm so anxious! Our RE said that it is not safe for us to try and conceive on our own this cycle. She went on to explain that 40% of couples that use fertility treatments are able to conceive on their own afterward. She gave us the "all clear" to try naturally the cycle after AF arrives.

In the midst of all of this, we've had two more pregnancy announcements amongst our friends. Does it ever get easier to hear them? ::sigh::

Bossy Bud

AF's Vacation

2012-01-07T19:13:00.001-07:00

I am NOT happy to report that AF has, still, not arrived. I am on CD65 with no BFP and no AF. My boobs have been KILLING ME the last few days (they are super tender and my nipples hurt). I STILL haven't gotten my lab results from the OB/GYN, therefore I am planning on calling them on Tuesday, which will mark three weeks since my appointment (15 business days). They told me it should take about 10, and I overestimated a bit due to the holidays... But enough is enough. Can you tell I am ready for a new Doc?! I haven't filled the prescription for the AF-forcing meds, since I am waiting for my results first. We'll see how this all pans out.My CBEFM arrived today. I have been very busy, packing up some stuff (and getting rid of lots of stuff) to do a home renovation project, so I didn't want to pull it out and then not have time to peruse the contents of the box. I am excited about using it, and hope that it will shed some more light on my situation. I would be interested in finding out about my fellow buds, as well as the readers', experiences with the CBEFM. Please share :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

New year, same cycle

2012-01-04T21:39:00.001-07:00

First off, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year :) May 2012 be the year of many sticky babies!I've been a bit MIA lately, caught up in the Holidays, followed by our NYE trip to the Happiest place on Earth (which, by the way, was amazing). I have since resumed my daily routine of waking up early to go to work, and temping as well. This is what my chart looks like now...

No O and no sign of AF, but I've had tender breasts the past couple of days, so that may be a sign that she is approaching (or not). Still, I am hopeful for the future. I am (still) waiting on the results of my blood work and ultrasounds (do you think it's time to find a new OB/GYN?), but when the results are in, I'll probably fill the prescription the Doc gave me to force AF to show. Then, it'll be off to the RE. I took some good advice from a fellow bud and found a CBEFM on eBay. I won the item, and it is now on its way. Hopefully this will work out :) I am curious about how a CDEFM works vs. how OPKs work. I am assuming that (due to the price) the CBEFM is more sensitive - one can hope - but to tell you the truth, I don't know much about them. I guess we'll see :)Anyway, I am trying to stay positive despite other not so positive things surrounding me at the moment - which I won't mention here. I am getting a feeling that 2012 might be "it". While we were in WDW, Mr. DBud and I took a friend on "It's a Small World" (she had never been on it before). We were amazed at how many people have thrown coins in the water! Well, Mr. DBud pulled a coin out of his pocket and tells me, "Here's to changing our luck" as he proceeded to toss it in the water beside our little boat. I felt this joy inside me, and couldn't keep a smile off my face. I think this year will be so much better for us... I can feel it :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A weight lifted...

2012-01-04T17:51:00.003-07:00

I decided to call my OB/GYN yesterday to see if my US could be moved up to this week since that's when they wanted it done anyway. A couple of hours after leaving the message for the nurse, she called and told me that it was scheduled for today at the hospital at 9:15! I was utterly surprised and excited. (My provider at work persuaded me to get my beta checked again because I worrying "too much." To my surprise it was over 188,000! The absolute highest it's ever been.)

Anyway, my mom went with me this morning and this is what we saw...

HAAaaaaaa. A sigh of relief, a few giddy giggles and a high five later the tech measured the heart rate at a strong 170 beats per minute. It was beautiful. And exciting. And exhilarating. And miraculous. To have never gotten this far in a pregnancy and to make it to this milestone...no words.

Thanks Buds for the support and I pray that we all will have Baby Buds in the months to come!

Hormone Replacement Therapy

2012-01-03T14:32:00.004-07:00

So with the New Year, we have a new plan. We are going to Hormone Therapy for the next 4-6 months, I am going to lose the extra weight, get in shape and try another IVF cycle at the end of our hormone treatment cycle. This is something I can do to try and improve our chances and something I have control over so pretty much it will keep me sane, for awhile! :)

I met with the RE today and talked about what Hormone Replacement Therapy ("HRT") could do for my "issues". The RE said that HRT has shown to improve egg quality, help increase insulin sensitivity and balance my hormones to treat my PCOS symptoms, increase my sensitivity to the fertility drugs in future IVF cycles and help me feel better overall. I did appreciate this statement from the RE "You deserve to feel good after all the stuff you have been through". Amen to that!! With treating the PCOS and Hypothyroid symptoms I should be losing this lovely extra 15-20 pounds I am carrying around, have more energy, clearer mind, sleeping better, better sex drive, stronger nails, less dry skin and better muscle tone (I used to have amazing muscle definition before all these problems started).
I had my blood drawn to test my thyroid levels, total and free testosterone, FSH, progesterone, estradiol, and prolactin. My veins are a nurses nightmare because they are by feel only and like to disappear and it seems my left arm is really the only one nurses can find. I had to drink 32 oz of water, eat some crackers and be stuck four times to get enough blood to run the tests. PURE JOY :)
We will wait and see what all my levels are looking like so the RE will know the dosage to give me of hormones. The procedure sounds pretty simple, the RE will make a small incision above my hip and place a pellet of natural testosterone and estrogen mixture that will sit and be absorbed over the next 4-6 months. Every day 14-28 of my cycle I will need to take natural progesterone to make sure my lining is shedding properly. The effects are supposed to be noticeable from 1-4 days of putting in the pellet. If they are not then they may need to add another pellet due to my hormone levels being depleted for so long that they need an extra boost.

After 4 months the RE will test my Testosterone levels to see if they are down to a normal level and if they are we can do another IVF cycle then or we will need to wait till about month 6 when the hormones have completely left my system.

I am going to also start talking with acupuncturists in my area that specialize in infertility to see what they recommend for someone with my problems doing IVF and what they charge.

I am getting tired of the emotional roller coaster and am ready to do all that is available out there. I am not sure how much more I can handle of failures, it is just so depressing and long and stressful and tiring and emotional and, and, and...

The New Years Celebration is Over Rated

2012-01-03T08:31:00.006-07:00

Well, 2012 is a bust already. My temps were rising at one point but now they are decreasing. Aunt Flo is def on her way to see me.

I guess the Femara didn't help me to get KU. I'm so frustrated. After 3 miscarriages and 1 tubal in the past 15 months I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. This is our 3rd month in a row that we were unsuccessful. I never had this problem in the past and here I am having to deal with "infertility" on top of a history of losses. My medical bills are stacking up to the point of disgust. There's no way I could ever afford IVF so I feel like this will never happen for me. I just wanna cry.

-Buckeye Bud

Final Results

2012-01-02T09:10:00.003-07:00

I went in on New Year'e eve morning to have my blood drawn and then ran some errands while I waited for the RE to call. Luckily I managed to be heading to my car when the call came in so I wouldn't be surrounded by people!! My levels dropped to a 2, so I am officially not pregnant. I had a feeling that was the results since I started bleeding the night before. It was brown but a lot more blood than spotting.

I feel kinda numb right now, I am sad but I am not as sad feeling as the past two times. I am not sure why that is but at least I am functioning better. I definitely had the right support group this time around. The first time I told family and a couple close friends, the second we ended up telling a ton of people and I hated getting to tell everyone it didn't work and being asked about it. So this time we only told the people that "got it" and would be the support system that both Mr. Explorer Bud and I needed. With all the ups and downs of this cycle my support group, including my buds, were what kept me sane and positive throughout. Thank you soo much!!!

Whats next? I briefly talked to the RE about doing Hormone Replacement Therapy before trying another cycle so I am going to call and make an appointment this week to really talk about it. I am also going to look into acupuncture to see how much it will really cost us to do as well. I am not sure what else we can change that will make IVF work, there isn't anything else left.

Wherefore art thou, Aunt Flo?

2012-01-01T13:23:00.004-07:00

Happy 2012!!

Mr. Bossy & I rang in the New Year with friends and family last night (and early this morning). We've just returned from my MIL's after eating black-eyed peas and collard greens. Now, sadly, it's time to take down our Christmas decorations.

I'm so excited to begin the New Year off right. My New Year's resolution is to drink less caffeine (sweet tea is my vice) and more water. Day 1 (so far) has been a great success!

Mr. Bossy & I are also excited to say goodbye to 2011 and all of its sad memories. The good news, though, is that we now know what it takes for us to get pregnant! 2012 WILL be our year. I just need Aunt Flow to arrive. My RE told me that it would take 2-4 weeks after my d & c for my period to arrive. Tomorrow will mark 4 weeks, and there is still no sight of her.

I'll return to see my RE on Wednesday, and to say I'm anxious to begin our FET would be an understatement. Fingers crossed that she gives us the "all clear" to try again.

Bossy Bud

Waiting and worrying...

2011-12-31T12:17:00.002-07:00

Today marks 7w 3d of this pregnancy. So far, time seems to be moving at snail's pace. My "confirmation ultrasound" is scheduled for Jan 9th but I plan to call the doc's office on Tuesday to see if it can be moved up (remember, they had originally wanted it this next week). The suspense is killing me. I'm so scared that this baby has stopped growing like my first two.

I'm still having symptoms everyday: nausea, food aversions (chocolate! Can you believe that?), headaches, fatigue, breast tenderness. But a part of me is worried that the same thing has already happened and I'm just feeling these symptoms because I'm still pumping my body full of progesterone. My mom is going to go with me to the next US because poor Mr. CB is too scared. He bout broke my heart a couple of days ago when he said that he feels like he's bad luck. =o( Of course I assured him that he is NOT and that as far as we know, there was nothing we could about the first two MC's. So, bless his heart, he won't know the results until he comes home from work (his job does not allow cell phones on the premises).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc. And I hope that 2012 brings a slew of new babies for all my Bud sisters! =oD

17 weeks

2011-12-30T20:42:00.002-07:00

I am laying here in bed and can feel the baby moving around a lot right now. I have started noticing it moving around at night when everything has calmed down and I am lying still. I am still not really showing. I will have to take a pic next week. My good friend is also pregnant and exactly a month behind me and is showing much more than I am. I am very exited to see a baby bump as well.

This week I have just been thinking about things to prepare for another baby around the house:
Mr. Lucky Bud has been working on installing a washer and dryer in the upstairs of our townhouse. Hurray! He is almost done converting our linen closet into an awesome laundry for me and the washer and dryer will arrive next Saturday!

Baby Lucky Bud, now 1 is an official walker now! He started a little at 10 months, but really started walking over crawling just a week ago, and finally is starting to get it down and is doing a great job! This is exciting because he is a heavy boy, weighing the same as Little Lucky Bud, and I was hoping he would be steady on his feet before I am big.
This week I started thinking about how unorganized the storage room and the closets in the bedrooms were, so I went through EVERYTHING and made a HUGE mess. Now I just need to get it all back into order in the basement and I will be all ready to decorate a room for baby #3.

The biggest change for me this week is that I have been starving! I can't seem to eat often enough, and am too hungry to fall back asleep without a snack anytime I wake up in the night. I have noticed that I need more protein and am making that my big goal for next week.

Until then... Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

17 weeks pregnant.... credit

How Charming!

2011-12-27T14:50:00.006-07:00

My mother-in-law introduced me to quilting a couple of years ago. She made me my first quilt for my 26th birthday, and I fell in love immediately. I grew up watching my mother sew, so I know my way around a sewing machine. But- I never knew how to quilt.

I decided to try my hand at it 2 years ago. I made a simple quilt out of my favorite color, green. For those who are unfamiliar with quilting, a quilt is made by piecing together different fabrics to make a design. The back piece is typically one solid piece of fabric since it isn't shown as much. Both pieces (front & back) are then quilted together on a machine.

When I made my first quilt, I pieced together the top, bought the fabric for the back, and then never had it quilted. Life got in way, and I never made time to find the time.

A year later, my MIL told me about charm quilts. A charm quilt is a quilt that doesn't have any repeating pieces of fabric. It looks very scrappy, and women typically make them out of left over scraps of fabric from other quilts they had made. They are considered to be extremely lucky if you sleep under one. As soon as I heard the word luck, I knew I had to have one. My MIL sent me tons of fabric scraps that she had left over (she could probably open up her own fabric store), and I immediately got to work.

I wanted my quilt to have a certain order to it, and not just be a bunch of various pieces of fabric sewn together. I grouped them into color families, and then decided that I would sew them into cross shapes. I finished piecing the top of the quilt, and then I stopped. I put it away and forgot about it.

Fast forward to November of this year, Mr. Bossy & I were struggling with the news of our little one and holding on to one another for dear life. I remembered my charm quilt. Now, I'm not superstitious at all. I know that sleeping under a quilt is not going to make all of my dreams come true, but sometimes small things help me feel so much better. I called my MIL and asked her if she would quilt my top piece and the back piece together to finish my quilt. Of course, she said she would do it. While we waited though, Mr. Bossy's grandma had a charm quilt we could borrow until mine was finished. I felt better already!

Christmas Day 2011- I'm opening up my gifts at my MIL's house, and this is what I find.

My MIL had my quilt professionally quilted for me as a surprise Christmas gift! I was overwhelmed with gratitude, and Mr. Bossy couldn't wait to get home to put it on our bed! Now, we sleep under our own charm quilt and smile knowing that someday we will get lucky!

Bossy Bud

Crosshairs, out!

2011-12-26T10:22:00.001-07:00

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!!! I was a good girl this year, and got lots of goodies. I am VERY pleased :)

I noticed a good amount of EWCM yesterday and today when wiping after using the restroom, so much so that u decided to record it in my FF app... And with that, the crosshairs were gone.

I have come to the conclusion that I did not O when I thought I did... And that I am, in fact, all over the place this cycle. So now what? I go back to temping and checking my EWCM, and consider my options for OPK (either I keep buying OPK or I invest in a CBEFM). Any thoughts?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Two Week Wait Please Fly By

2011-12-26T09:39:00.005-07:00

So, I am currently on CD19. FF FINALLY gave me a crosshair on Christmas Morning. However it wasn't where I wanted it. Here is what my past week looks like.

12/18- CD11- Did the BD. BFN on OPK.
12/19- CD 12- Did the BD. BFP on OPK
12/20-CD 13- Did the BD. BFP on OPK
12/21-CD 14- BFN on OPK.
12/23-CD 16- Did the BD.
12/25 CD 18- Finally got a cross hair that says I O'd on 12/21 CD14

I'm not sure what I was thinking not doing the BD on 12/21 CD-14. I think that Mr.Buckeye Bud and I were kind of worn out. I think the pressure is getting to us making it a bit difficult to make it thru the BD session. Maybe I just wont tell him next month when I O, so that he isnt under so much pressure :/ CD14 is the day FF says I O'd. If this is the case, I sure hope the squirmies are tough and survived until the egg dropped.

So here I am 5DPO. I've had a lot of sharp pains in what feels like my ovaries or tubes . I don't know what to make of this. Today I feel kind of crampy and bloated. I'm not gonna psych myself up tho. I'm tired of being let down. So if I don't let myself get my hopes up then the smack in the face wont hurt so bad. I know I should remain positive and all that hooplah but I find it impossible at this point. Nothing good has ever come of me being excited and optimistic. Call me Negative Nancy.

I do want to share this site that I found before I forget! It is a database of actual pregnancy symptoms submitted by pregnant women. There are different categories on the left side (i.e. BFP after miscarriage, BFP with PCOS, etc) so be sure to check those out. This site is addicting! However, it might aide in more obsessing during your own TWW.

http://www.twoweekwait.com/

Enjoy!
-Buckeye Bud

Baby Lucky Bud's Adoption Story Part 2

2011-12-24T19:17:00.002-07:00

Cont. from part one...

When we met Alicia she was sweet,welcoming and friendly. She was extremely gracious and so grateful to us for coming. She was about 5 centimeters dilated and was having pretty painful contractions. Although she had considered having a natural childbirth before, she decided to have an epidural. The anesthesiologist had a busy night, and Alicia had to wait about two hours for her epidural. The anesthesiologist had a very difficult time getting the needle through her spine and it took almost an hour of trying. At one point I began to faint. How ridiculous! I saw the needle sticking out with all the blood and I started to go dark...literally. I couldn't see anything and Mr. Lucky Bud helped me sit down on the ground. I was so embarrassed! Here Alicia was the one in the middle of labor, with a needle sticking out of her back, and I was the one fainting!

After Alicia's epidural kicked in she felt much better and we were able to talk and get acquainted. I was glad that she had read my last email where I had laid out some examples of how things could go at the hospital. Alicia chose to have us there with her for all of the labor and for the birth, and then for us to stay at the hospital in a separate room and to care for the baby until he was discharged from the hospital.

The rest of Alicia's labor went very smooth. At about 8 am, Alicia's boyfriend, "Adam" arrived. We met him and he was so kind and gracious also. He thanked us over and over for being there. (we were the one's that were grateful to be there of course, but it was so sweet the way that they were so appreciative of us coming.)We left Alicia and Adam to be alone and went to the cafeteria for breakfast. We were speaking briefly with the wonderful hospital social worker after breakfast, when we were interrupted by the nurse who told us that Alicia was ready to push.

After a very calm half hour of pushing, Baby Lucky Bud was born. He was put on Alicia's stomach for her to hold, and then was cleaned up by the nurses. When they were done, they handed Baby Lucky Bud to me. I wanted so much to hold him, but I was anxious for Adam to be able to hold him first. Mr Lucky Bud and I soon got our chance to hold our new baby. We were filled with so much love for him and were so happy to be parents to another child. It was a very special moment that the four of us shared with the baby, and then Mr Lucky Bud and I were brought to our room with the him.

By then it was about noon, Christmas Eve. Mr Lucky Bud went home and got Little Lucky Bud, and came back later to the hospital to visit us. The rest of the day Alicia, Adam and I spent time bonding and adoring Baby Lucky Bud. Alicia and I stayed up very late into the night talking, and it felt as if we had known each other for years. On Christmas day we signed all of the legal paperwork for the adoption, and we had many visitors throughout the day.

Since the adoption was very sudden, none of Mr. Lucky Buds, nor my family members even knew that we were potentially going to adopt. It was so fun to call all of our family members to tell them that we had a baby! We had a beautiful Christmas day at the hospital with our new baby and his wonderful birth parents.

In the morning as the hospital staff completed the discharge paperwork, we had a very emotional and tearful goodbye with Alicia and Adam. We are very blessed to have an open adoption with Alicia and Adam and are so glad that they only live a half hour away. We are so grateful to be able to celebrate Baby Lucky Buds first birthday together with them on Christmas Eve, and hope to make our Christmas Eve get together a yearly tradition.

Maybe another day in the future I will write a little entry about why I love open adoptions so much! (as opposed to a closed adoption)

A few hours old

Our first picture all together

Levels Rising

2011-12-24T11:50:00.003-07:00

The best Christmas present ever I received today, my levels rose to 32 in 72 hours!! I am soo excited and grateful that my levels are rising. We will retest in another week to see where they are at and if they are still rising. I will probably POAS mid-week to see how things are going. Merry Christmas everyone!!

The Ultimate Test

2011-12-24T08:50:00.001-07:00

I wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, etc. Tonight is a big deal, in my culture... We celebrate "Noche Buena" which translates as "Good Night". It's the night where we believe Mary and Joseph searched for a place to bring Baby Jesus into the world. We celebrate by cooking some very "Cuban" dishes like roasted pork, black beans and rice, yuca (a root boiled and seasoned with lots of garlic and "mojo") and for dessert... Turron (a past made from almonds or nuts, etc and then made into bars you cut into strips). Should be fun :)

CD 51, 29 DPO... No AF, no BFP... Nada! I haven't even temped for a few days so that I can get some sleep, and thats been good :) But, on top of all that, I attended a Baby Shower for a Family Member last night. It was Co-Ed, good food, good times... But, of course, there were those two pregnant bumps hanging around. See, there are two relatives who are currently knocked up. Great.

For the most part, it went pretty smoothly... I didn't get the "So, when are you having one?" question until I was almost ready to leave, which was a relief. But there was an interesting convo about fertility and women getting pregnant very easily, such as both the ones that are currently KU. I didn't go into our situation too much... After all, I don't really tell anyone we are TTC, so for now, it works. No need to see the faces and hear people say "don't worry it'll happen when you're not even thinking about it". Well, we all know that's not exactly how it works with IF. I spent a few months not thinking about it, this year, and apparently AF wasn't thinking either since she flew the coop... And that didn't get me very far.

I am currently waiting for the results for my tests to come back, so I can make an appointment with the RE. Then we'll get the show on the road, while simultaneously doing repairs on our house. This should be interesting.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Fertility Friend = A Major Pain in My Rumpus

2011-12-23T09:06:00.006-07:00

FerfilityFriend....pshhh.....that ain't no "friend!" I love it it one day and the next I hate it. As you can see from my chart below, I have yet to get any cross hairs. I got 2 positive OPK's on days 12 and 13 but that is the same time my temp began to rise. My CM was pretty inconsistent this month....I assume due to work stress, so I can't really count on that.

Unlike last month, I dont have any crazy dramatic rise.....just kind of slow and steady. I just want some crosshairs on my chart! Jeez! Once I get those, I will be fine. I'm a expert at the 2WW so I can patiently handle that. But the uncertainty of not knowing if FF thinks I OV'd is killing me!

The Femara that I was on day 3-7 during this cycle was supposed to ensure that I OV'd.....but at this point I don't have enough solid evidence. Maybe the Femara is the reason Im having such a slow rise. Good night......why do I put myself thru all this?!

I ordered a ferning microscope on Ebay this weekend. I'm super excited to get it and post about how it works for me!

-Buckeye Bud

Baby Lucky Bud's Adoption Story Part 1

2011-12-22T21:31:00.002-07:00

Well it is almost Christmas Eve, so it is the perfect time to tell you about the birth of our second child, Baby Lucky Bud!

When Little Lucky Bud was about a year and a half old, our family made plans and traveled to Costa Rica and Panama for IVF. I had felt in my heart that we were meant to adopt again at some point in our lives, but some of the difficulties we had faced during our adoption were just a little to fresh still, and we decided to try fertility at that time.

Before we left for Costa Rica, through a series of events, our hearts started opening a little more to the thought of going through the adoption process sooner, and when our IVF failed, we were 100% prepared to adopt again. I actually started the whole process of the homestudy paperwork before we went to Costa Rica, and I just had a few things to complete in order to be approved for adoption and to get our profile up.

Our adoption profile went up(on an online website we used for Little Lucky Buds adoption) in August. We were contacted by Baby Lucky Buds birthmother for the first time on December 8th. I had actually already started considering embryo adoption, and had an apt set up in Tennesee for December 9th. Baby Lucky Buds Birth Mother, "Alicia" (name changed for privacy) contacted us the day before we left on our trip! We were emailing back and forth a few times in the days that we were out of town, but then I didn't hear from her for five days. I did receive a brief email that her internet had been out, and then again didn't hear from her for another five days. She said that she was busy and that we should meet after Christmas.

Baby Lucky Bud was due January 18th by the way. In our emails, we had only just started to get to know each other a little bit, but did not discuss adoption much, so I was not really sure where she stood. On December 22nd I woke up to an email from Alicia with her sincere desires for her baby to have everything she could not offer him at this time, and of her confidence in her adoption plan. She spoke of a few other things, and then asked some specific questions regarding how the actual process of the adoption would work.

I should mention that if you go through an agency, typically you are not in direct contact with a birthparent like this, and that all of these questions would be answered by a social worker, but since Alicia found us through the online profile listing, we had direct contact with each other.

Alicia asked me questions like, would you and Mr. Lucky Bud be there for my labor? When would you officially have my baby? Who would get to name him? I answered all of these questions in an email and then went to sleep.

The next day we had a renewed hope that we might be blessed with a second child. That night we went to Mr Lucky Buds Sisters house for a Christmas dinner, and then Mr Lucky Bud and I stayed up late that night talking. At 2:30 in the morning I was startled awake by my cell phone ringing. I sprang up and said loudly, "ALICIA!" This startled Mr Lucky Bud awake also, and I answered the phone.

It was Alicia. She said that she was in labor in the hospital. I was thinking to myself, "What does this mean? Is she choosing us? Are we going to have a baby tonight?" I asked Alicia if she would like us to come to the hospital. She said, "I am all alone, so that would be nice!" The hospital was only 30 minutes away, and I think that we got there 35 minutes after she had called.

Stay posted for part two...

16 Weeks

2011-12-22T20:12:00.003-07:00

I had my 16 week apt. today and got to hear the babies heartbeat again. My midwife found it right away this time and I am so happy right now. I am not really showing yet, and not feeling sick anymore, so it is nice to have a reminder that there really is a baby in there! It is really amazing, I still can't believe it. Our baby should be around 4 1/2 inches from head to rump (about the size of an avocado), and 3 1/2 ounces.

Some things that I am looking forward to are:

*I signed up for some Bradley childbirth education classes today, which start in mid February.

*My next apt. with my midwife is on January 19th, and she will give me an order for my ultrasound. I am really looking forward to getting more information about how the baby is growing, and hopefully the reassurance that everything is fine! (167 days to go!)

My heart really goes out to those of you who are still struggling to have children. The struggles, stress,difficulty and pain that we went through is still so fresh in my mind that it is hard to see others going through similar struggles and pain. I hope so much that all of you will soon have your dream of having a baby and I hope to be able to share in your joy as well.

The 2WW Continues

2011-12-22T10:15:00.004-07:00

The 2 WW was supposed to be over on Wednesday with our blood test results came back with, as the Dr. put it, good and bad news. The good is I am pregnant the bad is that my HCG level is 10.5 and they want to see at least 30 for a viable pregnancy. My progesterone is great and my estridol is still a little low but overall he thinks is fine to keep a pregnancy. We get to wait now till Saturday to retake the blood test and see if the levels are doubling or dropping. Pretty much this will be a miracle if it works. I spent the rest of yesterday in bed sleeping and crying. To sum it up this is a crappy Christmas. Bah Humbug!!

And the rollercoaster continues...

2011-12-21T23:45:00.001-07:00

Well, I am currently wrapping up CD 48 and 26 DPO with no sign of AF (OB also said there was no sign of her appearing) or a BFP. Here is how my chart has continued to develop:

I missed a couple if days, as you can see by the dotted lines, but since continuing on my temping track, it's been nothing but ups and downs. What that means? I have no idea. The only other "symptoms" I have noticed was some creamy/watery discharge and total exhaustion. The exhaustion can be related to the non-stop shopping and craziness that the season brings.

Tomorrow I will be having an ultrasound, as per my OB/GYN. It was supposed to happen on Tuesday, but there was a little "hiccup" in the plan. After that, I will be seeing an RE at a local fertility clinic. Hopefully I can start off the year with a clear TTC plan, and have my own little take home baby in 2012. There's still a part of me hoping that they discover a little creature on that US screen... But I know the chances of that are slim. Still, it would be nice :) I actually know someone, who wasn't TTC, who missed AF and started to wonder so she POAS... Various ones. All came up negative. She went into the Doctor and had a blood test. ALSO negative. At about 12 weeks or more, I believe, she had an US and found out she was KU. I think she was so far along, she even found out the sex. Crazy, huh? What are the chances. Again, slim... But there's always that glimmer of hope.

Adding insult to injury, I was at a local department store with a friend, doing some Christmas shopping, and of course I took a stroll through the baby section. SO looking forward to some day (hopefully soon) being able to pick out a few little things for our little bundle. ::fingers, eyes and toes all crossed::

Hope everyone is having a fab
Holiday Season :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Charting Confusion

2011-12-21T21:30:00.003-07:00

So I've been charting like a good girl the past 2 months.....with the exception of a couple of days. My alarm is set for 5:45 am 7 days a week. I keep my thermometer within arms length just so I know I don't have to move around a lot and possibly skew the results. I don't talk or drink or do anything else before temping. SO, here is my concern for today......

5:45 AM- Temp 97.40 (went back to sleep after) (AND this was my same temp as yesterday!)
9:45 AM - Temp 97.70 (I was still in bed, hadn't moved around or talked)

WHY is there such a variation?? I know I should chart the first temp I received but that would mess up my temperature spike (it wont keep at an upward rise.) If you look at my chart below, I charted the 97.70 temp. This also gave me an empty circle I am assuming b/c of the time. I always seem to get this type of circle when my time is off.

Does anyone get variations like this when they sleep later than their usual temping time??? Or do I have a POS thermometer??!!

2011-12-21T19:11:00.003-07:00

Okay so the ultrasound went well. YAY! No HB yet. US tech said that it was too early, even though the dr's office told me that my beta's were high enough that I may. Oh well. I was/am perfectly happy with the healthy sac and baby measuring right where it should (5w 5d). My doc wanted another US in 2 weeks, but with the holidays they didn't have any openings until 3 weeks which is Jan 9. I'm okay with that though. I am worried, too, because this 3WW has been where baby has stopped growing in the past. All signs point to a healthy pregnancy so far so I'm working on staying optimistic.

A Trip to the Mailbox.

2011-12-20T15:20:00.003-07:00

I had a very unexpected, but very sweet conversation with my neighbor today. My neighbor and I have known each other for years (even before she moved in next door), and she knows about our struggle to become parents. She has always been so positive and sweet.

Today, I walked outside to check our mail and she was outside with her son. We said our usual- "How are you?" and "Ready for Christmas?" Then, she brought it up. She wanted to know how I was doing and when I was returning to my doctor. I was able to keep it together (which is still hard for me) while I explained that I would be seeing my doctor again in two weeks to discuss our FET.

Now- I'm used to people and their usual responses to my situation.
It'll happen. Just give it time.
It wasn't meant to be.
Just be patient.

My neighbor didn't say any of that. She was SO encouraging, and she told me that she KNEW it would happen again for us. If it had happened before, then it WOULD happen again.

For some reason, her words sounded so much more sincere compared to others who have said the exact same thing to me. Her words really struck me, and of course, I started tearing up.

I almost can't even explain how good it felt to hear her say that.

Quick question- It's been two weeks since my d & c, and my doctor said it would take 2-4 weeks for me to get my period again. If anyone has experience with this, how long did it for you to get yours?

Bossy

Infertility Etiquette

2011-12-20T13:12:00.004-07:00

I don't know about you ladies, but it makes me crazy when someone I know tries to minimize what I have gone through. All I wanna do is give them a big smack on the head and walk away. But that doesn't happen and I simply tolerate the ignorance.

Getting pissed off about hearing someone say "Oh, I know it will happen for you," or "Just be patient, God will give you a baby," or "it's just not meant to be right now," sometimes makes me feel crazy. I found a great website that talks about Infertility Etiquette. After reading this article, I feel as if I have good solid argument the next time someone unintentionally dismisses my situation.We need to say what we feel and not let people who "think their helping" just irritate us even more. The added annoyance in our lives probably doesn't help our situation. We DON'T know if this will happen for us and we DON'T know that God will give us a baby.

Have a read.....this website is pretty informational =)

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

Lets Get It On

2011-12-19T17:06:00.004-07:00

So today I went to my chiropractor for an adjustment and a session of deep tissue massage therapy like I always do. I initially began seeing a chiro to to improve my chances of conceiving (I read somewhere this helps with fertility). So I had my adjustment and all went as usual. The massage therapist I had never seen before was to work with me for an hour. A very talkative lady who I ended up finding out was also a REIKI therapist. Now, let me add that I have been willing to try anything to get knocked up. I did acupuncture back in the summer which happened to lead me to find out about the tubal pregnancy I had. That is another story for another day. So let me continue.
So Kathy (Reiki Therapist) isn't technically allowed to promote Reiki but she chooses to incorporate it into her massages. So that's what she did with me. I didn't know this until I happened to ask her about Reiki and she said that's what she was using on me.
**How awesome is it that I have been so interested in Reiki and I meet someone who has been doing it for decades!**

Let me just say, Reiki is absolutely amazing! It's a form of Japanese therapy to help with healing, etc. The therapist acts as a conductor of energy from the "universe" into the patient. Sounds loco, but that shit was CRAYYYZAYYYY. The natural heat from Kathy's hands was intense. It was like leather heated seats but in the form of a human. I Highly recommend it.
See this link for more information on Reiki:
http://www.reiki-for-holistic-health.com/

I left the office feeling SO good. Mentally and physically. I thought to myself...."how great would it be if I got home and finally got a positive OPK?!" I have not had any cross hairs on my chart yet so I pretty sure I haven't ovulated. I haven't gotten any positive OPK's yet either )and I've been testing 3x a day for a week!) I get home, POAS, and ScHaBaM!! A big fat beautiful positive.
Here is my current chart.

So ladies.....you know what I will be doing the next 3 night. FWP!

Off to the Doc I go...

2011-12-19T08:24:00.003-07:00

Well, I have my appointment in about 40 minutes, so I thought I'd say hello, and update you... No sign of AF yet, and my temp stayed high again... Take a look:

There still is a chance I might be KU... Though, it's pretty slim. I am ok with either at this point (well, I would be THRILLED if I was, in fact, KU, but "ok" with not being... That's more like it). I just really want to know what's going on :-/

I was on FF obsessing and found a chart from a woman with similar issues to mine with got BFNs all the way through 21DPO, finally getting a BFP on 28DPO. Check it out:

Only difference is I am 29, not 23, and that I know of both of my Fallopian tubes work. Oh, and I chart Fahrenheit, not celsius.

So... There's still hope. But it can go either way now.

Will update after appointment :)

*****UPDATE: So, I went to my Doc, and talked to her about my "issues". She said what I thought she would... That I need to lose weight, and that she can't help by giving me meds like cloud because that would be irresponsible on her part. I voiced my concerns about getting to know my PCOS and she suggested I see an RE. She drew blood for some tests, and ordered me some ultrasounds for tomorrow (pelvic and transvaginal), and then she said if there is anything special with blood work or US, she will call me in - if not, to just go see an RE. Now, we wait.*****

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

It is what it is :-/

2011-12-18T12:19:00.001-07:00

First off, I am SO happy to be on vacation. As Bossy said, this is definitely one of the perks of being a Teacher. Granted, I love working with the kids, putting on shows, teaching them about music, etc... But sometimes, you just need a break. And a LONG one at that. Two full weeks to e exact ;)

Well, after not being able to temp for a couple of days, I finally got back on the temping train. Here is what my chart looks like now:

And I am more confused than ever. Even though my temp went just below the cover line yesterday, today it shot right back up. This is after I went to bed at 3 a.m. and woke up at 7:45 specifically to temp (I went back to sleep after). Still no AF and I haven't POAS since about 5 days ago.

I have an appointment with my OB for an annual check up, and am curious to see what she says. After that, we'll see what our next step is. I am curious to see what she recommends, and what tests and such she runs, or whatever. I guess we shall see!

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Nausea, cramping and irritability oh my!

2011-12-17T18:21:00.002-07:00

Here is my FF chart thus far:

My temps are staying up which makes me feel better. And my progesterone increased by 4 points in a 48hour period from beginning the suppositories. So that makes me feel better. I did get my beta checked again yesterday (YAY for working in a building with a lab!) and it was 23,223...nearly double from the 12,109 two days prior. I needed something to give me hope to last through this weekend. I'm super nervous about the US on Monday...I haven't heard a heartbeat yet.

The first trimester symptoms are hitting me pretty hard this time around. Because of the progesterone suppositories? I've not had such strong symptoms with the first two pregnancies. I'm not sweating it though. You ladies know...we'll be nauseated, on bed rest with our feet up for the entire 9 months if we have to! =o) But I must say that the 18 hour-a-day nausea is not fun! And the fatigue. And the tender breasts. And the irritability (poor Mr. Curly!). And the gas/bloating. Not so upset about the decreased appetite. ;o)

Love and luck to you all! xoxo

Hip, Hip Hooray for Christmas Vacation!

2011-12-17T14:51:00.005-07:00

It's official! I have the next two weeks off! Being a teacher definitely has its perks.

Although I'm looking forward to sleeping in every single day, I am going to miss my weekday routine. Teaching my lil' rugrats has helped keep my mind off of things.

Great news! I have an appointment with my RE on January 4th to discuss the next steps and our FET. I'm super excited and (almost) counting down the days until then. I told Mr. Bossy earlier today that I think I'll start feeling MUCH better when I know the plan. Then, I'll be able to feel like we're back on track.

Until then, I plan to keep as busy as possible with Christmas shopping (I still have a ton to do!) and quilting. Both of our families are local, so we'll be spending lots of time with them next weekend. One of my favorite traditions that my family has is watching Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation every Christmas Eve. Mr. Bossy, my brother, and I can practically quote the entire movie. We always find it hilarious how my dad can never stay awake through the entire movie!!

Hoping all of my Bud sisters have a VERY Merry Christmas and 2012 brings you much happiness!

XOXO

Bossy

Can we say Hormonal??

2011-12-16T22:02:00.003-07:00

Last night I was feeling a bit queasy after taking a warm shower but I slept great! Today I have been very "crabby" you might say. Everyone that I interacted with I was bugged by. I couldn't even discuss Christmas presents without being pissy. I was also ready for bed by 5:00 tonight. I am hoping this is due to increasing hormones from a pregnancy not from the lovely progesterone and estrogen!!

The waiting game continues

2011-12-15T23:00:00.001-07:00

I'm about to enter CD43, 21DPO and there is, literally, nothing to report. The last couple of days have been nothing short of crazy, and I honestly didn't even temp this morning after going to sleep at 3:30 a.m. When I woke up, I was so out of it, it totally skipped my mind. I also forgot to take my metformin last night. In short, I'm a mess.

Yesterday morning (Wesnesday), after sleeping about 5 hours, my temp did this:

But, still no sign of AF. I am planning on calling the my OB/GYN tomorrow to schedule an appointment and see what the flip is going on. I think I may be overdo for a pap, so I'll probably take care of that too. She'll probably give me a run-around about continuing to try naturally, and losing more weight, but regardless of what she says, my next appointment after seeing her will be with an RE at a local fertility clinic I was referred to by a friend. I have a feeling something is up, and with my 30th Birthday on the horizon, and plans to further my career, I am sick of wasting time, and sick of this PCOS business. I know that with TTC and IF problems, one shouldn't be looking for instant gratification or quick results, but I honestly don't want to play games with my fertility anymore. Hopefully, I'll have some answers within the last couple of weeks in 2011, or at the start of 2012... But I will get answers.

I. Am. Determined. :)

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2WW Blood Work & Random Thoughts

2011-12-15T11:06:00.006-07:00

I think every time I call the Dr. with a question regarding my medication/treatment he has me come in for blood work. Not that I mind getting more information about my hormone levels so I will have peace of mind through this LOOOONNNNNGGG wait!! My question was about taking Estrace so late because in my previous two cycles I had started taking it before the transfer and this time I was going to start it 6 days after the transfer. So he had me come in to check my Estridol and Progesterone levels.
In I went to have my blood drawn,I got one of the good blood drawing nurses, and was told that they had just got two positive pregnancy tests that day from difficult IVF cycles. That helped me feel more confident that things will end up differently this time around. She was saying that she had read that laughter helped you to conceive, I have been doing a lot of that by keeping myself busy with friends and family. I actaully have a long list of things I do "just in case" they make this one stick:
- lay/sleep only on my back & slightly elevated upper body
- smell my husband to get lots of Pheromones
- laugh
- No heavy lifting
- Limited bending over
- Walk slowly
- No bouncing
- Keep distracted
Pretty much if someone gives me a "theory" I do it "just in case".

Back to my blood work. The nurse called back and said to that my Estridol levels were low at 34 and my Progesterone levels were great at 33.92. I was told I needed to start taking 4mg of Estrace instead of 2 mg and to start immediately. I am hoping that this has not affected the implantation or upcoming implantation of these embryos. I got varying information of the internet on what were normal levels and it doesn't seem that it is too far off for someone not on Estrogen supplementation. I am going with everything will be fine.

Cycle Day 7 - I Might Be Normal Again

2011-12-14T13:35:00.005-07:00

Well, today is the 7th day of my cycle and there is no sign of Ov in sight. No CM and no temp increases. On the 8th day of my last cycle, FF says I OV'd. I would think if that were the case this cycle, I would of atleast gotten a positive OPK by now. I tested Monday 2x, Tuesday 3x, and once this morning got all negatives. Just a little bit of LH in my system but not enough that means OV is coming. I recently learned that LH is always in our bodies. Who knew?!
So maybe this means my cycle might be somewhat normal this month! That would be such a relief!

Today is the last day of my 5 day dosage of Femara. The 2- 2.5 mg pills each day hasn't caused any side effects. Just slight headaches .....but I think those were around before I took even took the meds. Now today.....that is another story. I've been taking them at 11am each day, and today at around 2:30ish, I got SOOOO sluggish and dizzy. The headache came to. I attribute all of this to the Femara. I'm glad it's the last day! I am experiencing some weird pains on each side where my ovaries are......idk what that means.

Now I just pray that the Femara does what it is supposed to do and ensures that I OV. Ideally, that would be around day 12 or 13. That way my egg will be soft enough for the little squirmys to get in ;)

Here is my chart as of this morning......no abnormal temperature spike, so hopefully it holds off another few days!!

15 Weeks

2011-12-14T11:59:00.000-07:00

I am 15 weeks pregnant now. It is such a miracle, and I am still in awe everyday. It still seems so surreal. Mr. Lucky Bud and I had been trying to get pregnant for 6 years. Even when our children were born, we knew that the chances of us getting pregnant without IVF with ICSI were so slim, that we would welcome a miracle anytime, so we kept on trying. After trying for long so it is just hard to believe that we actually did it, and I am pregnant!

We are so grateful to the couple that gave us their frozen embryos left over from their IVF cycle. We have plans to meet them sometime after the holidays and are looking forward to that. We don't know that much about them, so it will be fun and interesting to learn more.

I really look forward to each apt. with my midwife, just to have the reassurance that everything is okay, and to hear the heartbeat. I have my next visit in a week, so I am very excited for that. Although I have much less anxiety now being past the first trimester, I don't think it is possible for me not to worry at least a tiny bit.

Our baby is now 4 inches from crown to rump, and about the size of an apple. At this point it is possible to determine by ultrasound if you are having a boy or a girl, although we are going to wait another month since that is what our midwife recommended. Our baby is going to be growing fast in the next month and will double in size! That's amazing!

I am having a birthday in two days and will be 34! One of my sisters sent me a thoughtful birthday gift and said I could open it early. It was a necklace like the one below with my little buds names stamped on the charms. I am always trying to think of thoughtful gifts for our birth parents, and as I have received them in the mail, have admired them and wished that I had a keepsake too, so it was a great gift.

gift from my sister

I thought I would include a photo too of what I got Baby Lucky Buds birthparents to celebrate the first year of his adoption. I was looking over my email correspondences with Baby Lucky Buds birthmom, and it is crazy to think that a year ago from today we had no idea that we would be bringing home a baby in less than two weeks! (More details to come on Baby Lucky Buds adoption)

gift for birth mother

gift for birth father

Twinges

2011-12-13T16:11:00.004-07:00

All day I have been feeling what you might describe as "twinges" or a "pinching" feeling on my left side. I am going to go with that it is those little embryos implanting, if not whatever it is just better knock it off!!

18 DPO and nothing :-/

2011-12-13T05:50:00.001-07:00

I have continued my routine... Wake up, temp, go about my day. This morning was no different. FF suggested that I temp today since I have 18 temps above cover line, so I did. The result was depressing, and in words: "Not Pregnant". Almost 97% of women get a BFP before 18 DPO... What are the chances that I am part of that 3.something%?! At this point, I don't know what to do. AF is nowhere in site, and I have run out of patience. I think I will cave and make an appointment with my OB/GYN to have some blood work done, and maybe an US.

I have been trying to do everything right... We timed BD down to almost a science, and had lots of it, I temped (and continue doing so), I used OPKs, I have been taking prenatals and continuing my metformin. Not to mention I have had a couple of symptoms, such as nausea, gas, the occasional dull cramping/pulling feelin in my lower abdomen/pelvic area. So what gives? Cause something's gotta give... Somewhere? :-/

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Trying times...

2011-12-12T17:16:00.002-07:00

Okay, so here's the skinny on what's been going on the last few days:

Wed 12-7-11: beta=640. progesterone=17. bbt=98.4.
Thurs: bbt=98.5
Fri: beta=1943. progesterone not back from lab. bbt=98.4
Sat: bbt=98.6
Sun: bbt= 98.4
Mon 12-12-11: bbt 98.0. Got to work and found out progesterone dropped to 13.4!!!

OMG. Talk about a lump in your throat. Not only did my temp drop to the lowest it's been in the short time I've been checking it. I immediately called the OB and let them know that I was faxing my results over and would like a call bak ASAP. Then I decided "forget that! I need an appt!" So I called back to request a work-in appointment - who wants to play phone-tag and go through a middle-man when you have a potential crisis?!?! Guess what they told me...we'll call you back.

I had my beta and progesterone done again (of my own accord) and luckily the beta increased (though not quite triple) to 5700-something and the progesterone increased back to 16.9. But I was still freaking out.

I got a call around lunch-time from the OB's office telling to start progesterone suppositories twice daily and I have a US scheduled for next Monday at 9:30. I picked them up after work.

I'm stil worried as crap, but thankful that this was caught early enough. My progesterone was never checked more than once so who knows? That could have been the reason for the first two MCs. SO WHY WASN'T THIS CHECKED THE FIRST TWO TIMES?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

Keep praying for me ladies!

Remaining Embryo Update

2011-12-12T16:23:00.003-07:00

The Dr. called and said that none of the 11 remaining embryos did not make it to blastocyte stage and therefore none were frozen. I thought I would be more bummed about it since I was soo excited about the potential of having some snow babies. I think all the talking from family and friends that the importance is more on what embryos are put in than what is frozen. I wasn't hopeful the prior two times since we didn't really have any eggs to freeze.

So we have 3 embryos hopefully hatching and starting to implant in my lovely uterus!

Stress Kills......

2011-12-12T15:11:00.005-07:00

Nothing new to report today. Just thought I would pop in and give an update. 5th day of my cycle I'm on the 3rd day of my Femara. 2 more days to go. I figure I will start the OPK's tonight. Since I ovulated on day 7 of my last cycle and missed my window, I wanna be sure I start POAS early enough. No side effects really.....just a slight headache each day.

I'm so confused as to why my cycle was so short in November. Was it the Prometrium that I was on back in October? Was it stress? All I know is that this has never happened....not in my entire life! And of course it happens when I'm trying to get KU. Grrr.

Speaking of stress I would like to vent. I'm having an extremely difficult time at work with some serious A**holes that are in my department. My best friend stabbed me in the back and 4 of my other "friends" completely turned their backs on me. I have been so stressed it's made me sick to my stomach. My typical "guts of steel" have done a 180 and have not been very nice. The whole situation couldn't come at a worse time. I'm trying to get pregnant for F**k's sake!!!

So what I am thinking, is that maybe I could talk to my doctor when I do get knocked up. I would like to take a couple of weeks off work. I don' want anything coming between me and a healthy full-term pregnancy. And if stress is giving me the scowers, then who knows what it would do to a potential pregnancy. I need to be in a serene environment with no outside distractions that could jeopardize my chances of being successful. I've never asked for short term disability and I wouldn't even know how to ask for it, or if it would even qualify for STD. Has anyone ever taken STD for anxiety/depression?? And would this be something that my infertility doc could do or would it be just my regular family physician?

2 WW in Progress

2011-12-12T08:05:00.003-07:00

I am three days into my 2 WW, and yes it is still as nerve racking as the other two IVF cycles. I have been trying to stay off the IVF chat groups and reading peoples worries because of course they become mine!! I did do a little research about 10 and 12 cell embryos and if that meant they were stronger than the normal 8 cell day 3 embryos. The 12 cell embryo is called a morula, the stage right before blastocyte, and the 10 cell embryo is an intermediate growing embryo. Both of these have higher implantation rates and are supposed to be, statistically, stronger embryos than the 8 cell. I will take that as this time is the lucky round of IVF!!

I have been laying around, flat on my back with my head raised higher than my feet so those embryos stay low in my uterus. I know they say once they are in there isn't much you can do except wait and pray that it will be successful. I am a bit paranoid that my one tube will suck those embryos right out of my uterus thinking they are foreign objects instead of expensive babies that I desperately want to stay put!! I have been minimizing the amount of time I am standing or sitting to make sure my uterus is calm and relaxed as well. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed that these little embryos are growing and thriving in my uterus!!

On the 17th day of temping, my BBT gave to me...

2011-12-12T05:58:00.001-07:00

A 97.33! Holy moly! This marks 17 straight days of temps above the cover line. Apparently, 18 days CAN mean pregnancy. But, one thing I have learned about this process is, A LOT of things can mean that I am KU. Therefore, I am going to stay positive while not keeping my hopes up, if that's possible.

FF advises that I test on Wednesday, and that's probably what I'll do. Wednesday will be 19 DPO. FF also predicts that AF will arrive any day from today on... So we shall also see if she decides to show up or not.

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The frustration sets in...

2011-12-11T11:25:00.002-07:00

16 DPO, no sign of AF and nothing but BFNs. When will I get a break?

I am standing at a crossroad, but I am at a stand-still. I wish SOMETHING would happen. I wish that I could either get the BFP I have been waiting for, or have AF show up already, so I can move on with this TTC process. Obviously, I would LOVE for it to be the option including a BFP... But I rather something happen than just sit here waiting. I am beyond 2 weeks, and getting anxious. In addition, I only have one CBED left, which I plan to save until mid week, if temps stay high, as they have. Take a look at my chart:

I haven't completely lost hope... After all, many women get late BFPs after multiple BFNs. I just hope that I am one of them :-/

According to FF, AF is due tomorrow... So the waiting game will continue.

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Oh, Brother!

2011-12-11T10:11:00.003-07:00

I've been riding this TTC roller coaster for 3 years now. Mr. Bossy & I are becoming accustomed to disappointment. It's hard knowing that my worst fear has come true: Infertility.

Recently, I felt like I was sucker-punched. My little brother (by 3 years) married his fiance in July of this year. They had been together for 2 years. His wife (who is 22) had mentioned to me in June that she couldn't wait to start a family. I wanted to tell her to slow down and enjoy life (she had just graduated from college for goodness sake!), but I REALLY wanted her to wait until Mr. Bossy & I had started our own family first. I mean, I'm the oldest and I've been married longer. Shouldn't I provide my parents with their first grandchild?

I got the phone call in late August (one month after they were married). My brother and I are not that close. He only lives 30 minutes away, but we don't EVER chat on the phone. We'll occasionally phone each other when there is something important to discuss. I knew right away by the way he was keeping me on the phone that there was something else he had to say. Then came the words I was dreading- "J's pregnant!" A honeymoon baby! He said it was a "surprise." I tried my hardest to act excited, but I'm pretty sure I didn't. I hung up the phone and cried.

I know that it wasn't done to hurt me, but I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I realize that everywhere around the world, people become pregnant unexpectedly. But this felt different- I had to look at it every time I logged onto Facebook (I've since hidden their posts) and see her bump every time the family got together. I thought our prayers had finally been answered when Mr. Bossy & I discovered a month later that we had a little one coming also! Imagine our heartbreak when we were told a month later that our baby didn't have a heartbeat.

My brother and J found out the sex of their baby the day after my d & c. Perfect timing. And to top it all off- the family is getting together this afternoon to celebrate J's birthday. I've been down-right nasty to Mr. Bossy this entire weekend, and it's not even his fault! Where is our silver lining? When will it be our turn?

I promise this will be my last depressing post for a while. I just needed to vent, and I know that this is a place where others will understand.

Bossy Bud

Question...

2011-12-10T21:43:00.002-07:00

As you all know, I started temping a few days ago - right before the BFP. And I've read that BBTs can "predict" (if you will) a miscarriage by a decline in temps. I've still been checking my temps and wonder if I should continue? I know that hormones can effect them and I know that it'll probably drive me crazy but I think I would feel even more chaotic and out-of -control if I didn't. I mean I don't want to walk into another US (not yet scheduled, btw) blind and totally unprepared.

HELP! I need some advice from my sisters...

In it to "win" it

2011-12-10T10:55:00.002-07:00

Today is CD 37, 15 DPO (as per FF), and so far, no sign of AF. My temps have remained high, too, so that is also a good sign, I guess.

Today's weird symptom? Well, while I was brushing my teeth, when I spit into the sink, there was a substantial amount of blood, which was strange. I used to bleed a bit when I brushed, but I switched to a new tooth paste (crest pro-health) and stopped having that problem. Today, all of a sudden, I was spitting out a lot of blood. I used the creat rinse I use, and it stopped, but it was a bit strange. I have read a bit about bleeding gums in early pregnancy, but I don't know if this can be attributed as a sign. Has anyone else had a similar "problem"? I was also SUPER sleepy last night, like by 8:30pm I wanted to go to sleep... But I made myself hold out until 11-ish. I also slept a lot last night and I feel like going back to sleep.

I am holding out on testing until AT LEAST tomorrow. FF says that AF is due to arrive Tuesday. Hopefully this is pretty accurate since I took time to input all my previous cycle data from Period Tracker.

In the meantime, staying positive :)

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Embryo Transfer

2011-12-10T09:40:00.005-07:00

They are in!!! It was a bit different this time around in seeing the embryos than in Panama. The microscope is in this NICU looking bed so we could walk into the same room and actually look into the microscope to look at each one. There were 4 that were looking the most promising so we only looked at those since really there are 14 to look at. The embryologist had a sheet that has been tracking each embryo from fertilization that showed us how they have grown and changed each day, that was pretty cool to see. Of the 4 we had 2 A and 2 B grade embryos to choose from. The first A was a 12 cell with less than 5% fragmentation, the second A was a 10 cell with less than 5% fragmentation, the first B was a 6+2 (6 even sized cells + 2 smaller uneven sized cells) cell with less than 5% fragmentation and the second B was 4+4 cell with 15% fragmentation. It was pretty cool how the embryologist knew which embryo was where on the petri dish and I like how well he explained the qualities of each one to Mr. Explorer Bud and I. He showed us our name that was written on the petri dish and then each dot of liquid to the right of our name going clockwise was a different embryo. The other 10 embryos were varying degrees of B's and C's but were uneven cell sizes and/or fragmented. The embryologist said there is about a 10% chance the other 10 will freeze and if they have a fragmentation over 45% they will not freeze them. We find out in 2 days if any will freeze.
Getting back to the embryo transfer, talking with the Dr. and embryologist they suggested I put back the 2 A's and one of the B grade embryos due to my age, PCOS, Hypothyroidism, tubal pregnancy and past failures in IVF. I agreed and so we then got to pick between the two B's. Funny that we are choosing which embryo we will put back??!! That is IVF for you so weird but cool at the same time!! I was talking with some friends the other night and we were laughing because I know the exact process of how the female body produces follicles, eggs, ovulates, travels, fertilizes and attaches. I apparently went to reproductive school by being infertile, an expensive education!!
With the help of the embryologist we chose the 4+4 B grade embryo because it was a more evenly dividing embryo even though it had a higher fragmentation. The transfer itself went smoothly, the nurse commented that my lining was looking good since she could see it on the ultrasound clearly and the whole process was smooth and painless. I was worried that there would be some discomfort with my cervix but there was none. I get to be on bed rest for the next two days and modified bed rest the next two days, then ease into normal activity. I am feeling good about this transfer and the embryos we chose so I am feeling hopeful at this point.

Uninvited Guest

2011-12-09T17:50:00.006-07:00

A little bit of nausea the past couple days and a consistently high temperature gave me a glimmer of hope that I might just be KU. Although I knew in my heart I really wasn't. I didn't let myself get excited so the disappointment was minimal when I got my declining temperature yesterday morning. I knew she was coming soon and she did. Aunt Flo graced me with her presence during an already stressful day at work yesterday. She treated me with ungodly painful cramps that had me hunched over in pain. Oh well, the pain lets me remember that I'm still alive ;)

Photo Credit

http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/05/05/planning-for-aunt-flo/

So today is day 2 of my cycle and I start the Femara tomorrow! I'm pretty excited about it but still a bit nervous. I really hope I don't Ovulate as early in this cycle as I did my last (Day 7).

Instructions for use: Take 2 tablets (2.5mg) by mouth everyday at the same time on cycle day 3-7. The side effects are supposed to be minimal, but I will keep everyone posted on how it makes me feel. Wish me luck friends!!

Embryo Update

2011-12-09T10:23:00.003-07:00

Mr. Explorer Bud once again got the phone call for the embryo update!! So I had to call to get more clarification on the report. We have 4 good embryos and 10 that have a lot of fragmentation and aren't growing as well. When I spoke with the Dr. he said that they will keep watching the 10 and if they make it to blastocyte stage they will freeze them and it means they are hearty embryos. Great that we have 4 good ones and a bit bummed that 10 are not doing well. I think you always want them all to be great and grow but I need to just remember the positive aspects of this cycle. Also, we may change the transfer day to this afternoon but we will have to wait and see how the embryos are growing.

14 DPO and still in the game...

2011-12-09T06:06:00.001-07:00

With a BFN that is :-/ this is so frustrating. I am not even getting a faint line with FMU on a FRER :( and my temps have stayed pretty high. I only dropped .22 today. Take a look:

And one thing is for sure, my chart this time looks better than this old chart from about late September/early October 2010...

I need to become a triple threat... Recordimg BBT, OPK and CM. Or, I'll just go to the IF clinic and stop pushing something that I just can't do successfully on my own :-/ F you, IF!!!!! :(

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No News = Good News

2011-12-08T17:14:00.001-07:00

Nothing new to report.

My d & c was on Monday. It went as well as could be expected. My RE was really kind and came to see me before and after the procedure. I'm in the process of scheduling a consult in January to discuss our next steps with the FET. I'm ready to get back on track!

Mr. Bossy & I have really just been trying to keep ourselves busy this holiday season. Lots of date nights on the couch watching goofy movies and eating take-out have helped keep our mind off of things. Of course, I can't help but plan what I'm going to do to prepare my body for our next cycle. I've already decided to cut my sugar intake (no more sweet tea is really going to hurt!) and begin drinking protein shakes. I guess I'll also have to stop eating those Starburts that I keep hidden in my desk at work! Oh well- the sacrifices we make.

BFN :-/

2011-12-08T13:55:00.001-07:00

So, I bought a few more FRERs, and POAS when I got home (a few minutes ago). All I got was a big fat NEGATIVE :( I guess I should just wait and see what happens... Based on my old cycle, AF is due tomorrow, but my previous LPs were about 18 days before any spotting occurred. Today is CD 35, and 12 DPO. That means that, technically, I have 5 days left in my LP. It seems like this cycle may be busted, and if that's the case, I am calling the IF clinic as soon as AF arrives (or if all this insanity continues further). Meanwhile, I'm still in the game, since AF hasn't shown. Hopefully she doesn't! :-/

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Fertilization Report

2011-12-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

so we got the call but they unfortunately called Mr. Explorer Bud instead of me so I got the information a bit second hand. I need to call my RE office and have them change the main phone number to me!!

The results are.....14 were mature of the 15 eggs and all 14 fertilized!!! I can hardly believe the numbers!! I am soo ecstatic right now because I will most likely have eggs to freeze after this!! Since we have never had any eggs that made it to freeze I am feeling excited that we might actually this time. It takes some of the pressure of this cycle working if you have some snow babies to use.

Our transfer date will be this Saturday at 9:30 am and I believe that we will be transferring 2 embryo's if all goes according to plan.

Up and down we go...

2011-12-08T05:45:00.001-07:00

Where we stop? Nobody knows!!!!!

Take a look at this mornings temp...

97.24!!!!! Well, of course with a temp like that, I simply had to POAS, on this fine 13 DPO morning. And this was that result:

The pamphlet said that this is caused by not laying the test stick flat after testing (check), too little pee (check) or too much pee (definitely not the case). I just seemed to have a bit of a hard time aiming this morning, and I was holding the test, looking at it, so I didn't put it down... :-/ and now this means that I need to run out and buy ANOTHER test, because I know I will NOT be able to wait until Saturday to test again, and I only have 1 test left (the CBED kind).

So, I guess it is what it is. Hopefully I will have a better update later today... ::fingers crossed:: :)

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14 weeks

2011-12-08T03:09:00.003-07:00

We are officially in the second trimester! Our baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee and maybe even suck it's thumb! That is amazing! I am feeling great this week. My nausea isn't all the way gone, but it is not bad. I don't really have anything else to report for the week. I am just happy to have passed another week with everything fine. Going off my progesterone after 11 weeks was scary, but it was all fine too. I am so grateful to be pregnant!

Lucky Bud

Unexpected...

2011-12-07T20:35:00.003-07:00

Look what I found this morning:

Imagine my surprise when this was completely unexpected! I had been telling myself that it wasn't going to happen this month and was fine with that...I was actually looking forward to try my hand at temping next month. I'm not disappointed though that I won't get to start temping on a new cycle. ;o)

I did check my BBT this morning again and it was 98.4. I've joined FF but since I just started, it sure doesn't look like much.

Since I work in a doctor's office, it's pretty easy to have my beta checked. I was super surprised that it 640! It wasn't that high the last two times. I sure hope that's a good sign.

~~~Trying to keep a positive outlook and not think about how much it will hurt (in every way imaginable) to MC again.~~~

Still in the game... But how much longer? :-/

2011-12-07T20:11:00.002-07:00

This morning, my BBT dropped a little more... And it's not making me too happy.

I haven't slept much the last two nights, so I don't know if I should blame the drop on the lack of sleep or on this cycles impending doom... Hopefully it's related to the latter :-/ I read that lack of sleep can make your BBT drop, and I did only sleep about 5hrs or less last night and the night before. Thankfully, tonight I'll be able to get some sleep.

I felt as if my breasts were a bit sore today, and they actually looked particularly huge this evening... I haven't had much cramping or anything else, so now it's just a waiting game.

I may test again tomorrow morning, using my 2nd to last CBED test. Let's hope it's good news :) I really hope that I get a BFP this weekend... Especially since lately there's baby talk, and women getting pregnant all around me. I just found out that a co-worker of mine is KU. Hopefully it'll be my turn soon. Mr. DBud is hopeful, so I guess I will be too :)

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Egg Retrieval

2011-12-07T11:08:00.006-07:00

Yesterday was the Egg Retrieval at 8am. I was glad our time got moved up on Tuesday so I didn't have to wait around for the procedure. Mr. Explorer Bud got up and got to work with his sperm sample while I got ready for the procedure and took care of the dog. We hopped in the car right on time and zipped down to the Dr.'s office. The Dr. did an ultrasound to make sure that I hadn't ovulated yet and that everything looked good for the procedure. Then my nurse came in and took my vitals and asked me a bunch of questions about what I am allergic to and other health issues that may pose a problem being put under. I was then taken to the back room which was way more high tech looking than in Panama. In Panama it was the anesthesiologist, the Dr. and the Embryologist on a normal looking exam table. Here it was a bit intimidating the huge leg stirrups and arm pads where they tied my arms to (after I was out cold). I had my own nurse, the Dr., the Dr.'s nurse, the anesthesiologist and the embryologist.

I don't even remember getting the medicine to knock me out in the IV I just remember laying there and then waking up in the next room. So weird but I am very glad I get knocked out for the procedure. I have read that some Dr.'s don't put you under and how very uncomfortable it is, which with how sore my ovaries are right now it would be unpleasant!

We were able to get 15 eggs retrieved, 15!! Everyone was really surprised that there were that many in there. So we get to wait and see how many will fertilize and when our transfer date is.

I feel soo blessed that this cycle went from thinking about cancelling it due to poor response to 15 eggs retrieved. There has been some definite miracles and blessings here throughout this cycle. I am also amazed at the technology that we have to be able to conceive a child when otherwise there would be very little chance of us having a child of our own without adoption.

(im)patiently waiting...

2011-12-06T12:04:00.001-07:00

I should get a t-shirt that says, "leave me alone, I'm in my 2WW". Seriously :-/

I am currently 11DPO, on CD33, and going mad... I much rather be left alone to obsess over other charts, and obsess over my symptoms, and to just... I don't know... THINK!

Here is what my chart did today...

Still up there, but I don't even know if this means anything. I have been obsessing over the chart galleries on FF, and so far things look good... But I won't know for sure until a few more days when I am later in my 2WW, and even beyond it.

My cycle before the MC was 35 days, which means AF would be due in 2 days.. But since then it has been so whacko that I have no idea what to expect. I will definitely wait a couple or days (again) before POAS. I only have 2 CBED tests left, and don't want to "waste" them.

Now, to wait until tomorrow's temp :-/

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Kicks and Giggles...

2011-12-06T11:11:00.004-07:00

Okay, so just for the heck of it I decided to check my temp this morning. It was 98.7. I was acutally kind of surprised that it was elevated. I decided to go ahead and start temping just in case AF shows up so that I would have a temp to count as "CD 1." So we'll see.

I promise I am going to keep checking it no matter what ~ Diva has me convinced. Besides, if I am KU then it will be able to tell me if I will MC again with a drop.

Tomorrow is CD28 so I'm anxious to check another HPT. I've even had some nausea yesterday and today so that's not helping either.

I'll let you all know!

Waiting for AF, or....?

2011-12-05T11:24:00.003-07:00

Well, not much to report thus far. AF is expected to arrive in a couple of days and I'm anxious to see if she will come or if my dreams will come true (hopefully the third time will be the charm!).

I know that I was/am a little skeptical about this time around, but I went ahead and POAS yesterday. No surprise that it was BFN. I wish that I had started temping a long time ago so that I would have something tangible to either give me hope or tell me not to get my hopes up. Trust me, if I don't get KU this month, a BBT will be the FIRST thing I buy! ~ and another OPK. ;o)

Mr. CB is starting to get a little anxious too. He keeps asking me if "I feel it coming." ~ meaning AF. The wierd thing is is I havn't been moody like I usually am right before AF. My appetite has picked up, but that has been that way for a few weeks now (I'm attributing it to the holidays). I'm also having some sticky CF...maybe only 1 dry day since the big O, which is also unusual for me at this time of the month. I just don't know anymore.

Somebody...please help!

Stairway to Heaven?

2011-12-05T06:04:00.001-07:00

Well, I am currently 10DPO, and my chart is doing this:

I don't know if this is a good sign or not, but I browsed the chart gallery on FF again, and compared mine to charts resulting in pregnancy belonging to women with similar issues to mine, and so far things look promising. My temps have stayed up, and have only continued to gradually rise. Not that this is the deciding factor on whether or not I'm KU or not... I guess we'll just have to wait and see!!!

As you can see, I haven't been able to resist the urge to POAS... No BFPs yet, but definitely hoping for a BFP soon!!! Thankfully I have a pretty crazy week ahead, so it should go by fast while being relatively distracting. This still won't keep me from obsessing over every temp and symptom... But it helps (at times).

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Retrieval is Scheduled

2011-12-04T22:43:00.003-07:00

Today we had our 4th IVF appointment with the Dr. The eggs are looking great, we have one 18 mmm, 3-4 17 mm, 1 16 mm and 4 15 mm eggs. I took a shot of Lupron tonight at 8:30 and we will do the transfer 8:00 am Tuesday morning. I will POAS tomorrow morning to make sure that I have enough HCG in my system and if not I will need to take more HCG to make sure they can get the eggs on Tuesday.
I am feeling really excited because things are progressing and feeling like they are back on track. My lining is continuing to look great and the eggs are growing good so I feel positive about this cycle. I wonder if my body will do better because the cycle is longer, more like my natural cycle is. I have never had a 28 day cycle so maybe when doing IVF forcing my cycle to fit into that 28 days wasn't working for it. Who really knows but that is the only thing different this third time around, so I am hoping that will be a positive. Oh and tomorrow is my one day of no shots!! Tuesday I start up with the Progesterone shots which I am not looking forward to but I will just focus on the one day of no shots!!

9DPO - the 2WW continues...

2011-12-04T10:12:00.001-07:00

Well, I am more than half way through the dreaded 2WW. Temps have remained good, 9 days post ovulation... So I am definitely staying optimistic :) Take a looksie:

I went ahead and purchased a box of CBED and FR, but wasn't able to fight the urge to test, so I have already POAS three times, and seeing nothing but BFNs. I keep reminding myself that it's too early to test... So I have decided to wait until at least Wednesday before testing again. I still have one FR and I haven't even touched the digitals.

I don't want to get my hopes up... I really don't. But I can't help feeling that this really is IT. I hope I'm not wrong.

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Growing Eggs

2011-12-03T15:55:00.002-07:00

Another appointment closer to harvesting these eggs. They are continuing to grow and are almost there. They have made it to the 15 - 16 mm so we have another appointment tomorrow afternoon to check on them hopefully the last time before we take them out. Also my lining is at 8 mm and the RE said that he likes it to be at least at 7 mm, so I am feeling good about that as well.

Funny note, since I needed more Repronex last minute I had to get it at a pharmacy about 45 minutes away. Apparently they just switched computer systems so it took about 30 minutes for them to pull 4 vials from the shelf. Then I asked for some needles and he gave me the wrong length but I didn't notice until I was in the restaurant bathroom with my pants down icing my butt so my mom could give me my shot. So she had to run back to the car and bring all the needles back. I am sure people were wondering why the two of us were in the bathroom for so long and going in and out. Oh the joys of taking shots while going out to eat!!

The 2WW blues - 8DPO

2011-12-03T10:08:00.002-07:00

I'm officially 8DPO, and starting to get really anxious! Temps are staying high, which is a good sign, but the wait continues. I have google searched DPO symptoms, and stalked FF charts from other women with similar issues to mine. Now I am overly-scrutinizing every single symptom, every twinge, every wipe... UGH!!!!!

Last night, I simply couldn't resist... I needed to pee on something! So, I visited a Family Dollar store and purchased 1 test. I wasn't surprised to see a BFN, but again, I just needed to POAS. That's what we are reduced to during the TTC process... Wanting to POAS all the time ;)

Last time, I started getting positives (which, as you may remember I doubted) as early as 9DPO, which is tomorrow. I definitely have big plans for my FMU tomorrow ;)

To be continued...

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Stopping Progesterone...Again

2011-12-02T17:55:00.004-07:00

After maybe my 5th blood test, my nurse says I get to go off the progesterone for good. I am a little nervous stopping without testing again to make sure that the placenta starts producing it, but she said that at 13 weeks it would be and that I am done. I am happy to not have to take them, but a little on edge and hope that everything stays fine.

Lucky Bud

Blah Blah Blah

2011-12-02T15:00:00.004-07:00

Nothing too much to post about today. I'm still frustrated by my confusion. Did I ovulate just 7 days past AF's arrival like fertility friend said I did (I sure hope not). Or did I ovulate 10-12 days past AF's arrival like my OPK said. I don't know what to believe.

My tata's are still sore and I feel kind of bloated today. My temperature is still rising so I dont know what in the world all of this means. I guess I will find out in about a week when "technically" I'm supposed to start my cycle.

Another frustrating part is the fact that I have ALWAYS been like clock work. 28-30 day cycle each and every month. And of course when we are finally able to try again, something gets effed up! Ugh.....never fails.

Here's my current chart.

Good News

2011-12-01T12:47:00.003-07:00

Photo Credit

Today's appointment was a success!! The increase in Menopur worked and we have 6 good sized eggs that are large enough to be good candidates to retrieve. We have (1) 12, (2) 11, (2) 10 and (1) 9. To be ready to harvest they will need to be between 16 - 20 mm in diameter and they grow at about 1-2 mm per day. So if we do the retrieval Monday almost all the larger sized eggs will be good to take and fertilize. Let's just say I did a little dance once the Dr. left the room I was soo excited that we weren't going to have to cancel this cycle and start over. Mr. Explorer Bud is the Optimist of the partnership and he was full of "I told you so's" which I am perfectly fine with that he was right and I was being the Debbie Downer. Better than me being right!! So I will continue to take three vials of Menopur along with a shot of Repronex to keep me from ovulating, till Saturday morning when I have another ultrasound to see how they are developing and when we will have the retrieval.

Thank you for all your positive vibes, prayers and crossed limbs, I know it all was helpful!!

Holy, Diarrhea, Batman!!! :-/

2011-12-01T06:06:00.001-07:00

I know this may be TMI... But I woke up with some TERRIBLE diarrhea today. Like, whoa! My intestines felt like they were going to burst out of me, and my whole body is tingly. I feel fine otherwise, so I don't think I am getting sick or anything...

Of course, I automatically did a search on 6DPO diarrhea, and apparently it can, and has, happened (all of a sudden, out of the blue). I have been very regular with the metformin pills, so I don't believe they are causing it... If they would be, it would've been when I first started taking them.

Idk... All I know is that I got a neg OPK last night, and also had a good amount of creamy white CM on my panty. Sorry if all this is TMI, but this is a blog about getting KU, and everything that entails ;)

My temp has also stayed relatively high... There was a slight dip, though not very large, yesterday, but it went up again to where it was...

Meanwhile, the waiting game continues... And I know I won't be able to resist the urge to POAS real soon :-/

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13 Weeks/ Little Lucky Buds Adoption Story

2011-11-30T19:57:00.004-07:00

Today I am 13 weeks pregnant. Our baby is about 3 inches long from crown to rump now. December 3rd marks the start of my second trimester, which is wonderful news. I am feeling so much better these days. I still get sick occasionally, but I am able to hold down meals for the most part, and I don't have the constant feeling of nausea all day that I used to feel. Really I am feeling great right now!

There is not too much to report for this weeks, so I thought that I would tell the story of how Little Lucky Bud (now 2 and a half) came into our family. Hopefully it is not too long. I always have a hard time keeping things short and focused, so here it goes...

Little Lucky Bud's birthmother, "Katie" (not her real name) was just turning 17 when she found out that she was 2 months pregnant. She had sisters that had had children very young, and had decided even before she became pregnant, that she would like to chose adoption if she was ever in the same possition. Once it became a reality, she knew that she could not provide for Little Lucky Bud, and wanted him to have the best life she could give him. She looked through some adoption profiles on an online website, and our profile stood out to her. She wanted to wait until she was three months along to write us. She looked at our profile everyday and by the time she wrote us, she was so excited to meet us. She already was feeling attatched to us and was very sweet in her email. We wrote everyday for the next two weeks until Mr. Lucky Bud and I drove to meet her in Michigan (we live in Maryland).

We spent four days with Katie and her family and we all got along great. Katie wanted to see us again, and Thanksgiving break worked best with her school schedule. We made plans for her to fly to see us then.

In the next month or two Katie struggled with her desion to adopt, and it was not clear what would happen. She felt pressured by her social worker, and all of her friends were telling her that they could never give their baby away.

We wanted to remain supportive, but did not want her to feel pressured, so we took a few steps back and communicated a little less with her. As Thanksgiving got closer we knew that it was a very strong possibilty that Katie might chose to parent her baby.

To our surprise she did decided to come see us after all. On the way home from the airport we stopped for a bite to eat. Shortly after sitting down, Katie looked a little anxious and said that she had big news for us. She said that she could tell us now, or wait until Thanksgiving when we were with family. We wanted to know then of course. It was then, sitting at the Olive Garden that Katie said, "I don't know how you are supposed to say this, but I chose you. Will you be the parents of my baby." We were so happy and overwhelmed. More recently Katie has told me that after she officially decided on adoption, she felt at peace with her choice and did not struggle back and forth anymore. When we got home Katie showed us the ultrasound and had us guess the sex...and of course it was a boy!

Over the next few months we became much closer through emails. Scott and I visited Michigan again in January for another ultrasound. It was nice to spend more time with Katie, and to see the baby, and the we went home.

Upon Kaite request, I drove out to MI one week before Little Lucky Buds birth. Katie did not want to miss any more school, and was determined to have him a week early (during spring break) and to have time to recover and head back to school just in time. Despite all of her efforts, Little Lucky Bud arrived exaclty on his due date. Katie really wanted Mr. Lucky Bud to be there for the birth also, but he was still driving, and arrived an hour after he was born. I was blessed to be there when our son was born.

It was an amazing expirience to watch our baby come into the world. As soon as I met him I was filled with such a deep love for him, and I couldn't imagine my life without him again.

I cut the umbilicle cord, and held him shortly after he was born. I had spent the past four months inducing lactation, and was able to feed him without a supplementer for the first week or so. It was an incredible bonding experience for us, for me to be able to breast feed him.

Kaite was extremely thoughtful during the whole adoption process, and wanted Little Lucky Bud to be able to bond with us as much as possible from the time he was born. The hospital gave us a room right next to Katie, and we were able to sleep the night with him in our room. Mr. Lucky Bud stayed up the entire night staring at our new precious baby.

We did have some issues the next morning with the hospital staff, and it was an extrememly difficult day. It seemed uncertain if we were going to be able to take him home at times. In Michigan the birthparents have 30 days to change their minds about adoption. From the time that I held Little Lucky Bud, I felt 100% as if I had carried him and given birth to him. I loved him so much. As you could probably imagine, the next 30 days were very difficult and emotional, not only for us but also for our sweet and wonderful birthmother. It was a glorious day for us when Little Lucky Bud legally belonged to us, and all of the stress and fears of losing him were past.

Little Lucky Bud enters the world

I had become a mother at last

Adoption changed our lives forever. I am so grateful for adoption and for the strength of our courageous, selfless birth mother. Thanksgiving will always be a special time for our family as we rember that very special visit with Katie.

Baby Lucky Bud joined our family Christmas Eve 2010, so you can expect to hear about his adoption story soon!

Lucky Bud

The Waiting Game.

2011-11-30T14:29:00.002-07:00

Tomorrow will mark 3 weeks since we discovered our baby didn't have a heartbeat. Honestly, it feels like forever ago. There was denial (the doctor could be wrong, right?) numbness, and TONS of tears. I'll admit that I'm doing much better now, but tears still come to my eyes when I least expect it.

I opted for a natural miscarriage. A few friends were surprised to learn about my decision. In fact, one response was, "Dear God, bless you." Another friend asked, "Why?" I honestly could not answer. It was just what I wanted. I wanted (for once) my body to do something naturally. I wanted to be able to say goodbye to our child on "my" terms.

Sadly, that didn't work out. I never miscarried. I returned to my doctor this afternoon, and she told me that we could wait another week and see what happens. I chose to go ahead with the D&C. Not to sound cold- but, I'm ready to move forward and I feel like the longer we prolong this, the longer it will take to prepare my body for the FET.

My D&C is scheduled for Monday morning.

I was able to ask my RE a lot of questions pertaining to the FET (I'm obviously a planner). She said that we will transfer two embryos this time instead of one (we did one for our fresh cycle). She also told me that they are seeing a greater success with their FETs compared to their fresh cycles. She went on to explain that my body will be under much less stress, and she promised that our frozen embryos were of excellent quality.

I learned that they freeze the embryos in sets of two. And, I also learned that they don't freeze the "best of the best" together. Since my clinic is trying to reduce the number of multiple births, they freeze a "top notch" embryo with a mediocre embryo. Regardless, my RE told me that our chance of success is 53%. It was 50% for our fresh cycle. I'll take it!

Now- if only I could fast-forward til' February. Perhaps I should change my name to Impatient Bud!

-Bossy Bud

+OPK at 4DPO?

2011-11-30T08:05:00.001-07:00

Just for the heck of it, I decided to use another OPK... After all, they go bad after 30 days, and I have a few left, so why not? Well, as you can see, it was positive. So I started wondering... Does this mean anything? My +OPK was on Friday (CD22), coinciding with my temp drop and subsequent rise. Temps have stayed above the line, varying only by half a degree. I am praying they stay up, and that all this cramping and all these twinges are the sign of something good. I guess we will have to see... I'm currently 5DPO and MAJORLY itching to test!!!! Still hoping for a sticky Turkey ;)

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